Eating my soul

Grad school is eating my soul.

The end. I'll be back with a proper update eventually.

One of those days

Today was one of those days where my emotions spiraled out of control to the point where I broke down in tears because of it. I finally forced myself to take my birthday mix out of my cd player and put in my worship mix.

I just don't understand how my life can be so full and so blessed and yet I still have these moments where I feel so completely empty and lonely inside.

I'm worn out physically, mentally, and emotionally. Work and school are taking a huge toll on me. My friendships are draining me. All of my other relationships are all over the spectrum and I'm just drained.

I feel like I could go to sleep tonight and sleep for a month. Oh how I wish I could. There are no sleep in days looming and I'm getting to the point where I'm about to request a day off of work just so I can rest. I need a vacation. I was looking forward to all this me time this week with my parents gone and instead I'm so busy I don't have time for me time.

Is it winter break yet for both school and work???

My two cents

This song has been stuck in my head all weekend because Vince and I pretty much wore my birthday mix out listening to it so much in the car because it's the one cd we know we both like. I love this song in particular because it's really been speaking to me about my current boy predicament. I think I've listened to this song at least seven or eight times today because I just can't stop thinking about the chorus or the particular boy in my head and heart...

My Two Cents
Shane Piasecki

Throwing pennies in the wishing well
And I think to myself
If only you were here right now
I try to make believe
Pretend you're here with me
If things ain't what they seem
Well baby we'll work it out

So come back anytime you're ready
Cause I'm ready to be with you
I remember when you said
If it ain't broke don't fix it
If it ain't gone don't miss it
If you believe it's love then don't let them change your mind
Try to find a deeper reason
Time will change to another season
Oh, oh, oh and on and on the story goes

I go to the place where we used to meet
Do you ever go there too, do you ever think of me?
Oh we met on a hot summer day
And it started to rain
Water fell from the sky and down your face

So come back anytime you're ready
Cause I'm ready to be with you
I remember when you said
If it ain't broke don't fix it
If it ain't gone don't miss it
If you believe it's love then don't let them change your mind
Try to find a deeper reason
Time will change to another season
Oh, oh, oh and on and on the story goes
On and on the story goes

If it ain't broke don't fix it
If it ain't gone don't miss it
If you believe it's love then don't let them change your mind
Try to find a deeper reason
Time will change to another season
Oh, oh, oh and on and on the story goes
On and on the story goes

Bit the dust

So my laptop bit the dust this week. I've been so busy I haven't had time to update and now that my laptop is out of commission, so am I. I'm on my parents at the moment so as soon as I get a new one, I'll be back with a substantial update.

I'm so disappointed because I had found some great deals on flights to Denver and planned on booking my flight in the next week or so. I'm glad I haven't yet because now the money in my savings has to go towards a new computer so I'll have it for school.

I'm so frustrated but I know it'll all be okay. I have another financial aid refund coming in January so I'll just buy a ticket then. It'll all work out. One way or another, I'm going to Denver in March. Eight years is too long to go without seeing someone you used to be so close to.

On a more positive and exciting note, Vince is coming to visit on Friday and I haven't seen him since May so I'm psyched! It'll be fun to have the whole weekend together doing fun Cincinnati things and just hanging out.

Okay, I'm off to do homework and sleep. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

Purged

I should really be in bed since it's 1:45 in the morning and I have to get up at 9 to deal with UC's parking services in the morning for a parking pass but I decided on a whim (I seem to be good at this in the last 24 hours since I chose to cut my hair last night on a whim!) to purge my closet of everything that was too big.

I have an entire laundry basket of just clothes I yanked off of hangers. This doesn't include my other closet of t-shirts and shoes that I haven't gone through yet. After purging everything that is too big, I was left with about four pairs of dress pants, three pairs of capris, three pairs of jeans, and a few shirts. I'm good on pants for awhile since I just bought two new pairs tonight but my shirts are definitely going to have to be replenished because some of them are too nice to be wearing while I work at a preschool. I also had to purge all but one of my fall and winter sweaters which means I need some more of those too.

It made me sad to purge some of my clothes because I loved them but as I stared in the mirror and saw how some of those clothes swam on me now, I wondered how I ever let myself get to that size and weight. I looked through some pictures on myspace from college and I'm just amazed at the change in the last two years. Some of the weight started coming off as I started taking the meds for my PCOS, but most of it has come off since joining Fitworks.

Looking back over the last nine months, I am so glad I chose to make the leap of faith and join a gym. It was one of the hardest and scariest decisions of my life because I had always been intimidated by people who worked out and went to the gym but I love that I made that choice to become healthy and change my life. I have more energy now than I ever did. I actually enjoy running around with the kids I work with and my nieces and nephew, and all the kids I baby-sit for when before I would have been content to just let them play by themselves because I didn't have the energy to chase them. Now, they love when I go outside with them and join in their activities. I love life and being able to enjoy physical activities.

I was so tempted tonight to keep some of the clothes I loved the most but knew it would be too easy to fall back in that "comfort" zone and have those clothes to fall back onto. By tossing out everything that's too big, I'm telling myself that I will never let myself go back to that weight and instead, will keep looking to the future and the weight I know I still need to lose.

I did, however, keep the dress I wore at my college graduation and I tucked it in the back of the closet with all of my formal dresses that I keep for sentimental reasons. (Yes, I am a sap!) I just couldn't bring myself to part with it because it had been worn on such a big occasion but because it's so big, it's not something I'll be tempted to wear in public. :-P

The best part of purging my closet other than the new shopping spree I know I get to go on? All of my clothes I'm getting rid of will go to the Salvation Army. They come around every couple of months and collect items from families that don't need or want them and then donate them. This will be my third donation in the last year or so. Along with the clothes I'm also going through some kitchen stuff from school and donating it as well. I just have so much stuff that has been boxed up forever that there's no sense leaving it in boxes when I clearly haven't had a use for it in the last year and a half since I've been back at home. I'd rather it go to someone who needs it more than I do.

Alright, I'm off to bed. I need some rest if I'm going to fight with parking services in the morning. After that, it's off to the aquarium!! :-)

Girlified

Lately I find myself spending a little bit more time in front of the mirror. My makeup is actually being used (so much so that I may have to go to Bare Minerals soon for some more foundation!) and I've dug out my collection of high heeled shoes and started wearing them, even if I can't completely walk in them yet. (Heels and I have never gotten along!)

I just picked out my outfit for church tomorrow and I'm really excited about it. haha I have a jean skirt and a cute pink shirt picked out and two pairs of heels because I can't decide if black or brown heels would go better with the outfit. :-P

Anyway, enough about clothes and makeup. I baby-sat tonight and had a rough night with the youngest. I felt bad having to tell the parents how he acted and I almost made the mom cry as I was telling her about our struggles tonight. She kept apologizing and I told her not to apologize but I know her heart broke as I told her about our night because she says it's been more frequent lately.

After the kids went to bed I put my Netflix to good use and watched four and a half episodes of the show Jonas that's on the Disney channel. I was halfway through the fifth episode of season 1 when they got home so I'm about to finish watching it before I go to bed. I blame Vince for my new love of the Jonas Brothers.

Tomorrow evening Joe and I are headed down to the river for Riverfest and the WEBN fireworks, the traditional end of summer celebration here in Cincinnati. I haven't been since the first year I lived in Cincinnati...wait, no I went last summer with Megan and Brittany but we went to CCU so we weren't actually on the river. :-P It should be fun being back on the river for it though. It's the greatest fireworks show of the summer so I'm excited for it.

I also need to make Joe a cd before we go tomorrow. The last time he was home we got into a debate about our music tastes and I told him I was going to corrupt him to the dark side of country music so he asked for a cd with my favorite songs so I need to get on making that. He in return is making me a cd of dance/workout music because I was complaining that I needed new workout stuff so I'm excited to see what he comes up with. :-)

Alright, I'm off to finish Jonas and then head to bed. Night world!

Denver!

So...I haven't done an actual update since before my final. Let's see what's been going on.

Well, first of all school. I don't think I ever posted my midterm score. I bombed it. And by bombed I mean I got a D. That was a third of my grade so you can imagine my devestation over it. After that my studying kicked into overdrive and it must have paid off because I ended up getting a B in counseling theories and a 3.3 overall for the quarter!!! I was so proud of that grade, especially because my gpa has never been that high, not even during undergrad. It was in high school but college wasn't that great so I'm proud that my first quarter in a Master's program I got a 3.3!

There's been a lot of boy drama and if you're reading this on Bloop you know about it. Otherwise, I haven't been posting it. However, a lot of it has worked itself out thanks to my wonderful friend Tym and my wonderful small group leader Seth who listened to me and gave me some much needed Godly advice. I have such a feeling of peace about everything so it'll be okay. :-)

I didn't get the job at UC I interviewed for. My current job is working me full time through at least the beginning of November but I'm still job searching. I just applied at the preschool my best friend works at so I'm hoping they'll call me for an interview.

I'm getting a decent financial aid refund back for fall quarter so I think I'm going to take a portion of it and fly out to Denver for spring break to visit my cousin Terry Lee whom I haven't seen in years. I've never been to Denver and my mom was born and raised there before moving (she was a military brat as she puts it and moved around a lot growing up) so it would be cool to see where she comes from. Terry Lee moved out there a couple years ago for work so it'll be fun to go visit.

This weekend is going to be wonderful because it's a nice three day weekend. Tomorrow night I'm going back to my high school alma mater for a football game with Joe and his parents. Then Saturday I have to baby-sit. Sunday Joe and I are going down to the river for Riverfest and the fireworks so I'm excited for that. Then I plan on sleeping in on Monday. Woo!

Alright, I'm off. Have a great weekend!