Blind date

Since I'm home, I figure it's time to give you all details since I left you all hanging in suspense on Friday. Denise, read no further until I call you tonight!

Last week, I wrote an entry about how Megan wanted to set me up on a blind date and that I had agreed to let her give this guy she knows my phone number. Well, nothing came of that because he never called me or anything.

On Thursday night, I drove up to Dayton to have dinner and hang out with Andrea who was in town for a funeral. We had such a great time hanging out and laughing with her family and it was such a good reminder for us that no matter how far apart we are, we'll always be best friends. I can't imagine what life would be like without her.

On Friday morning, she was working out of Cincinnati International Airport (she actually works in Minneapolis) so we were chatting on the phone on our drives to work. She asked me about my facebook status about the blind date so I shared with her about Megan wanting to set me up. She then proceeded to tell me about this guy she works with when she works at CVG (the airport) and that she thought we would like each other. I fought her for awhile, telling her I had gotten my hopes up earlier in the week and that I wasn't going through that. She kept pushing so I finally agreed to it because I honestly didn't think it would go anywhere.

I'm not normally the type of person to wait by my phone but I checked it during a quick break I had taken at work and I had three text messages from her. One was a picture of Jeremy (that's his name) and two others were text messages saying that he thought I was cute and wanted to know when my break was because he wanted to drive in and take me to lunch. At first I was hesitant until she told me that she would be there to act as a buffer incase Jeremy and I didn't hit it off.

Well, imagine my surprise when we actually DID hit it off. We found out that we both have a slightly crazy obsession with Disney and we both love to travel. We chatted about Denver and it turns out he knows a lot of the places I've been to. We got so wrapped up in our conversation at one point that poor Andrea was just sitting in a corner texting her boyfriend on her cell phone. I apologized for that later but she told me it was what she had wanted to happen. haha

At the end of lunch (which he paid for!) he held the door open for us and then he shook my hand which I thought was cute. haha We exchanged numbers and I told him that we should do this again sometime without Andrea, which made both of us laugh. I went back to work all smiles and then had to explain myself to all of my coworkers and my boss, all of whom knew about my date because originally they weren't going to give me a lunch break and were going to send me home at 3 since I was supposed to leave at 4 anyway. I put my foot down though and fought Stacey until she agreed to find someone to cover me so I could still go on my date. Of course the entire staff found out, which doesn't surprise me since I work with 25 women! Gossip spreads quickly!

When I got off of work, I text Jeremy to tell him thank you for lunch and that I had a really good time. We chatted for a bit before I had to leave for camp and I haven't talked to him since because he's in Tennessee for the weekend. I haven't been able to get my mind off of him and did text him once last night to tell him I hoped he was having fun but left it at that. The ball is in his court now so if he really did like me, then it's his move.

Now, I owe you all an explanation. I was leery of going out with Jeremy because Andrea had told me he was 36, had been married, and has kids. Four of them to be exact. The age wasn't a factor for me, nor was the fact that he had been married. I can deal with those. But the fact that he has kids is a little scary for me. However, I decided to give it a try anyway and really surprised myself when I genuinely liked him. I hadn't expected to hit it off with him and counted this as one of those things I was doing to get Andrea off of my back so I was shocked when we clicked imediately.

I still have reservations about him having kids but at this stage in my life, the people in my life aren't surprised by the fact that I would even consider it. I've always been more mature for my age so dating someone older than me isn't an issue. Things just always get scary when kids are involved and when exes are involved. Considering I've never been in a relationship, this would be new territory for me.

I'm not sure what's going to happen honestly. Like I said, the ball is in his court. In the last 48 hours however, I've found myself being "that" girl, the one who is anxiously sitting by the phone waiting to see if he's going to call or not. It's driving me crazy that he hasn't, even though I know he's in Tennessee with his kids and that today they're driving home. He has full custody so I know things are going to be completely different for him than for me so I need to be patient.

The fact that he hasnn't called yet is giving me doubts though and making my brain go crazy. I text Andrea this morning and told her that I was afraid he hadn't called yet because he really didn't think I was cute and didn't like me, etc. Being the great best friend she is, she immediately sent me back a reply saying "Has he given you a reason to doubt? No! Remember he's with his kids, he could be driving home. You have to be patient," which I know is true. His timing is going to be different than mine, especially because he does have the kids. It's just driving me crazy not knowing if he actually liked me or not.

So there you have it. I had a really great time on Friday and I actually really liked him. I prayed about it a lot this weekend during fall retreat with the kids and I have peace about seeing where this goes, if it goes anywhere. I never thought I would consider this but I'm interested to see if it does go anywhere. I'm just a bundle of nerves waiting to see if anything is going to come of it. I know you risk getting hurt anytime you open yourself to something new and this is no different. It still doesn't make it easy. I hate waiting and I'm not the most patient person in the world but I'm trying.

I still have butterflies and smile whenever I think of Friday so we'll see what happens!

Quick teaser!

Just a quick teaser to say I went out on a "date" today with a guy that one of my other friends set me up with. This one was completely different than the one I mentioned in the last entry and it all happened so quickly.

I have to leave for camp but I just wanted to leave a teaser saying that I went on a date and I'll fill you in when I get back on Sunday. All I can say is-I can't stop smiling and I have butterflies!

Matchmaker

Just a quick entry before bed because my four mile run is finally kicking in and the adrenaline has worn off so now I'm just exhausted.

Megan and I had dinner tonight and I was able to share with her a lot of what was on my heart, things I've been letting build up for awhile that I spilled out in an e-mail to my dear friend Heather last night. In the midst of that conversation, Megan jokingly asked me if she could set me up with a guy she used to date, someone who she's still friends with but thinks would be good for me.

At first, I told her she was crazy. But then I started thinking about it and kept asking myself what harm there could be in it. After all, I don't exactly travel in social circles with many available guys in my age group so how else am I going to meet someone if I don't put myself out there right? I posed the question to my facebook status and it wasn't long before I had close to 20 comments on it, some saying I shouldn't do it, but most saying I should.

I finally caved and gave Megan permission to work her magic. She has apparently given this guy my phone number and now I'm just waiting to see how this works outs. About an hour later I decided I didn't want to be "that" girl who sits by the phone anxiously waiting for a guy to call or not call so I made myself go to the gym and run the four miles I needed to run tonight, even though I had contemplated not going because Denise was working late. Those four miles did wonders for me because I was able to clear my head and forget about it while I watched the CMA's.

I had a great run though and loved pushing myself harder and further than I've pushed myself in the last several months of my training. I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning but it will be so well worth it.

Alright, I should get some sleep because I'm chaperoning fall retreat with the youth this weekend and I know I won't sleep much being in a cabin with a bunch of giggly junior high and high school girls!

Not where I pictured I'd be

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I think a lot of it is coming from being one of the only single people in my immediate circle of friends lately. I don't know how this has happened again but it has and it sucks. My weekends have been spent at home recently because on any given Friday and Saturday evening my friends are out on dates. Maybe that's why I've poured my life into my school work and running lately. It's the only thing I have keeping me going.

This isn't exactly where I pictured I'd be at 26. I thought by now I'd be married and getting ready to have kids. I thought I'd be out on my own instead of still living at home with my parents. The only thing that's going right is that I'm in school working on my Master's, taking steps towards being an advocate for our school children who don't have a voice for themselves. I'm living out my dream and proving to everyone who didn't believe in me growing up that I'm making something of myself.

I know that God has a plan and I know His timing is perfect, but right now, it's another season in my life that I'm struggling with. I'm struggling to understand why everyone my age is settling down in great careers, are in healthy and happy relationships, and are starting their families and God has asked me to remain single for this time. It just doesn't seem fair and maybe it's why I keep losing myself in these situations I know are unhealthy for me.

I hate that I keep letting myself fall into this season. 99% of the time I am perfectly content and don't let it bother me but every now and then I find myself struggling and wondering "why me?" I have so much else in my life that is fulfilling me that I don't know why I let this one area become the thing that I focus on. I'm running full speed ahead at my future, one that is bright as the sun and something I've always wanted to do. I'm in a place health wise where I'm taking care of my body and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. Running has given me this amazing confidence I never knew could exist in my life. I can look in the mirror and actually like (most of the time!) the person who is looking back at me. We all have those days where nothing we own fits right or when our hair just doesn't want to sit right. It's a part of life. But I can still walk into a room with my head held high, knowing that I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

So why is it that I still feel myself longing for something God clearly doesn't have for me right now? It's not to say He never will. He may eventually bring along the right person for me, someone He has been molding to be my husband, but right now, He's asking me to be single and to be content with that. I need to learn what that contentment is all about. In the last 11 months, I don't feel like I've learned that at all. I don't know if taking another year off dating is the right response either, but I still feel as if I have a lot to learn about God's plan for my own personal life and where He is taking me. I can already feel Him convicting me in certain areas of my life and I need to stop taking those back from Him. He's trying to teach me lessons that are going to be crucial to my future so I need to step back and let Him reveal those lessons to me or else I'm never going to be able to see the bigger picture He has for my life.

The question is: how do you begin to achieve that contentment? What am I missing and how do I allow myself to be content in the Lord? You'd think after eight years of following the Lord that I would know the answer to that but I don't. Instead, I just keep floundering and allowing myself to get caught up in all these worldly emotions that make me human. All I want is to be Christ like and to let Him guide my life. How do I stop myself from taking the pen back out of His hand?

The life of a busy grad student and runner

I realized I haven't done a proper update in weeks (unless you're privy to my more personal blog on another site) so I figured since I'm procrastinating that this would be the perfect time to do it. I'm not actually procrastinating-I'm giving my brain a small break after writing a reflection paper and taking a quiz before I start researching another paper and take my Stats midterm. :-P

My birthday weekend a couple weeks back was probably one of the best birthdays I've had in years, simply because I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm confident in myself and feel good about who I am and where I am in my life. Vince came in from Athens for the weekend which was fun as always. He put up with all my random shenanigans, including having to drive me home after my birthday dinner because I had two daiquiris that went straight to my head. haha

I ran a 5k the morning of my birthday celebration and finished in 47:48, cutting another minute off of my overall 5k time. I loved that I finished, but the week after the race was a difficult week in my half marathon training because I was disappointed in myself. I had set a goal of finishing in 45 minutes or under, which clearly didn't happen. On top of that, I didn't run as much of it as I had planned on doing because it was cold outside and it hurt my lungs to run in the cold. My training that week was rough because I just kept telling myself I couldn't do it, I don't know why I ever thought I could, and that I was crazy for thinking I could actually do something like running a half marathon.

Luckily, I have a GREAT training partner in Denise who was right there with me every step of the way pushing me and encouraging me and cheering me on through the darkest of moments that week. She kept reminding me of how far I've come since I officially started training in May and how far I've come in the year that I've been working out along side of her while she trained last year for the full marathon. Since that week, my training has kicked into full gear again and I'm now just weeks away from running my first 10k, which is 6.2 miles. I'm running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, something I have been eagerly looking forward to for the last couple of months. I completed my first four mile run last week and tomorrow I'm running five miles with Denise.

I have to give Denise major props-without her, I wouldn't be able to do this. She has been there every step of the way with me and she pushes me when I don't think I can keep running. She has put up with all of my whining about my various aches and pains (something I'm becoming accustomed to as a runner!) and my mental state and she still hasn't give up on me. If I were her, I would have gone running for the hills months ago but instead, she stays along side of me and just keeps cheering me on. She is my biggest fan and without her, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Other than the running and my birthday celebration, my life has been all work and school lately. I had to take two six hour inservices for work to keep my certification current so I spent four nights in the last two weeks at work for three extra hours both nights to sit through a Communicable Disease class and a Child Abuse and Neglect course. On those nights I also went straight to the gym for training runs, so I've been busy.

School is stressing me out this quarter. I'm taking a Group Theory and Process class, which I actually enjoy. I wish I had taken it before my practicum last spring because it would have been much more beneficial to running the groups at the school I was at. I'm also taking Stats, which has been the bane of my existence all quarter. All I do is study for that class, which is paying off because I have an A but I'm still stressed over it. I have to take my midterm tonight online so I'm praying I do well on it.

As the quarter winds down, I'm looking at one more quiz, a couple more journals, and a 10-15 page research paper for my Group Theory class. For Stats, I have I think two more assignments, the midterm, and a take home final to complete. My social life is pretty much non-existent between now and the week after Thanksgiving when the 10-15 page paper is due. The only exception to that is chaperoning fall retreat next weekend which I think will be good for us adults, along with the youth. I know all of this hard work is going to pay off when I'm looking at another quarter of excellent grades but I miss having a life!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and where I want to be after grad school is done. I keep going back and forth on moving to Denver and I'm trying to figure out if that's where God is really calling me to. I'm going out for two weeks in June after spring classes are over and taking the state boards out there just so I can have a back up plan incase I can't find a job here. I'm also looking at getting licensed in Kentucky and Indiana since both of those are close to Cincinnati as well. I need to do some soul searching and praying to figure out exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Speaking of my spiritual life...well, that's where I've been struggling the most. I have felt so completely empty lately and finally broke down and met with my small group leader. He encouraged me to "cut the fat" and let go of things that I don't need in my life right now. We tried to figure out where I could make cuts and decided that my side baby-sitting jobs needed to go, especially since most of the families I was sitting for waited until the last minute to call me and I was taking the jobs because I needed the money. Since I was baby-sitting so much, I wasn't getting enough time to do homework and that just added to my stress level. I was choosing to sleep in on Sundays instead of going to church because I wasn't sleeping on the weekends so I could stay up late to do homework. It was a viscious cycle and it was killing me.

My wonderful and amazing friend Heather from OU has been so incredible through all of this. She follows me on twitter and has seen some of my more distressing tweets and so she and I now have a long distance accountability partnership going. We've vowed to spend 20 minutes a day in the Word and share with each other what we've learned and what the Lord is revealing to us. It's been so helpful and has left me feeling so refreshed. God knew exactly what I needed in letting us continue our friendship since we graduated from OU, even if she's in Indiana and I'm here in Ohio. I am so blessed by her friendship and I don't know what I would do without her.

I'm slowly coming up out of the pit that I've been in and can see the light on the other side of the valley. I know we have seasons in our life where we struggle and I'm blessed by the people the Lord has brought into my life to bring me through this latest valley in my life. I still have a lot of struggles going on in my heart (if you're privy to my other blog you know this) but I know that I'm going to be okay. It's going to take baby steps but by God's grace, I know He still loves me, regardless of the sins I commit and the choices I make in my life. His grace covers all and for that I am grateful.

For now, I need to run to the grocery store and then get back to the books so I can finish this midterm and start on my research paper. A few more weeks. I can make it right?

Time to celebrate!

After an emotional week with the funeral and some other stuff going on at work, I'm ready to move forward and enjoy my weekend. Vince is coming in from Athens for the weekend to help celebrate my birthday and I can't for him to be here!

Saturday I'm running my third 5k race with Megan! She picked up our race numbers and our shirts yesterday and I'm pumped to see how well I do this time around. I'm aiming for 45 minutes or under but we'll see how I do. My goal is a good night's sleep tomorrow night so I have the proper energy for the race on Saturday morning. This one is an early one and starts at 7:45 so my plan is to shower and go back to bed for awhile when I get home. :-P

I can not wait to go out Saturday night! A big group of us are going to Don Pablos on the river for dinner and then probably hanging out in Newport somewhere. I'm not really sure what the plan is yet. Plus Adrienne's mom, who is also my second mom, is coming into town and she's going out with us so I can't wait to see her!

Alright, I need to get some sleep. I have to be at work early tomorrow because we're going to be short staffed tomorrow. Here's to a great and much needed weekend!!

Bittersweet

Today is my 26th birthday and it has been bittersweet. My grandpa santa (as we affectionately called him) passed away at the young age of 86 on Friday morning and today was his funeral. I took the day off of work and school and spent the day with my family, celebrating the life of a man we all loved dearly.

I hadn't cried since my aunt called me with the news on Friday afternoon and I made it through a good chunk of the visitation until someone was talking with us and told us that the only way she could describe Grandpa to her son who had never met him was "He truly was santa claus." Cue the water works. There were many, many happy memories shared during the visitation and we spent a lot of time laughing over these sweet, sweet memories we have.

The memorial service at the church was difficult. From the moment they wheeled the flag covered coffin into the sanctuary, I was in tears. The pastor and a few others who spoke during the service moved me to tears, especially when one of grandpa's dear friends got up to the podium and shared with us how grandpa told the doctors right before his triple by pass surgery a couple of months ago that he didn't have anything to lose, because he'd either wake up in the arms of his wife or wake up in the arms of his saviour. I lost it then. To have that kind of faith astounds me and I can only hope and pray my faith is as incredible as his someday.

The service at the cemetary was hard. It was a full military service because grandpa served in the Army and fought during World War 2. I haven't been to a military service since my grandpa (my mom's dad) passed away when I was 10. I teared up during the gun salute but the water works really started when they played Taps and presented the flag to grandma Betty.

As much as it hurts at the loss of this incredible man from our lives, it brings me so much comfort to know he is waiting to greet me in Heaven and that he is walking with the Lord and taking joy and delight at being out of pain and sickness. If I didn't have that comfort of knowing that he's with the Lord I don't think I could have made it through today.

We will always miss grandpa santa and the light and joy he brought to all of our lives. I can't wait until the day we're reunited in Heaven and live together for eternity.