After last night's entry, I ended up crying myself to sleep at my aunt's house, fully expecting the worst about my dog. However, we got a second chance today. This morning, Missy still wasn't using the bathroom, eating, or drinking so my mom called me and asked me what the name and number was of the vets that go to my church. I called Megan and promptly broke down in tears and then called the Pfisters to make an appointment. After stopping at Pet Smart for a leash and collar, I headed home to take Missy to the vet with my mom.
We got in and Dr. Pfister examined Missy and told us that her bladder was extremely full. He wanted to do an xray to see what he could find out and when he came back, he told us that she had bladder stones and that he thought one might be blocking her urethra, which is why she can only dribble here and there and not actually use the bathroom. He said that we had two options. The first being that he could give her a steroid shot and some antibiotics and see if the stone would pass by itself and the second being that he could knock her out and catherize (sp??) her to see if the catheter would pass the stone. My mom opted to do the shot, which I had to leave the room for.
Here we are, about three and a half hours later, and she is finally drinking and using the bathroom. She had been dribbling here and there but she finally went so much that she couldn't hold it and peed on my niece's bed (luckily we have a mattress protector on it from when Savannah was potty training!). Now she's resting because she's been in and out going to the bathroom like crazy. All we have to do now is wait for the stone to pass because Dr. Pfister wants my mom to bring it in so he can examine it to see how we can get the rest of the stones to pass. My mom just gave her the second round of antibiotics (she got the first through the shot at the vet's office) by mixing it in with peanut butter.
I think other than obviously worrying about her condition, what we worried about the most was how she would do at the vet's office. I knew going in that Dr. Pfister was a male so I didn't know how Missy would take to him because she's always been skittish around men but she actually took right to him. I think it helps that he used soft tones to her and let her approach him first. When he came back with the xrays, she went right over and let him pet her again, which surprised us. Since she took to him so well, we've decided that we're going to continue to use the Pfister's for check-ups and stuff because we know she isn't afraid of him.
She even did well in the car, minus the moment I had to slam on my brakes because of a stupid driver in front of me and she fell on the floor. :-P She just laid there and looked out the windows and kept sticking her nose in our faces from the backseat.
I can't tell you all how relieved I am that it was nothing more serious than bladder stones. I was so afraid Dr. Pfister would tell me that her system was shutting down but when the nurse took her temp and said it was normal, I began to breathe a little easier. I'm not ready for goodbye yet so I'm glad we have a second chance with her.
And now, I am off to fulfill yet another childhood dream! Two summers ago Megan and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert when they were in Cincinnati and tonight Kelly and I are headed to see the Backstreet Boys!!! EEEEEKKK!!! I can't even tell you how excited I am! We had been tossing the idea around for awhile and finally decided we're going! I am sooo pumped! I have all of their cds and know all of their songs so I can't wait to make another dream come true!!! Tonight is going to be amazing!!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
How do you mend a broken heart?
My heart is breaking in two right now and I'm not sure this break will ever heal. Yesterday, my dog spent the whole day getting sick all over our living room and acting like she had to go to the bathroom, but never actually going. She wouldn't touch her food or any treats that I tried to give her. In the middle of the night, she came into my room and climbed into bed with me and laid there groaning like she was in pain.
I can't even fathom the idea of losing her yet. I know she's getting old because we've been in Cincinnati for almost ten years and had her for a year or two before then. My mom has been saying all summer she thought this might be her last summer with us but I keep refusing to hear those words because I'm not ready to face a loss of this magnitude yet. Missy (my dog) has been my strength and comfort through some of my toughest times and darkest periods and I can't imagine losing her. My mom has said this will be our last pet and not only is this going to hurt me, but it's going to devestate Savannah. She dotes on and adores our dog and I can't imagine what this will do to her too.
My heart hurts so much right now. I just got done crying on the phone with my sister. I'm baby-sitting and had to leave the room so I could cry. I was distracted enough at work to tuck it away but it's all I've been able to think about since I clocked out at 5:30. I'm a mess. I don't know how I'm going to survive this.
I can't even fathom the idea of losing her yet. I know she's getting old because we've been in Cincinnati for almost ten years and had her for a year or two before then. My mom has been saying all summer she thought this might be her last summer with us but I keep refusing to hear those words because I'm not ready to face a loss of this magnitude yet. Missy (my dog) has been my strength and comfort through some of my toughest times and darkest periods and I can't imagine losing her. My mom has said this will be our last pet and not only is this going to hurt me, but it's going to devestate Savannah. She dotes on and adores our dog and I can't imagine what this will do to her too.
My heart hurts so much right now. I just got done crying on the phone with my sister. I'm baby-sitting and had to leave the room so I could cry. I was distracted enough at work to tuck it away but it's all I've been able to think about since I clocked out at 5:30. I'm a mess. I don't know how I'm going to survive this.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Impossible is not a word
Yesterday I did something I never, ever would have imagined I could ever do. I ran my first 5k race. I never would have thought that I'd be able to run 3.1 miles or be in training for a half-marathon which is exactly what I'm doing. I've been training to run a 5k for awhile but kept making excuses as to why I couldn't do it or why I wasn't ready.
About a month ago, Denise told me about this 5k that one of her co-workers was organizing to benefit a local school's cross country team and she asked me to run with her. I finally agreed because I knew if I wanted to run the half-marathon next spring I needed to start doing small races to prepare myself for running 13.1 miles next May.
The night before the race, I laid awake until almost 12:30 telling myself I was crazy and that I couldn't do this. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt sick to my stomach, both from my sinuses and because I still thought I couldn't do this. The closer we got to Denise's house though, the more excited I became. I knew I had worked hard up to this point and it didn't matter what my time was or how much I ran versus how much I walked but the fact was that I was going to cross that finish line no matter what it took.
We arrived about half an hour before the race started and registered. I started stretching and before I knew it it was time to gather at the starting line. When the horn when off, we started at the back but gradually made our way to the middle of the pack. Denise's husband ran the whole thing because he and Denise are training for a half marathon for next month but because Denise has already run a full marathon, she told me she would pace herself with me since it was my first race. Megan also ran with us and between the two of them, they kept me going. I had doubts during parts of the course but Denise kept reminding me of our last three mile training run in 90 degree heat and what I had told her when we were done. I had told her that I had proven to myself that I could do it and how confident it made me feel when we were done. That kept me going for the three mile run from the center of town out to the high school.
I crossed the finish line at 52:20 and not only had I completed the race in under an hour, but I had also shaved EIGHT minutes off of my last three mile training run!! I hadn't run the entire thing but it didn't matter. I had finished and that's all that mattered to me. Since Jon had run the whole race, he was waiting for us at the end of the course. Denise and Megan backed off so I could cross the finish line before them (which was very sweet since it was my first race!). As I came across the finish line, I put my arms up in victory and burst into tears because I had just proven to myself that I could do something I never thought was possible. Jon came running over and gave me a big hug and kept telling me how proud he was that I had finished and how well I had done. Right behind him were Denise and Megan, each of them waiting for me with big hugs and telling me how incredible I had done and how proud they were of me. All I could do was cry which made it impossible to catch my breath since I had run the last quarter mile. :-P
I never honestly thought this day would come. As I ran alongside Denise during her months of training for the marathon and talked about how I wanted to run 5ks and train for the half, inside I was telling myself I was all talk and that it would never happen, that it would be just another one of my plans that fell apart. Well, guess what? It's not! I completed my first race and now I'm pumped to get back to the gym tomorrow night to start training for my next race in September.
After this weekend, I now believe I can do anything I set my mind to. I am absolutely hooked on running and races and there hasn't been any greater feeling in my life up to this point than the experience of coming down that finish line and knowing I had done something I once thought was impossible and crazy. Like the lyrics to "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless say: "Impossible is not a word. It's just a reason for someone not to try." Impossible is no longer a word in my vocabulary and the confidence that brings is incredible.
Denise and I after the 5k!
Without these ladies, I couldn't have done this! 
With Megan before the race!
With my support system and my cheering section. I couldn't have done this on Saturday without them!
About a month ago, Denise told me about this 5k that one of her co-workers was organizing to benefit a local school's cross country team and she asked me to run with her. I finally agreed because I knew if I wanted to run the half-marathon next spring I needed to start doing small races to prepare myself for running 13.1 miles next May.
The night before the race, I laid awake until almost 12:30 telling myself I was crazy and that I couldn't do this. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt sick to my stomach, both from my sinuses and because I still thought I couldn't do this. The closer we got to Denise's house though, the more excited I became. I knew I had worked hard up to this point and it didn't matter what my time was or how much I ran versus how much I walked but the fact was that I was going to cross that finish line no matter what it took.
We arrived about half an hour before the race started and registered. I started stretching and before I knew it it was time to gather at the starting line. When the horn when off, we started at the back but gradually made our way to the middle of the pack. Denise's husband ran the whole thing because he and Denise are training for a half marathon for next month but because Denise has already run a full marathon, she told me she would pace herself with me since it was my first race. Megan also ran with us and between the two of them, they kept me going. I had doubts during parts of the course but Denise kept reminding me of our last three mile training run in 90 degree heat and what I had told her when we were done. I had told her that I had proven to myself that I could do it and how confident it made me feel when we were done. That kept me going for the three mile run from the center of town out to the high school.
I crossed the finish line at 52:20 and not only had I completed the race in under an hour, but I had also shaved EIGHT minutes off of my last three mile training run!! I hadn't run the entire thing but it didn't matter. I had finished and that's all that mattered to me. Since Jon had run the whole race, he was waiting for us at the end of the course. Denise and Megan backed off so I could cross the finish line before them (which was very sweet since it was my first race!). As I came across the finish line, I put my arms up in victory and burst into tears because I had just proven to myself that I could do something I never thought was possible. Jon came running over and gave me a big hug and kept telling me how proud he was that I had finished and how well I had done. Right behind him were Denise and Megan, each of them waiting for me with big hugs and telling me how incredible I had done and how proud they were of me. All I could do was cry which made it impossible to catch my breath since I had run the last quarter mile. :-P
I never honestly thought this day would come. As I ran alongside Denise during her months of training for the marathon and talked about how I wanted to run 5ks and train for the half, inside I was telling myself I was all talk and that it would never happen, that it would be just another one of my plans that fell apart. Well, guess what? It's not! I completed my first race and now I'm pumped to get back to the gym tomorrow night to start training for my next race in September.
After this weekend, I now believe I can do anything I set my mind to. I am absolutely hooked on running and races and there hasn't been any greater feeling in my life up to this point than the experience of coming down that finish line and knowing I had done something I once thought was impossible and crazy. Like the lyrics to "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless say: "Impossible is not a word. It's just a reason for someone not to try." Impossible is no longer a word in my vocabulary and the confidence that brings is incredible.
Denise and I after the 5k!
Without these ladies, I couldn't have done this! With Megan before the race!
With my support system and my cheering section. I couldn't have done this on Saturday without them!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Rambles
I haven't done a real update in awhile and I feel guilty for not writing much so I figured if I just start rambling that maybe it'll make me tired enough to sleep.
There really hasn't been too much going on. I work everyday and when I'm not working I'm always on the go somewhere. It's starting to wear me down though and I asked for the morning off on Monday from work to sleep in a bit. My small group is talking about going to the Bengals-Broncos preseason game Sunday night but even if we don't go, I think I'm still going to keep the morning off just to get some rest.
My 5k is next week and I haven't run at all this week. I haven't been feeling well this week and have been having some trouble breathing so I figured running wasn't a smart idea. I'm worried that I'm not going to do well at the 5k. Denise keeps telling me it's not about the time, but about finishing so that's what I keep telling myself. I just want to finish and to run a good chunk of it.
We're having our state inspection at work tomorrow which is always fun. And when I say fun, I mean no, not really. However, I know my classroom is ready so we should be fine. I just hope my kids behave themselves. We've had a rough two weeks so I hope tomorrow goes smoothly.
My Denver trip is exactly 30 days away and I have been counting down like crazy! I've been missing the boys like crazy and can't wait to get out there for the week. Mike has a bunch of stuff planned for us and I also plan to get in some outdoor running while I'm there. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my friend Kelly is going with me which will be fun. She's never been so I can't wait to show her why I love it so much. We're even going to check out a church while we're there so that will be fun too.
School starts next month. Blah. Part of me is ready to get back but a bigger part of me enjoyed having the summer off. Starting next month, I'm going straight through until I graduate in March of 2012. That means summer classes next summer since I'm part time and didn't take the other two classes required last summer. It's going to be a busy year and a half, but I just keep reminding myself that when I have that Master's degree in my hand it will all be worth it, even if I'll be paying off student loans until the day I die. :-P
Alright, I think that's all I've got for tonight. I need to get some sleep to chase my crazy three year olds tomorrow when state is in the building.
There really hasn't been too much going on. I work everyday and when I'm not working I'm always on the go somewhere. It's starting to wear me down though and I asked for the morning off on Monday from work to sleep in a bit. My small group is talking about going to the Bengals-Broncos preseason game Sunday night but even if we don't go, I think I'm still going to keep the morning off just to get some rest.
My 5k is next week and I haven't run at all this week. I haven't been feeling well this week and have been having some trouble breathing so I figured running wasn't a smart idea. I'm worried that I'm not going to do well at the 5k. Denise keeps telling me it's not about the time, but about finishing so that's what I keep telling myself. I just want to finish and to run a good chunk of it.
We're having our state inspection at work tomorrow which is always fun. And when I say fun, I mean no, not really. However, I know my classroom is ready so we should be fine. I just hope my kids behave themselves. We've had a rough two weeks so I hope tomorrow goes smoothly.
My Denver trip is exactly 30 days away and I have been counting down like crazy! I've been missing the boys like crazy and can't wait to get out there for the week. Mike has a bunch of stuff planned for us and I also plan to get in some outdoor running while I'm there. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but my friend Kelly is going with me which will be fun. She's never been so I can't wait to show her why I love it so much. We're even going to check out a church while we're there so that will be fun too.
School starts next month. Blah. Part of me is ready to get back but a bigger part of me enjoyed having the summer off. Starting next month, I'm going straight through until I graduate in March of 2012. That means summer classes next summer since I'm part time and didn't take the other two classes required last summer. It's going to be a busy year and a half, but I just keep reminding myself that when I have that Master's degree in my hand it will all be worth it, even if I'll be paying off student loans until the day I die. :-P
Alright, I think that's all I've got for tonight. I need to get some sleep to chase my crazy three year olds tomorrow when state is in the building.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Confidence
I'm getting ready to head out to baby-sit my favorite cousins tonight so I'm going to make this quick. It's on my mind and I know if I don't blog about it now, I'll never get around to blogging about it so I figured I would do it now so I don't have to take my computer with me tonight.
I just got done taking a shower and I'm amazed at the confident young woman that was staring back at me in the mirror when I was getting dressed. Two years ago, I never would have imagined that my life would be where it is right now or that I would ever have confidence in the person I have grown up to be. I never would have thought myself capable of training for a half marathon or even losing the weight that over the years I have struggled with.
Three years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS, I thought my life was over. My dreams of having a family had suddenly vanished, along with the hope of ever getting married because who would want to marry a woman who couldn't give them a family? It took me almost a year to work through the emotions of being told that I may never have kids of my own before I realized that if I'm meant to have kids, God will bless me with a family, whether they be my own flesh and blood or children I've adopted who have captured my heart. This diagnosis no longer hung over my head and I began to make changes to overcome what the doctors had told me.
Each doctor's appointment, I was constantly lectured on how much I could control my own treatmeant by exercising and eating right. I blew it off until about six months after I graduated from OU. I had grown to hate the person staring back at me from the mirror and silently asked myself how I had ever let myself get to the weight I was at. Yes, I may have lost about 20 pounds from the time I was diagnosed and started medicine to the time I joined Fitworks, but I still hated the person I had become.
Now, three years after my diagnosis and almost two years after joining Fitworks, I am down a whopping 50 pounds and I'm training for a half marathon. I still have a long way to go before I hit a weight that is acceptable for my height but suddenly it no longer seems impossible. For me, it's no longer about the numbers on the scale. Yes, I love when they drop each month (such as this morning when I got on and I had dropped another three pounds from last month which put me at my July goal!) but it's no longer the numbers I care about. It's the confidence and maturity I see in myself that matters the most.
I'm signing up to run a 5k on August 21st, the first of many I hope to run in anticipation of running 13.1 miles at the Flying Pig next May. This morning Denise and I went for a three mile run/walk (because let's face it-I can't run three full miles yet!) and we were talking about how incredible it is for me to be at this point because last year at this time, I dreaded running. I couldn't run further than a couple of houses down the street from her before I had to stop and catch my breath. Now, I can run almost a quarter of a mile before having to stop, which for me is an incredible step. After finishing three miles this morning for the first time ever, I proved to myself that I CAN and WILL finish this 5k in August and I CAN and WILL finish the half marathon at the Pig next May.
Denise commented on my outfit this morning because I had bought actual running clothes last weekend and she mentioned how trim I looked. I tend to still blow these comments about my weight loss off because I still feel self conscious, but this morning I loved that she acknowledged it. It helped for someone else to see the progress I'm making and to comment on it. It boosts my confidence each time someone else sees the progress that I'm making, especially when I get frustrated at times that I'm not where I want myself to be.
My cousin Jen says that running is 95% a mental state and that to make progress, I need to believe that I can do it. After this morning and the three miles I finished, I now believe. I KNOW I can do this and I can't wait to cross that finish line, both at the 5k in August and then at the half marathon in May. I still can't believe this is my life and where I'm at, but what I do know is that I love the confidence I have developed and the person I'm slowly growing into. It was a long time coming and damn does it feel good!
I just got done taking a shower and I'm amazed at the confident young woman that was staring back at me in the mirror when I was getting dressed. Two years ago, I never would have imagined that my life would be where it is right now or that I would ever have confidence in the person I have grown up to be. I never would have thought myself capable of training for a half marathon or even losing the weight that over the years I have struggled with.
Three years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS, I thought my life was over. My dreams of having a family had suddenly vanished, along with the hope of ever getting married because who would want to marry a woman who couldn't give them a family? It took me almost a year to work through the emotions of being told that I may never have kids of my own before I realized that if I'm meant to have kids, God will bless me with a family, whether they be my own flesh and blood or children I've adopted who have captured my heart. This diagnosis no longer hung over my head and I began to make changes to overcome what the doctors had told me.
Each doctor's appointment, I was constantly lectured on how much I could control my own treatmeant by exercising and eating right. I blew it off until about six months after I graduated from OU. I had grown to hate the person staring back at me from the mirror and silently asked myself how I had ever let myself get to the weight I was at. Yes, I may have lost about 20 pounds from the time I was diagnosed and started medicine to the time I joined Fitworks, but I still hated the person I had become.
Now, three years after my diagnosis and almost two years after joining Fitworks, I am down a whopping 50 pounds and I'm training for a half marathon. I still have a long way to go before I hit a weight that is acceptable for my height but suddenly it no longer seems impossible. For me, it's no longer about the numbers on the scale. Yes, I love when they drop each month (such as this morning when I got on and I had dropped another three pounds from last month which put me at my July goal!) but it's no longer the numbers I care about. It's the confidence and maturity I see in myself that matters the most.
I'm signing up to run a 5k on August 21st, the first of many I hope to run in anticipation of running 13.1 miles at the Flying Pig next May. This morning Denise and I went for a three mile run/walk (because let's face it-I can't run three full miles yet!) and we were talking about how incredible it is for me to be at this point because last year at this time, I dreaded running. I couldn't run further than a couple of houses down the street from her before I had to stop and catch my breath. Now, I can run almost a quarter of a mile before having to stop, which for me is an incredible step. After finishing three miles this morning for the first time ever, I proved to myself that I CAN and WILL finish this 5k in August and I CAN and WILL finish the half marathon at the Pig next May.
Denise commented on my outfit this morning because I had bought actual running clothes last weekend and she mentioned how trim I looked. I tend to still blow these comments about my weight loss off because I still feel self conscious, but this morning I loved that she acknowledged it. It helped for someone else to see the progress I'm making and to comment on it. It boosts my confidence each time someone else sees the progress that I'm making, especially when I get frustrated at times that I'm not where I want myself to be.
My cousin Jen says that running is 95% a mental state and that to make progress, I need to believe that I can do it. After this morning and the three miles I finished, I now believe. I KNOW I can do this and I can't wait to cross that finish line, both at the 5k in August and then at the half marathon in May. I still can't believe this is my life and where I'm at, but what I do know is that I love the confidence I have developed and the person I'm slowly growing into. It was a long time coming and damn does it feel good!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Letting God write my love story
Last night I decided on a whim to stop by the library on my way home. I haven't been to the West Chester library since the new branch opened about a year ago and since I wasn't feeling well, I wanted something to read. I got a new library card (it's been that long since I've been there!) and started exploring the shelves when I stumbled across this book called Never the Bride by Cheryl McKay and Rene Gutteridge. Since we all know I'm a sap and complain about how I'm always the bridesmaid and never the bride, I decided to check this book out without even reading the back of the book to see what it was about.
I started it last night and fell asleep about two chapters in thanks to my cold meds and then read some more on my lunch break today. I hated to put it down and finished it tonight in a hot bath after movie night with my mom. This book was my life in a nutshell. The main character, Jessie, was in her thirties, but other than that, she could have been telling my life story. The best part of the whole book? It was given from a Christian perspective and was about her struggle to give God the pen to her love story. I laughed, I cried, I groaned, and I rejoiced throughout the whole book. I don't want to share more details because I think it's a must read, but it got me thinking, which is the point of this post.
In the book, Jessie struggles to understand why she's single. She looks for love in all the wrong places and you can't help but groan during a couple of chapters when she's setting herself up for disaster by dating a man you know is clearly wrong for her. As I read those chapters, I couldn't help but ask myself how many times I've done that too. God's timing isn't good enough for me so I have eyes for the first guy who shows me attention, thinking that he is the answer God is clearly giving me. After all, he showed up in my life at just the right moment. Clearly this is what God wants isn't it?
I can't tell you how many times since high school that this scene has played out in my life and how many times I have been left broken hearted because of it. When am I going to give God the pen to my journal and let Him write my love story? How long will I keep taking back control instead of letting Him write this beautiful story He knows is best for me?
That's what this year of not dating is all about. It's about trusting, believing, and knowing that God's way is best and that if I allow Him to, He has a beautiful story for my future. It may not be the future that I envision with the person I envision and dream of, but it will be the right future because it will be one that He ordains and scripts out for me. There is nothing I want more than that future, even if it means waiting.
I started it last night and fell asleep about two chapters in thanks to my cold meds and then read some more on my lunch break today. I hated to put it down and finished it tonight in a hot bath after movie night with my mom. This book was my life in a nutshell. The main character, Jessie, was in her thirties, but other than that, she could have been telling my life story. The best part of the whole book? It was given from a Christian perspective and was about her struggle to give God the pen to her love story. I laughed, I cried, I groaned, and I rejoiced throughout the whole book. I don't want to share more details because I think it's a must read, but it got me thinking, which is the point of this post.
In the book, Jessie struggles to understand why she's single. She looks for love in all the wrong places and you can't help but groan during a couple of chapters when she's setting herself up for disaster by dating a man you know is clearly wrong for her. As I read those chapters, I couldn't help but ask myself how many times I've done that too. God's timing isn't good enough for me so I have eyes for the first guy who shows me attention, thinking that he is the answer God is clearly giving me. After all, he showed up in my life at just the right moment. Clearly this is what God wants isn't it?
I can't tell you how many times since high school that this scene has played out in my life and how many times I have been left broken hearted because of it. When am I going to give God the pen to my journal and let Him write my love story? How long will I keep taking back control instead of letting Him write this beautiful story He knows is best for me?
That's what this year of not dating is all about. It's about trusting, believing, and knowing that God's way is best and that if I allow Him to, He has a beautiful story for my future. It may not be the future that I envision with the person I envision and dream of, but it will be the right future because it will be one that He ordains and scripts out for me. There is nothing I want more than that future, even if it means waiting.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Big changes are coming...I think?
For the last two weeks, I've felt as if God is tugging on my heart and trying to get my attention. What it is He's trying to tell me, I still haven't deciphered, but I'm working on it. We've been talking in our small group and with the youth lately about dying to ourselves and doing things outside of our comfort zone that we clearly know God is calling us to do, even when we ourselves don't think we are capable of doing them.
This is where I am right now. I can clearly hear God calling me to start reaching out to other young adults in our church, people who are not involved in other groups and people I think could benefit from the fellowship and growth that our group has experienced together. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I don't personally know some of these people, though I can sense God pushing me to reach out. I don't do well in new social situations so this is holding me back from reaching out to them. I know I need to get over this hump because we've been talking about our group needing to grow and reach out so I need to stop being stubborn and let God lead this to where it needs to go.
Along with that, I've been involved with our youth group since last fall when I volunteered to chaperone fall retreat. Since then, I have been actively attending Sunday evenings and even Sunday morning during Sunday school. God has laid it on my heart to become more involved with the girls in the group and start pouring into their lives even more than I already do. Seth has organized a girls night out in August during which I'm hoping to get a feel for what it is they need and want. Seth is obviously a man so he can't understand some of their teenage struggles and I want them to know they have a woman they can look up to and turn to when they need someone.
Again, the only problem with this is that I feel as if I'm incapable of doing this. God has called me to work with these youth and invest in their lives but yet I hold myself back because I let myself think that I can't do it. Seth has asked me if I have interest in teaching occasionally on Sunday nights and after praying about it, I feel as if it's something I'm being led to do but I'm letting my silly human emotions get in the way of the work God wants to do with this group.
I'm also sensing Him working in my own personal life in areas I'm not fully ready to disclose yet. Some of it is relationships, some of it is friendships, and some of it is my future after grad school. I'm praying and journaling and trying to make sense of where God is trying to lead me. I know He'll never give me more than I can handle so I need to shake off these feelings of being incapable and roll with what God is leading me to do. I think He could do great things through me if I could only let Him have control.
This is where I am right now. I can clearly hear God calling me to start reaching out to other young adults in our church, people who are not involved in other groups and people I think could benefit from the fellowship and growth that our group has experienced together. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I don't personally know some of these people, though I can sense God pushing me to reach out. I don't do well in new social situations so this is holding me back from reaching out to them. I know I need to get over this hump because we've been talking about our group needing to grow and reach out so I need to stop being stubborn and let God lead this to where it needs to go.
Along with that, I've been involved with our youth group since last fall when I volunteered to chaperone fall retreat. Since then, I have been actively attending Sunday evenings and even Sunday morning during Sunday school. God has laid it on my heart to become more involved with the girls in the group and start pouring into their lives even more than I already do. Seth has organized a girls night out in August during which I'm hoping to get a feel for what it is they need and want. Seth is obviously a man so he can't understand some of their teenage struggles and I want them to know they have a woman they can look up to and turn to when they need someone.
Again, the only problem with this is that I feel as if I'm incapable of doing this. God has called me to work with these youth and invest in their lives but yet I hold myself back because I let myself think that I can't do it. Seth has asked me if I have interest in teaching occasionally on Sunday nights and after praying about it, I feel as if it's something I'm being led to do but I'm letting my silly human emotions get in the way of the work God wants to do with this group.
I'm also sensing Him working in my own personal life in areas I'm not fully ready to disclose yet. Some of it is relationships, some of it is friendships, and some of it is my future after grad school. I'm praying and journaling and trying to make sense of where God is trying to lead me. I know He'll never give me more than I can handle so I need to shake off these feelings of being incapable and roll with what God is leading me to do. I think He could do great things through me if I could only let Him have control.
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