About two weeks ago, I made a major decision about my life, especially my dating life. Only a few people are aware of the decision I made (Megan, Tym, and my small group leader Seth) and that's because I knew I was going to need accountability since the dating area of my life is the one area I'm most vulnerable in.
I think that even though I knew subconsciously that this was going to end up being difficult, I think part of me also hoped that it would be an easy decision to follow through on. I did good for the first week, but this past week when I was home sick, I found myself fighting to take back control of that area from God. I started to act on that area of my life and then I found myself laying on the couch going, "Lord, what am I doing?"
I find that the area I most want to give up and know that I have to give up is the area that I am also most unwilling to give up. There's something comforting in knowing that I have control and if I have control, then of course it's going to end the way I want it to. However, I know beyond a doubt that I have to give this area of my life up to God. It has been my sole focus for far too long and it's come to a point where I know that I'm hindering the plans God has for my life because I refuse to give Him control.
I also came to the realization that I'm struggling to take back control because I'm not digging into the Word enough and not letting Christ be my sole provider and be enough for me. Until I do that, I'm going to struggle and continue to try to take control back. While it was a harsh realization that I'm not doing what I know the Lord is asking of me, it was also comforting to know that despite my flaws and despite my sins, He'll continue to love me and His grace will be sufficient for me. That is the comfort I've experienced in this situation this week and will continue to remind myself of as I know this area is something I'll struggle most with this year.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sick sick sick
I have been miserably sick since Friday. I got sick late Friday night and haven't been able to keep anything down since. I had some toast and juice last night and ended up getting sick again this morning. I called off work and spent the better part of the day sleeping. My whole body hurts because all I've been doing is laying in bed or laying on the couch. The smell of food makes me nauseous (like now with my parents eating dinner) and I'm just miserable.
However, I am going back to work tomorrow because I have to meet with my second year supervisor tomorrow night to start discussing my advanced counseling skills class I'm taking this quarter. Since I've been sick I haven't had a chance to call my client yet or even get any of my homework done. I feel so far behind and it's only week two so now I can feel the stress building.
At least I have spring break to look forward to. I can't wait to spend a week in Denver with my cousin that I haven't seen in years. From pictures I've seen Denver looks beautiful and I can't wait to get out there and see it myself. My cousin is already planning every moment of my visit and he is so excited to see me. I can tell you, the feeling is mutual! It's going to be a nice break before going into interning next quarter.
Ok, I'm going to go get away from the smell of food and probably go to bed soon. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.
However, I am going back to work tomorrow because I have to meet with my second year supervisor tomorrow night to start discussing my advanced counseling skills class I'm taking this quarter. Since I've been sick I haven't had a chance to call my client yet or even get any of my homework done. I feel so far behind and it's only week two so now I can feel the stress building.
At least I have spring break to look forward to. I can't wait to spend a week in Denver with my cousin that I haven't seen in years. From pictures I've seen Denver looks beautiful and I can't wait to get out there and see it myself. My cousin is already planning every moment of my visit and he is so excited to see me. I can tell you, the feeling is mutual! It's going to be a nice break before going into interning next quarter.
Ok, I'm going to go get away from the smell of food and probably go to bed soon. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Thankful
Tonight I have several things to be thankful for and decided to write about them to remind myself that I don't always need to complain.
First off, I am so thankful for the wonderful friend I have in Kelly. We met through Tym and Cru last year and only became as close as we are now last quarter when she moved back home for the quarter to co-op for her engineering program. We e-mailed back and forth every week or every other week sharing our hearts and what God has been doing in our lives. She's back in Cincinnati for the rest of the school year and I am thrilled to see where God takes our friendship. We spent some time tonight before Cru talking and praying and it reminded me of how sweet it is to have such close Christian girlfriends to hang out with.
Second, I am thankful for some of the wonderful families that have children at my preschool. As you all know, I am terrified of the snow and driving in it ever since I spun out a couple of years ago. The idea of driving in the snow literally reduces me to tears and makes me panic. With the snow storm moving our way overnight, I was trying to figure out what to do about having to drive in it. My parents told me to call in and tell my boss I was sick but we're already short staffed as it is so I didn't want to do that, especially when the morning commute shouldn't be a problem. We discussed me getting a hotel room tomorrow night after work to be close to work for the Friday morning commute but I didn't want to have to pay $100 for one night if I didn't have to. I just didn't know what to do.
As I was driving home talking to Denise tonight, I remembered that there are families close by that I baby-sit for so I sent Jana (the mom of the twin girls I baby-sit) a facebook message and asked her if she would be willing to put me up for the night if need be and not even ten minutes later she sent me back a reply telling me that she and Jason and the girls would love for me to stay with them anytime I needed and not to hesitate to ask. Her reply did my heart a world of good and while I'm still a little nervous about driving tomorrow morning, at least I know after work tomorrow that I'll only have a five minute drive to their house as opposed to a 30 minute drive (in good weather of course!) back to my house.
On that note, I am off to shower and pack an overnight bag to get ready for tomorrow since I'm sure I won't be home again tomorrow night. I hate winter but I am so thankful for the blessings I have in my life.
First off, I am so thankful for the wonderful friend I have in Kelly. We met through Tym and Cru last year and only became as close as we are now last quarter when she moved back home for the quarter to co-op for her engineering program. We e-mailed back and forth every week or every other week sharing our hearts and what God has been doing in our lives. She's back in Cincinnati for the rest of the school year and I am thrilled to see where God takes our friendship. We spent some time tonight before Cru talking and praying and it reminded me of how sweet it is to have such close Christian girlfriends to hang out with.
Second, I am thankful for some of the wonderful families that have children at my preschool. As you all know, I am terrified of the snow and driving in it ever since I spun out a couple of years ago. The idea of driving in the snow literally reduces me to tears and makes me panic. With the snow storm moving our way overnight, I was trying to figure out what to do about having to drive in it. My parents told me to call in and tell my boss I was sick but we're already short staffed as it is so I didn't want to do that, especially when the morning commute shouldn't be a problem. We discussed me getting a hotel room tomorrow night after work to be close to work for the Friday morning commute but I didn't want to have to pay $100 for one night if I didn't have to. I just didn't know what to do.
As I was driving home talking to Denise tonight, I remembered that there are families close by that I baby-sit for so I sent Jana (the mom of the twin girls I baby-sit) a facebook message and asked her if she would be willing to put me up for the night if need be and not even ten minutes later she sent me back a reply telling me that she and Jason and the girls would love for me to stay with them anytime I needed and not to hesitate to ask. Her reply did my heart a world of good and while I'm still a little nervous about driving tomorrow morning, at least I know after work tomorrow that I'll only have a five minute drive to their house as opposed to a 30 minute drive (in good weather of course!) back to my house.
On that note, I am off to shower and pack an overnight bag to get ready for tomorrow since I'm sure I won't be home again tomorrow night. I hate winter but I am so thankful for the blessings I have in my life.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Spoiled
I've decided that I'm spoiled this coming year. Not only am I going to Florida with my family and Megan in June, but I just got my confirmation for my flight to Denver in March to visit my cousin that I haven't seen since I moved to Cincinnati almost nine years ago.
Sometimes I think I should have found a career that would let me travel for a living because I definitely have the travel bug. I hate to stay put for long periods of time and each year I have to get away somewhere. This year (2009) it was Raleigh. Next year (2010) it's Denver and Orlando/Vero Beach.
I'm not really sure how the time off of work is going to play off but for the Denver trip I'm using my five flex days that I have left. For my Florida trip I'm just planning on taking the week off without pay.
I think right now I'm more excited about the Denver trip because I haven't seen Terry Lee in sooo long and because it's a lot closer in proximity than Florida. Have I mentioned that I love traveling? Woo!
Sometimes I think I should have found a career that would let me travel for a living because I definitely have the travel bug. I hate to stay put for long periods of time and each year I have to get away somewhere. This year (2009) it was Raleigh. Next year (2010) it's Denver and Orlando/Vero Beach.
I'm not really sure how the time off of work is going to play off but for the Denver trip I'm using my five flex days that I have left. For my Florida trip I'm just planning on taking the week off without pay.
I think right now I'm more excited about the Denver trip because I haven't seen Terry Lee in sooo long and because it's a lot closer in proximity than Florida. Have I mentioned that I love traveling? Woo!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Vacation
I am already over the cold and the snow, so much so that I'm already looking forward to our family vacation to Disney World and Vero Beach in June. This summer, Megan is also going on vacation with us which is super exciting.
I knew there was a reason we were best friends and last night our similarities shined through as she text me and asked me where the Florida Marlins played at in relation to Vero Beach. I did some research and learned that they play in Miami, which is only two and a half hours from Vero. So now not only are we planning on going to Disney and the beach, we are also going to make the two and a half hour drive to Miami to go to a Marlins game.
We're doing this because we decided a couple of summers ago after going to a Washington Nationals game in D.C. that every summer we wanted to try and attend a game in a stadium other than Cincinnati. This summer we're going to keep the tradition going by attending a game in Miami!!
Since it is cold and snowy in most of Ohio, I leave you with these glorious pictures of the beach and the Disney resort at Vero Beach. June can't come soon enough!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Goals for 2010
I've decided this year that I'm not calling them "resolutions." Instead they're goals because I intend to meet each and every single one of them. I want to go into 2010 with a positive attitude and excitement about what it holds.
Weight loss
My goal in this area is to lose the last 45 pounds to get below 200 for the first time in a very long time. I'm using a website called sparkpeople.com and on that website I'm tracking my food intake and my exercises. It's also full of helpful resources such as recipes and message boards where members can share advice and encourage each other. I've been a member of the website since 2008 but have barely used it. I reset all of my goals on there the other night and now plan to use it so that it will be effective.
Along with sparkpeople, I plan to average three nights a week at the gym, intermixing my regular strength training and cardio with some classes that Fitworks offers. I was given an American Express gift card from one of my students and I'm going to use that to buy myself a resistance ball and some hand weights to use here at home for nights I don't want to go to the gym.
In this same area I also need to start watching what I eat and being serious about cutting out the excessive junk in my life, which means my caffeine intake has got to go. I don't need all of those empty calories that I take in every day at work. I'm going to start making a list and grocery shopping on a regular basis to help in this area. It also means I need to find something productive to do on my lunch breaks from work so that I'm not tempted to go to McDonalds and order french fries and a coke simply because I'm bored.
School
My challenge and goal in this area is to simply keep doing what I've been doing. I refuse to get any grade lower than a B but I would love to have all A's this quarter so I plan to push myself even harder than I did in the fall. I'm on campus a lot anyway so it's time to start using the library and resources available to get my studying done since I can't study here at home with all the distractions.
Faith
I originally talked about giving up my Sunday school position after Christmas but I love being in the preschool classroom on Sundays so I'm going to keep up my every other month rotation. Along with this, I have also become a youth sponsor and intend to hang out with the youth two Sundays a month and pour into their lives the way the adults did for me when I was in the youth group.
I want this to be the year that I trust God. I want this to be the year that I trust in His timing. I want to be content in Him and learn what it means to be a woman after God's heart. I don't want my singleness to define my life and instead I want to learn and delve more into what it means to be a Godly woman and what it means to be a Godly girlfriend and wife.
Attitude
I tend to fall back and give in because I don't know how to tell people no. I need to learn to stand up for myself and tell others no, even if it means they may become upset. I have a tendency to take on too much and with working full time and being in school, I need to learn that it's okay to say no and not spread myself too thin.
I want to have a positive attitude about everything, even on the days when it is hardest to get out of bed. I have so many blessings in my life and there is no reason why I can't find one thing to be grateful about every day.
Finances
My goal for 2010 is to stop spending as much money. With my winter quarter financial aid refund, I plan to pay off my credit cards and then tuck them away for emergencies only. I plan to make a budget and stick to it. My goal is to encourage my friends to find things that don't cost money to do, such as movie nights at our houses or walks or something.
Along that same rate, when it comes time to reapply for financial aid for school for next year, I refuse to take out as much money as I did this year. There was no reason to accept all of it because it's all loans which means I'll be paying it all back someday. The more I take out, the more I have to pay back. Next year, I want to take out just as much as I'll need and that's it. There's no sense in putting myself in more debt than is necessary.
Personal interests
I want to remind myself of all the things I love to do, such as going to art museums and reading for pleasure. I want to take a couple hours a week for just me. I need some of that down time, especially at the times when school and work stress me out the most. If I don't take care of myself, how can I ever take care of my future clients? Number one at the top of the grad school list in our program is counselor self care. Our one professor reminds us on a regular basis to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.
These are my goals for 2010. I refuse to make resolutions anymore because I know I don't stick to them. Goals I know I can do. 2010 is going to be the best year yet and I look forward to the challenges and changes it will bring.
Weight loss
My goal in this area is to lose the last 45 pounds to get below 200 for the first time in a very long time. I'm using a website called sparkpeople.com and on that website I'm tracking my food intake and my exercises. It's also full of helpful resources such as recipes and message boards where members can share advice and encourage each other. I've been a member of the website since 2008 but have barely used it. I reset all of my goals on there the other night and now plan to use it so that it will be effective.
Along with sparkpeople, I plan to average three nights a week at the gym, intermixing my regular strength training and cardio with some classes that Fitworks offers. I was given an American Express gift card from one of my students and I'm going to use that to buy myself a resistance ball and some hand weights to use here at home for nights I don't want to go to the gym.
In this same area I also need to start watching what I eat and being serious about cutting out the excessive junk in my life, which means my caffeine intake has got to go. I don't need all of those empty calories that I take in every day at work. I'm going to start making a list and grocery shopping on a regular basis to help in this area. It also means I need to find something productive to do on my lunch breaks from work so that I'm not tempted to go to McDonalds and order french fries and a coke simply because I'm bored.
School
My challenge and goal in this area is to simply keep doing what I've been doing. I refuse to get any grade lower than a B but I would love to have all A's this quarter so I plan to push myself even harder than I did in the fall. I'm on campus a lot anyway so it's time to start using the library and resources available to get my studying done since I can't study here at home with all the distractions.
Faith
I originally talked about giving up my Sunday school position after Christmas but I love being in the preschool classroom on Sundays so I'm going to keep up my every other month rotation. Along with this, I have also become a youth sponsor and intend to hang out with the youth two Sundays a month and pour into their lives the way the adults did for me when I was in the youth group.
I want this to be the year that I trust God. I want this to be the year that I trust in His timing. I want to be content in Him and learn what it means to be a woman after God's heart. I don't want my singleness to define my life and instead I want to learn and delve more into what it means to be a Godly woman and what it means to be a Godly girlfriend and wife.
Attitude
I tend to fall back and give in because I don't know how to tell people no. I need to learn to stand up for myself and tell others no, even if it means they may become upset. I have a tendency to take on too much and with working full time and being in school, I need to learn that it's okay to say no and not spread myself too thin.
I want to have a positive attitude about everything, even on the days when it is hardest to get out of bed. I have so many blessings in my life and there is no reason why I can't find one thing to be grateful about every day.
Finances
My goal for 2010 is to stop spending as much money. With my winter quarter financial aid refund, I plan to pay off my credit cards and then tuck them away for emergencies only. I plan to make a budget and stick to it. My goal is to encourage my friends to find things that don't cost money to do, such as movie nights at our houses or walks or something.
Along that same rate, when it comes time to reapply for financial aid for school for next year, I refuse to take out as much money as I did this year. There was no reason to accept all of it because it's all loans which means I'll be paying it all back someday. The more I take out, the more I have to pay back. Next year, I want to take out just as much as I'll need and that's it. There's no sense in putting myself in more debt than is necessary.
Personal interests
I want to remind myself of all the things I love to do, such as going to art museums and reading for pleasure. I want to take a couple hours a week for just me. I need some of that down time, especially at the times when school and work stress me out the most. If I don't take care of myself, how can I ever take care of my future clients? Number one at the top of the grad school list in our program is counselor self care. Our one professor reminds us on a regular basis to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.
These are my goals for 2010. I refuse to make resolutions anymore because I know I don't stick to them. Goals I know I can do. 2010 is going to be the best year yet and I look forward to the challenges and changes it will bring.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
In the works
This entry is mainly for Molly, who stalks me via my blog. :-P
There is a new entry in the works considering it's been over a month since I've updated. I've been journaling on another site where I can restrict who reads it since too many people read this one and there are certain people I don't want to read my entries.
No worries though Molly because you are not one of them. I'm working on a proper entry and then I will message you on facebook about what I can't share on here. :-)
There is a new entry in the works considering it's been over a month since I've updated. I've been journaling on another site where I can restrict who reads it since too many people read this one and there are certain people I don't want to read my entries.
No worries though Molly because you are not one of them. I'm working on a proper entry and then I will message you on facebook about what I can't share on here. :-)
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