No motivation

I don't know what my deal is lately but I have no motivation for anything: no motivation for running, work, interning, nothing. This is bad because we're going into week two of the quarter and I already don't want to do school work. I'm taking the comps in five weeks and I have no motivation to study, even though I HAVE to pass this time around.

I feel like all I've wanted to do lately is sleep. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been pulling anywhere from 10-12 hour days the three days a week I've been working. I know this was what I originally wanted but it's draining me. By the end of those days, I have no energy for anything. The two days a week I intern, I go straight to class after which is also exhausting. I know this is all going to be worth it and in nine months when I hold that degree in my hand I'll be glad I did it but man, right now it's just too much. I secretly sometimes wish I could quit my job and just focus on school but we all know that's not happening anytime soon.

I've had a lot on my mind about a lot of things and I can sense that God's about to open and close some doors in my life. I can't figure out exactly which doors are about to open and close but I know it's about to happen. We've been doing a new series at Crossroads on friendship and the last couple of weeks have been convicting me in a lot of ways. I think that's why I feel so out of sorts lately. I know God is about to do something big. I just don't know what it is.

I miss running but I don't even have the motivation for that. Today was the Race for the Cure, which was supposed to be my second race of the season and that clearly did not happen. I need to get myself back on track. I've put on a good ten pounds lately and I need to get back to the gym not only to run, but to be healthy. I need to start making some better eating choices, drinking more water, and working out again. I think that's part of why I feel so out of sorts. I feel a lot better about myself after I've been to the gym and had a good workout.

Denver has been on my mind a lot today. I feel like I've fallen out of touch with Mike, who I consider one of my best friends. I can't remember the last time we had a long conversation. We talked two weeks ago but it felt awkward. I don't know. I was looking through pictures tonight and they make me miss Denver a lot. I miss my friends and the beauty of the area and the part of me I leave behind every time I come home. I'm still tossing around the idea of flying out to take the boards. It's just a matter of trying to figure out when and how to make it happen.

Honestly, I know what's holding me back and I wish I could figure out where that particular situation stands. But, I know I need to take it slow and day by day. Baby steps. After tonight at Crossroads, I know that where things are right now are exactly where they're supposed to be, but a bigger part of me wants to rush things, even though I know that's not good either.

I'm just so...overwhelmed and confused and torn right now. I just can't make sense of anything. I don't even know where I'm going writing this. I think I just needed to clear my head. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Or...I don't know. One day at a time...

Why I love my job...

I know I have a ton to update on but tonight I leave you four year old humor because my kids at work are hilarious! And just as an understanding... X is one of our four year old students and I know for a fact his dad doesn't live in Mexico because his dad is our maintenance man at work. When I told him this story, he just shook his head and laughed. It was definitely the highlight of my day!

Me pointing to Cincinnati on a map: We live right here!


X pointing to Mexico: My daddy lives here!

Me: X, your daddy does not live in Mexico. He lives here.

X: That's okay. We're going to move here! *points to South Dakota*

Me: X, you know it snows a lot in South Dakota right?

X: We like snow! Oh and you know what Miss Heather?

Me: What?

X: You can't go to Las Vegas.

Me: Why not? (We had never talked about Vegas so this came out of nowhere!)

X: Because the monster in Las Vegas will eat you!

When I told our maintenance man this story about his son, he asked me if I had pointed to Vegas on a map and I said no. Then he asked me if I was planning a trip to Vegas and I said "Well, now I'm not because there's apparently a monster that's going to eat me!"

I love my job. :-)

Interesting twist...

I can't believe it's been ten years since the attacks on our nation. I still clearly remember that day. I was a junior in high school, sitting in my third period Economics class when another student ran into the room and yelled at the teacher to turn on the television. We watched in horror as the second plane hit the second tower and then in devastation and disbelief as both towers collapsed. For the rest of the day, every class had us watching history unfold and I remember going home that night and being glued to the television.

Today, ten years later, I got to be part of an incredible and surreal moment at lunch as all of Bdubs went silent right before the Bengals game as they spread out an American flag over the entire field. When they started singing the national anthem on television, people in Bdubs started singing along, myself included. It gave me goosebumps just to be part of such an incredible experience. We'll never see a moment like that again where an entire restaurant goes silent and begins to sing the national anthem together. Wow.

In an interesting and perhaps God-driven turn of events, my long weekend in Denver in November is not going to happen. For whatever reason, as I was driving to my aunt's today, I remembered why that date was ringing a bell in my head. It's fall retreat weekend, a weekend I committed to months ago with my youth kids. I'm not backing out. It's my favorite weekend of the entire year to be a youth sponsor.

And of course, none of the other dates are panning out either. Coincidence? I don't think so. God-driven? Absolutely. Why do I think so? Because today at church I got presented with an incredible opportunity to go overseas with my youth kids to Haiti next summer on a mission trip. It had been mentioned awhile back, but Seth hadn't narrowed anything down and was unsure of where we were going to go. Now he's decided we're going to Haiti and it's just a matter of pinning down the exact dates in either June or July.

I don't have to make a decision until about March but I'm going to start praying about it now because if I'm going, I need to get a passport, start raising money, figure out what shots are needed, etc. I think it's funny that this came up today because my mom and I were just discussing last night that with all the traveling I do, that I should get a passport. Again...coincidence? I think not!

So right now I'm praying like crazy and I'm asking that you all pray with me. I don't know yet if I'm feeling completely called to go but it would be such an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity. I don't have anything tying me down and since I'll most likely still be at the preschool through at least the end of next summer, I'll be able to get those two weeks off of work with no problems.

Check out the website of Northwest Haiti Christian Mission at: http://www.nwhcm.org/ for more information on what could be an incredible experience for me. I'm so excited to see what doors God is going to open up in the next year!

To go or not to go...

Long weekend in Denver to take the boards in November. To go or not to go? The question is...was the idea of moving to Denver ever really gone in the first place or is this my flight instinct kicking in because of the past few days?

I've been sitting here crunching numbers since I've had nothing better to do because I was home from my internship today with an awful migraine this morning. I just...I don't know. We all know my connection to Denver. Now the question is: what are my reasons for wanting to do it?

I don't need to make an official decision until sometime in October when I have to register for the exam. It's a lot to think about but I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since two weeks ago when my relocation guide to Denver came that I sent for months ago while I was still in Denver.

*sigh* Sometimes, it really sucks to be an adult and have to make such big decisions.

The end

We broke up tonight. I'm a mess. All I've done is cry and yell since he dropped me off at 8:30. My heart hurts so much because I never saw this coming.

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away


And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do"

Busy, busy, busy

Since tomorrow is September, I figured I'm about due for an update. I can't believe I've let most of August get away from me before I've had a chance to update. This will probably be long(ish) so ready yourself. Who knows how long it'll be before I update again. :-P

I made bullets to myself in a word document to remind myself of what I had to update on so here goes nothing.

--Surprise date at the Spaghetti Factory
Two nights before Dan and I made things official between us, he surprised me and took me on a date, without telling me where we were going. All I knew was that he was taking me out to celebrate being done with the comps and that based on what he told Megan, she said it had proved he really listened to what I had been telling him. The evening of the comps, we went to church as usual and then he drove me in circles to confuse me before we ended up at the Spaghetti Factory, which everyone knows is my favorite restaurant. We had an amazing dinner and amazing conversation before ending the evening by playing putt-putt. I had a feeling over dinner that we were on an official "date" but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Imagine my surprise when two nights later we were officially a couple. :-)

--Double date at the Keith Urban concert
Later that week, we went on our first double date with Megan and James to the Jake Owen and Keith Urban concert. It was AMAZING! I hadn't seen Keith Urban live since high school, right before he became a big name. We went to dinner at Dewey's and then walked across the river to the concert. It was the perfect first double date and I look forward to many, many more in our future. I'll spare you all the mushy details from that night. ;-)

--Meeting the parents
The following week, I met his parents for the first time. Let me tell you, I was a mess that day! We went to dinner at Pizza Tower, which was so yummy! As soon as we got there, his mom gave me a big hug and told me how much she'd heard about me and how much she had been looking forward to meeting me. By the end of dinner, I was fully relaxed. His parents are incredible and I can definitely see where he gets his good manners from. His parents raised an amazing son. :-)

--Date night at Chili's and running into former students/parents
The night after we had dinner with his parents, we went on a date night, just the two of us. Right before our food came to the table, one of my former students and his parents came in. I bolted from the table and tackled Katie, who was holding Dominic. Of course Katie and I are friends on facebook so she had seen my relationship status change and she cracked me up when she told me "Do you know how hard it is for me to not turn around and stare right now?!" I love her. Dinner was amazing and we had so much fun just talking and laughing. I had had such a bad day that day and had worked a double (unplanned) so I was exhausted and grateful that he put up with my cranky, tired self that night.

--Failing my comps
Yeah...you read that right. I failed my comprehensive exam to graduate from the counseling program. How badly? Oh by five points. Do you know how disappointing it is to come so close and miss by so slim of a margin?? I'm retaking it at the end of October and praying like crazy I pass this time around. If I don't, I have to petition to write a thesis and UC doesn't have to grant me that right. If I fail the comps and don't get to write a thesis, I can be kicked out of the program. Talk about stress....

--Double date at Newport
A couple of weeks ago, we went on a double date with Adge and Joe to Bar Louie down at Newport. Dinner was delicious and then we went for a romantic walk on the river. Of course, being the goofs we are, we ruined our own romantic moment by cracking up at a sign about sewage waste and then taking a goofy picture next to it. However, even with the silliniess, it was probably one of my favorite dates that we've been on. I'm so glad he gets along with my best friend and there was no better way to spend a Friday night than on the river. I loved it.

--5k and roller skating
On August 20th, I ran the Panther Prowl, which most of you probably remember as my very first 5k ever last summer. Let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLE! I hadn't really trained this summer and I thought for sure I was going to end up walking most of it. Well, I did walk some of it, but Denise kept pushing me harder and harder and before I knew it, I was crossing the finish line at 46 minutes! Not only had I cut six minutes off of last year's time, but I also set a personal record because it's the BEST 5k time I've ever had. What made it even more special was that Dan also ran it, though he ran ahead of me and finished in 30 minutes. It was his first 5k and I was soooo proud of him!

After the 5k, I went home and crashed for a couple of hours before getting up to take my youth girls roller skating. I thought for sure I would be the first one to fall, but surprisingly, I didn't fall at all. I had so much skating and hanging out with the girls and then hanging out by Caitlin's pool with the girls while eating pizza.

So what's been going on since the Saturday of the 5k? Not a whole lot. I've been spending a lot of time with Dan, which is always nice. I've come to care about him a lot and he can always make me smile on a night when I just don't feel like smiling. He is just absolutely amazing in every way. We had a rough patch this past weekend but we worked through it and now we're better than ever. Oh and he met my parents this past weekend as well. It went so well and now I'm looking forward to us moving forward and being able to focus on us, without the awkwardness of that early dating stage in front of us anymore.

I threw my sister a baby shower and well, I won't go into the drama that went down that night because it's a very complicated situation. After the shower, I went down to the river with Vince, who was in town visiting. We sat on the river for two and a half hours just talking and laughing and catching up. We fell apart this summer for various reasons so it was so nice to be able to just hang out, just the two of us and catch up. I'm already looking forward to my weekend in Athens at the end of September because I already miss him like crazy.

I started my internship this week and I'm already loving it. I can already tell that junior high is going to be my favorite age group to work with in the schools. I feel like I've learned more this week than I did in the ten weeks of my practicum at the elementary school. Being there feels so right and makes me excited about my future. It just confirms that school counseling is what I want to do with my future and I hate the idea of going back to work tomorrow to a job that stresses me out so much. I just keep telling myself that I only have a year left and that hopefully next year I will be in my own office, in a real school setting, doing what I love to do.

And there you have it. I think that's it for my massive updates for now. I was home sick yesterday and I still have a cough developing so I think I'm going to call it an early night and go to bed. Until next time...

Way overdue

I am way overdue for an update. A lot of things have been going on, many the same old, same old, but there have been some exciting changes. I don't feel like typing a lot but I figure I'll at least update since it's been like two weeks since I last updated.

Summer quarter is almost over. I finished up my independent study on Monday, which ended up being 22 pages total after the appendices and then tonight I finished my Ethics paper which was four pages. The only thing left for summer quarter now is my in class, open book final on the 29th and then summer quarter is over.

My internship is supposed to start next week but I haven't heard back from my site supervisor and with my class schedule changing, I'm thinking I just may wait and start during the second week of school on the 29th. We'll see. I'm going to send off yet another email to my supervisor tomorrow and if I don't hear from her, my next step will be actually having to call the school.

I mentioned briefly in my last entry that I had met someone. Well, technically I can't say I met someone because we've actually known each other since high school. We fell out of touch in college, reconnected through facebook, and then started going to church together a few weeks ago. One thing led to another and we were hanging out and texting all the time and before either one of us knew it, we had made things official between us last Monday.

It still amazes me looking back over the last month or so how quickly everything happened but words can't even describe how happy I am right now. He is just absolutely incredible and I have been loving every minute that we spend together. I've had a couple of rough days this week and he has put up with me whining and complaining about work, a habit I'm really trying to break. I love how patient he is with me when I do have a rough day and how encouraging he is when I don't want to study or do homework.

I just...I don't even know. Words can't even begin to describe how special I think he is and how much I'm praying this out and looking forward to wherever God is going to take us. I never expected this or saw it coming. I had reached a point where I had told God I was done looking and I was done dating and that He was going to have to drop someone in my lap and well, that's pretty much how it worked out. I haven't been able to stop smiling in weeks and I love getting simple text messages that let me know he's thinking about me. My coworkers and my friends think I'm hilarious because I'm so giddy all the time and I'm constantly smiling. I love it. :-)

I'm running a 5k on Saturday, which will be the anniversary (the 5k, not the actual date) of my first 5k at this time last summer! It's so crazy to think about where I was a year ago and where I am now. I've already started looking at setting up my training schedule to run the half at the Pig again in May. I know that this 5k isn't going to be pretty because I haven't really been running this summer but it's getting me back out there and that's all that matters. After this 5k the next one in the line up is the Race for the Cure in September!

That's really all that's going on with me right now. Work, school, my youth kids, running, and the boy (not necessarily in that order!) pretty much consume my life recently. Hopefully I'll be back to update again soon but with school starting back up and my internship starting, life is about to get crazy busy. I don't want to stay away too long though!