Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I can't believe it's time for the holiday season already! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because I get to spend it with my extended family and because the day after Thanksgiving, Cincinnati does it's big tree lighting ceremony on Fountain Square, which really kicks off the holidays here. :-)
This year I am especially grateful for a God who loves me, despite my flaws and imperfections. I am also grateful for an amazing family and friends and a church family who pushes me to grow. I am very blessed and it shouldn't take a holiday for me to remember that.
I'm kicking off the holiday in our traditional fashion of watching the Macy's Parade! I don't EVER move away from the tv until Santa comes through at the end, something my mom makes fun of me for. I told her that it doesn't matter how old I get, that I'll never be too old for Santa and the Macy's Parade. After the parade we're headed to my aunt's for dinner and this year my best friend is joining us because she has to work tomorrow so she couldn't head home for the holiday this year. It'll be a nice treat to have her with us. :-)
Alright, off to watch the parade! Happy Thanksgiving all!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Exciting happenings
To say it's been a rough week emotionally would be an understatement. I have been a mess this week. I finally reached a point on Friday where I realized that most of my issue was coming from the fact that I KNOW that God is about to do something big in my life and I can feel Satan poking at me and trying to break down my level of faith. It felt like I was taking one blow after another this week until I decided last night that I wasn't going to do it anymore, that I was going to focus on the good and the promises that God has given me and not let Satan win.
Well, that lasted all of about 14 hours until I woke up this morning and got into it with my mom. My mom and I are very close and it's few and far between that we get into an argument but it came to blows today (for reasons I don't want to talk about) and I left the house for church in tears. I got to church and my sister had seen my facebook status and called me and I ended up standing outside of church for about 10 minutes just in tears. I have never been so grateful for one of my guy friends as I was for Evan this morning. He was walking into church as I was outside on the phone and when he saw me crying, he immediately came over and put his arms around me and just held me as I cried.
After church I went to lunch with my group of guy friends who managed to distract me by making me laugh and just being ridiculous, which was just what I needed. Evan and I are going to hang out later tonight since I'm off from my internship tomorrow and he's going to let me vent, something I seriously need to do. He's been praying for me since Thursday when I text him in meltdown mode and he's been worried about me ever since.
I hate these moments. I hate the moments when I know God is about to do something big and Satan attacks. It's when I become most vulnerable and I want to give in and let my feelings and emotions take over and win, something I know I can't do. If Satan is already attacking this early into the decisions I've made, then I can just sense what's going to happen the closer to summer we get. Argh!
So...the exciting happenings, since clearly none of my emotional meltdown is exciting. haha As I've mentioned several times in the past, I was praying about going to Haiti. I went to an informational meeting last week after service and really felt like God was calling me to go, even though at that point I was still fighting it. I've been fighting this call since Seth first announced he wanted to take the youth to Haiti this summer and asked us adults to also pray about going. I kept telling God "No way! There is NO WAY I'm going overseas, to another country, out of my comfort zone. Besides, I'm so picky, what am I going to eat in Haiti for 10 days?!" Oh yes...this was the argument I had with God. I was more worried about food then going and doing God's work. :-P
Well, this week, I've spent a lot of time praying about it and researching vaccines, passports, etc. and finally made the decision that I was going to listen to God's call and go. The final decision honestly came down to the timing of the vaccines. For the hepatitis series, you have to have six months between the first and last shots, something I was unsure I could do because I won't be able to afford any of these until January. Well, guess what? It just so happens that if I go the first or second week of January and get the first round of the shots, I'll be good to go to have them all in before the end of July when we would leave for Haiti.
Then, I went to Crossroads last night (that's a long story in itself....I haven't been there in about six weeks and only went because I was hanging out with Adge and Dan) and they did a sermon on serving and having a servant's heart. They showed these videos of people who have been called to just give of themselves because they have so much already and I teared up. I could feel God telling me, "Heather, you already have so much. Why won't you put my people over your selfish insecurities?" Wow. Then, today, I was in service at my own church and we had missionaries from Paraguay visiting who spoke on the mission work they're doing and the woman said something that just stuck with me. She told us that even in the midst of our weakness and uncertainty, God uses us. She said that we shouldn't let our fears and weaknesses hold us back because God is going to use those for good.
Between those two messages and then the incredible worship at both churches filled with songs like "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath and "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin, I knew God was confirming that He wants me in Haiti for 10 days this summer. Yes, I am still terrified and yes I am still uncertain, but I know God is going to use those feelings for good and I'm trusting that He's leading me right where He wants me.
Then, on top of that, Megan and I are planning a girl's overnight in early February sometime. We have some concerns over where our girls' hearts are and so we're doing a night revolved around the idea of purity and our identity as girls in Christ. Megan's working on the main message and I'm creating a devotional that's going to be wrapped around music, an idea I came up with after driving to work on Friday morning and listening to the song "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz on repeat. I love to write and I could feel God calling me to use several songs and creating devotionals to go along with them that the girls could take home after our all nighter, that they could pray through and study from. I'm also going to give them cds with the songs on them so they can listen to them when they need reminders of God's promises.
God is doing so much good in my life right now and using me to reach out to others that I hate that I've been going through so much emotional turmoil this week. I know that this is because I'm letting myself become vulnerable and open to the idea of surrendering myself and doing God's work. He has me right where He wants me and Satan is trying to bring me down. I refuse to let it happen. I'm thankful for the friends that have been there, reminding me of God's promises and allowing me to cry and express myself and reminding me that I'm going to be okay.
Even in the midst of some of the pain this week, I feel joyful because I have finally allowed God to take over and take me where He wants me. I never would have expected that I'd be going to Haiti this summer or writing a devotional for teen girls but that's exactly what God has me doing. I'm so excited for once to actually branch out of my comfort zone and get out of my bubble. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is God's plan and not mine and to NOT run from it when things start to get tough. I'm ready. Bring on the next eight months!
Well, that lasted all of about 14 hours until I woke up this morning and got into it with my mom. My mom and I are very close and it's few and far between that we get into an argument but it came to blows today (for reasons I don't want to talk about) and I left the house for church in tears. I got to church and my sister had seen my facebook status and called me and I ended up standing outside of church for about 10 minutes just in tears. I have never been so grateful for one of my guy friends as I was for Evan this morning. He was walking into church as I was outside on the phone and when he saw me crying, he immediately came over and put his arms around me and just held me as I cried.
After church I went to lunch with my group of guy friends who managed to distract me by making me laugh and just being ridiculous, which was just what I needed. Evan and I are going to hang out later tonight since I'm off from my internship tomorrow and he's going to let me vent, something I seriously need to do. He's been praying for me since Thursday when I text him in meltdown mode and he's been worried about me ever since.
I hate these moments. I hate the moments when I know God is about to do something big and Satan attacks. It's when I become most vulnerable and I want to give in and let my feelings and emotions take over and win, something I know I can't do. If Satan is already attacking this early into the decisions I've made, then I can just sense what's going to happen the closer to summer we get. Argh!
So...the exciting happenings, since clearly none of my emotional meltdown is exciting. haha As I've mentioned several times in the past, I was praying about going to Haiti. I went to an informational meeting last week after service and really felt like God was calling me to go, even though at that point I was still fighting it. I've been fighting this call since Seth first announced he wanted to take the youth to Haiti this summer and asked us adults to also pray about going. I kept telling God "No way! There is NO WAY I'm going overseas, to another country, out of my comfort zone. Besides, I'm so picky, what am I going to eat in Haiti for 10 days?!" Oh yes...this was the argument I had with God. I was more worried about food then going and doing God's work. :-P
Well, this week, I've spent a lot of time praying about it and researching vaccines, passports, etc. and finally made the decision that I was going to listen to God's call and go. The final decision honestly came down to the timing of the vaccines. For the hepatitis series, you have to have six months between the first and last shots, something I was unsure I could do because I won't be able to afford any of these until January. Well, guess what? It just so happens that if I go the first or second week of January and get the first round of the shots, I'll be good to go to have them all in before the end of July when we would leave for Haiti.
Then, I went to Crossroads last night (that's a long story in itself....I haven't been there in about six weeks and only went because I was hanging out with Adge and Dan) and they did a sermon on serving and having a servant's heart. They showed these videos of people who have been called to just give of themselves because they have so much already and I teared up. I could feel God telling me, "Heather, you already have so much. Why won't you put my people over your selfish insecurities?" Wow. Then, today, I was in service at my own church and we had missionaries from Paraguay visiting who spoke on the mission work they're doing and the woman said something that just stuck with me. She told us that even in the midst of our weakness and uncertainty, God uses us. She said that we shouldn't let our fears and weaknesses hold us back because God is going to use those for good.
Between those two messages and then the incredible worship at both churches filled with songs like "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath and "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin, I knew God was confirming that He wants me in Haiti for 10 days this summer. Yes, I am still terrified and yes I am still uncertain, but I know God is going to use those feelings for good and I'm trusting that He's leading me right where He wants me.
Then, on top of that, Megan and I are planning a girl's overnight in early February sometime. We have some concerns over where our girls' hearts are and so we're doing a night revolved around the idea of purity and our identity as girls in Christ. Megan's working on the main message and I'm creating a devotional that's going to be wrapped around music, an idea I came up with after driving to work on Friday morning and listening to the song "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz on repeat. I love to write and I could feel God calling me to use several songs and creating devotionals to go along with them that the girls could take home after our all nighter, that they could pray through and study from. I'm also going to give them cds with the songs on them so they can listen to them when they need reminders of God's promises.
God is doing so much good in my life right now and using me to reach out to others that I hate that I've been going through so much emotional turmoil this week. I know that this is because I'm letting myself become vulnerable and open to the idea of surrendering myself and doing God's work. He has me right where He wants me and Satan is trying to bring me down. I refuse to let it happen. I'm thankful for the friends that have been there, reminding me of God's promises and allowing me to cry and express myself and reminding me that I'm going to be okay.
Even in the midst of some of the pain this week, I feel joyful because I have finally allowed God to take over and take me where He wants me. I never would have expected that I'd be going to Haiti this summer or writing a devotional for teen girls but that's exactly what God has me doing. I'm so excited for once to actually branch out of my comfort zone and get out of my bubble. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is God's plan and not mine and to NOT run from it when things start to get tough. I'm ready. Bring on the next eight months!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Happily content
If you had asked me a couple of months ago if I would be in this spot right now, content even though so much of my future is uncertain, I probably would have laughed at you. But that's exactly where I am. So much of the future is uncertain, especially with the job market being the way that it is, but I am trusting that God has a plan and knows exactly what He is doing.
I guess I should start with an update about my sister. She finally had her baby at exactly 11:00 p.m. on the dot on Friday night, October 21st. Daniel weighed in at five pounds, fifteen ounces, and twenty inches long. She ended up having to have a c-section after 26 very long and hard hours of labor. She stalled out at 4 cm dilated and about 80 percent effaced and just didn't go anywhere for hours. It took a shift change at seven on Friday night for the next OB on call to tell my sister that she was giving her two more hours to fully dilate and then she was doing a c-section, which is what ended up happening. It turns out Daniel's head was crooked which is why my sister stalled out at 4 cm. Daniel just couldn't drop any further with his head being crooked. That also explains the low blood flow to the umbillical cord.
Thankfully, both mommy and baby are doing well and got to go home on Monday. Now my sister is trying to adjust to being a mommy to four (three of her own and a stepdaughter) and trying to recover from her c-section. Daniel is doing well and is completely adorable. I'll share pictures soon or you can go over to my facebook to see them. If we're not friends on facebook, let me know and we can change that!
So what's going on with me since it's been awhile since I've done a real update? Well, I'm busy with school and work and interning. My internship in the school counseling office at the junior high is going SO well. My advisor is coming in this Wednesday to talk to my site supervisor and to observe me, something I'm both excited and nervous for. I think things are going well and I've been picking up more responsibility but I still feel like at times that I sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for Nicole to give me something to do. I know it's hard on her too, though, because we share an office and I don't have a computer or a phone so it makes it hard for her to give me stuff to do when mornings are usually spent for her returning emails and phone calls.
Overall, though, my internship is going well. I've been meeting one on one a lot lately with students and getting to interact with teachers and parents. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not doing conflict resolution and dealing with meltdowns from the students. Nicole and I laugh together a lot, something that I'm learning in this job is necessary because it gets some of our stress and frustration out. Plus, you can't just NOT laugh at some of the things the kids tell you or the principals. I leave the junior high on the days I'm there feeling so fulfilled and I know this is exactly what I'm meant to do.
My relationships, both friends and romantic interests, have been bumpy lately. Many of us are under stress and dealing with life changes and it's becoming hard to keep ourselves in orbit with each other. I had a meltdown on Seth (our youth leader) the other night and he gave me some very valuable advice. Now, how to act on it is another story. I think starting with lunch tomorrow is the right step. I'm praying that God will give me the right words to say and to allow my heart to be open and vulnerable.
My dating life has cooled significantly. And by significantly I mean it is non-existent right now, which I'm surprisingly okay with. I think with so much going on in my life right now that I think dating would be difficult because I just don't have the time to commit to it. I do miss him, but I think honestly I just miss our friendship, which also feels as if it has cooled down a lot lately. I know God has a plan though and I am trusting that it is greater than what I can see.
I have been spending a lot more time with my guy friends again, something I missed while I was in a relationship. They jokingly asked me one Sunday at lunch if I had joined the land of the living again. haha I know there are people who think when you're in a relationship that friendships of the opposite sex have to cool but after a lot of thought I don't agree with that at all. I tend to be friends with guys over girls and my guy friends bring so much joy and laughter to my life. For whatever reason, it's easier to be myself with them and to not have to worry what their intentions are. I don't know. I wish I could explain it but I can't. I decided that whoever I end up with in the future is going to have to be okay with these friendships because they're not going anywhere anytime soon.
I'm trying to figure out my financial life, which is something big in my life lately. Denise, my running partner, bought me this book called The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke by Suze Orman for my birthday to read, along with The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey that I bought a couple of months back. I would love to try and pay off a lot of my credit card debt before I graduate in June but it seems like everytime I have some kind of stable hold to put more money towards my cards, something else comes up, like my work bouncing my paycheck...again. This time, it wasn't their fault, but it still has made me behind this month.
My goal is to get myself on a budget and to start following it. That means telling people no, not eating out as often as I have been this quarter, and no impulse spending! My major goal other than paying off my credit cards is to start tithing at church again. I haven't tithed in months, something that makes me sad. I feel like if I can learn to start being faithful and trusting when I give that money, then things will eventually balance out. But since I have such a hard time trusting, it makes it hard for me to want to tithe. How do all of you do it? I know some of you also follow a budget and sometimes pinch corners a lot. How do you make tithing your priority when you have living expenses you need to pay for?
The only other big news in my life is that I'm still praying about going to Haiti. We have an informational meeting tomorrow after service that I'm going to go to. I still can't decide if I'm feeling called or not, nor do I know if I can afford the vaccinations because my student health insurance doesn't cover them. I need to make a decision, and soon, because I'm going to have to start the vaccination process, the passport process, and writing support letters.
Oh...and I'm going to the Bahamas for spring break! Adge and I decided since it's my last spring break as a student and she's never been on a spring break that we're throwing caution to the wind and going on a cruise. I know this goes against my whole money plan but we're on a payment plan for the trip and it's actually not too expensive. We've put a deposit down and booked our flights so now we're working on paying off the trip. In fact, I may run out to AAA this week to make a payment towards it. I don't know why I didn't think about that before. I was just going to pay the rest of it in January but I should go in every two weeks when I get paid and make a payment. Hmm...
Anyway, I think that about does it. I need to go take a shower and do some homework. I slept until 1:30 today, something my body needed because I was still recovering from spending all last week at the hospital with my mom for her surgery and my sister for her labor and delivery. Now I need to play catch up on school work. :-P
Hope you all are doing well! I've missed all of you! I've been reading but not commenting so if you see me creeping, that's why. I plan to try and get back here more often. :-)
I guess I should start with an update about my sister. She finally had her baby at exactly 11:00 p.m. on the dot on Friday night, October 21st. Daniel weighed in at five pounds, fifteen ounces, and twenty inches long. She ended up having to have a c-section after 26 very long and hard hours of labor. She stalled out at 4 cm dilated and about 80 percent effaced and just didn't go anywhere for hours. It took a shift change at seven on Friday night for the next OB on call to tell my sister that she was giving her two more hours to fully dilate and then she was doing a c-section, which is what ended up happening. It turns out Daniel's head was crooked which is why my sister stalled out at 4 cm. Daniel just couldn't drop any further with his head being crooked. That also explains the low blood flow to the umbillical cord.
Thankfully, both mommy and baby are doing well and got to go home on Monday. Now my sister is trying to adjust to being a mommy to four (three of her own and a stepdaughter) and trying to recover from her c-section. Daniel is doing well and is completely adorable. I'll share pictures soon or you can go over to my facebook to see them. If we're not friends on facebook, let me know and we can change that!
So what's going on with me since it's been awhile since I've done a real update? Well, I'm busy with school and work and interning. My internship in the school counseling office at the junior high is going SO well. My advisor is coming in this Wednesday to talk to my site supervisor and to observe me, something I'm both excited and nervous for. I think things are going well and I've been picking up more responsibility but I still feel like at times that I sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for Nicole to give me something to do. I know it's hard on her too, though, because we share an office and I don't have a computer or a phone so it makes it hard for her to give me stuff to do when mornings are usually spent for her returning emails and phone calls.
Overall, though, my internship is going well. I've been meeting one on one a lot lately with students and getting to interact with teachers and parents. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not doing conflict resolution and dealing with meltdowns from the students. Nicole and I laugh together a lot, something that I'm learning in this job is necessary because it gets some of our stress and frustration out. Plus, you can't just NOT laugh at some of the things the kids tell you or the principals. I leave the junior high on the days I'm there feeling so fulfilled and I know this is exactly what I'm meant to do.
My relationships, both friends and romantic interests, have been bumpy lately. Many of us are under stress and dealing with life changes and it's becoming hard to keep ourselves in orbit with each other. I had a meltdown on Seth (our youth leader) the other night and he gave me some very valuable advice. Now, how to act on it is another story. I think starting with lunch tomorrow is the right step. I'm praying that God will give me the right words to say and to allow my heart to be open and vulnerable.
My dating life has cooled significantly. And by significantly I mean it is non-existent right now, which I'm surprisingly okay with. I think with so much going on in my life right now that I think dating would be difficult because I just don't have the time to commit to it. I do miss him, but I think honestly I just miss our friendship, which also feels as if it has cooled down a lot lately. I know God has a plan though and I am trusting that it is greater than what I can see.
I have been spending a lot more time with my guy friends again, something I missed while I was in a relationship. They jokingly asked me one Sunday at lunch if I had joined the land of the living again. haha I know there are people who think when you're in a relationship that friendships of the opposite sex have to cool but after a lot of thought I don't agree with that at all. I tend to be friends with guys over girls and my guy friends bring so much joy and laughter to my life. For whatever reason, it's easier to be myself with them and to not have to worry what their intentions are. I don't know. I wish I could explain it but I can't. I decided that whoever I end up with in the future is going to have to be okay with these friendships because they're not going anywhere anytime soon.
I'm trying to figure out my financial life, which is something big in my life lately. Denise, my running partner, bought me this book called The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke by Suze Orman for my birthday to read, along with The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey that I bought a couple of months back. I would love to try and pay off a lot of my credit card debt before I graduate in June but it seems like everytime I have some kind of stable hold to put more money towards my cards, something else comes up, like my work bouncing my paycheck...again. This time, it wasn't their fault, but it still has made me behind this month.
My goal is to get myself on a budget and to start following it. That means telling people no, not eating out as often as I have been this quarter, and no impulse spending! My major goal other than paying off my credit cards is to start tithing at church again. I haven't tithed in months, something that makes me sad. I feel like if I can learn to start being faithful and trusting when I give that money, then things will eventually balance out. But since I have such a hard time trusting, it makes it hard for me to want to tithe. How do all of you do it? I know some of you also follow a budget and sometimes pinch corners a lot. How do you make tithing your priority when you have living expenses you need to pay for?
The only other big news in my life is that I'm still praying about going to Haiti. We have an informational meeting tomorrow after service that I'm going to go to. I still can't decide if I'm feeling called or not, nor do I know if I can afford the vaccinations because my student health insurance doesn't cover them. I need to make a decision, and soon, because I'm going to have to start the vaccination process, the passport process, and writing support letters.
Oh...and I'm going to the Bahamas for spring break! Adge and I decided since it's my last spring break as a student and she's never been on a spring break that we're throwing caution to the wind and going on a cruise. I know this goes against my whole money plan but we're on a payment plan for the trip and it's actually not too expensive. We've put a deposit down and booked our flights so now we're working on paying off the trip. In fact, I may run out to AAA this week to make a payment towards it. I don't know why I didn't think about that before. I was just going to pay the rest of it in January but I should go in every two weeks when I get paid and make a payment. Hmm...
Anyway, I think that about does it. I need to go take a shower and do some homework. I slept until 1:30 today, something my body needed because I was still recovering from spending all last week at the hospital with my mom for her surgery and my sister for her labor and delivery. Now I need to play catch up on school work. :-P
Hope you all are doing well! I've missed all of you! I've been reading but not commenting so if you see me creeping, that's why. I plan to try and get back here more often. :-)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Almost baby time!
So much has happened since my last update. It's currently 2:46 a.m. and I'm sitting in a labor and delivery room with my sister and my mom. My sister is being induced because the baby was measuring small and after an ultrasound today (yesterday??), the doctors saw that there was low amniotic fluid and low blood flow to the umbillical cord.
They decided to be safe to induce her so we've been here at the hospital since 8. They started her on cervadil around 10ish to start getting her cervix to soften because she wasn't dilated at all. At last check she's till only a quarter of a centimeter dilated. I've been up for about 21 hours now, so I think it's safe to say I'm not going to work in five hours. In fact, I don't intend to leave this hospital until we have a baby!
Doctors are hoping to not have to give her petocin until about 10 a.m. but right now we don't think she's dilating at all. She's having moderate to intense contractions, mainly in her back, but not enough to do anything right now. We're trying to convince her to take some pain meds to relax so she can sleep but she refuses until the epidural later on down the line. She also tested positive for Group B Strep so the doctor's are giving her penicillin via IV so it's not transmitted to the baby during delivery.
That's it on the baby front. We're all kind of hanging in there. I told my sister of course she couldn't go into labor a day early so the baby and I could share the same birthday. :-P However, we're kind of concerned because she's three weeks early so none of us were really expecting this. Hopefully everything goes smooth when it comes time to deliver.
I feel the worst for my mom who just had surgery two days ago. She had a hysterectomy done but had it done vaginally so she's not really sore, just uncomfortable. She's slow going because she's uncomfortable but she refuses to leave because she wants to be here with my sister. I refuse to leave even though I'm exhausted because I missed this with Logan and Savannah so I refuse to miss it with Daniel. I'm trying to be as comfortable as possible. I'm sitting in a rocking chair with my feet propped on a stool. So far-no sleep. :-P
Okay, we just turned the lights out in the room so I think we're all going to try and get some rest. Send some positive baby vibes our way, along with prayers. I know my sister would really appreciate them.
They decided to be safe to induce her so we've been here at the hospital since 8. They started her on cervadil around 10ish to start getting her cervix to soften because she wasn't dilated at all. At last check she's till only a quarter of a centimeter dilated. I've been up for about 21 hours now, so I think it's safe to say I'm not going to work in five hours. In fact, I don't intend to leave this hospital until we have a baby!
Doctors are hoping to not have to give her petocin until about 10 a.m. but right now we don't think she's dilating at all. She's having moderate to intense contractions, mainly in her back, but not enough to do anything right now. We're trying to convince her to take some pain meds to relax so she can sleep but she refuses until the epidural later on down the line. She also tested positive for Group B Strep so the doctor's are giving her penicillin via IV so it's not transmitted to the baby during delivery.
That's it on the baby front. We're all kind of hanging in there. I told my sister of course she couldn't go into labor a day early so the baby and I could share the same birthday. :-P However, we're kind of concerned because she's three weeks early so none of us were really expecting this. Hopefully everything goes smooth when it comes time to deliver.
I feel the worst for my mom who just had surgery two days ago. She had a hysterectomy done but had it done vaginally so she's not really sore, just uncomfortable. She's slow going because she's uncomfortable but she refuses to leave because she wants to be here with my sister. I refuse to leave even though I'm exhausted because I missed this with Logan and Savannah so I refuse to miss it with Daniel. I'm trying to be as comfortable as possible. I'm sitting in a rocking chair with my feet propped on a stool. So far-no sleep. :-P
Okay, we just turned the lights out in the room so I think we're all going to try and get some rest. Send some positive baby vibes our way, along with prayers. I know my sister would really appreciate them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Time for a change
I still have soooo much to update on and I'm hoping this weekend will give me the chance to do so. For now, I'm writing an entry pretty much for myself and hopefully a little accountability.
Since summer, pretty much since I went to Denver and ate out like every night I was there for two weeks, my good eating and working out habits have gone down the drain. As soon as I got home from Denver, classes started and it was go go go from the beginning of July until now. I'd noticed that my pants were getting snug but attributed it to being bloated at one point. Well...it's not. I got on the scale Monday night at the gym and I've put on 15 pounds since the end of June. This is ridiculous.
I worked so hard to get myself to the point that I was at earlier this summer that I'm disgusted that I let myself put 15 pounds back on. I think the bad eating and lack of exercise has also been leading to my exhaustion, migraines, and overall gross feelings. I feel like I'm losing my sanity too because the gym is my happy place and I've been so tired lately I just can't make myself go.
Well, I'm turning a new leaf this week. I went to the gym Monday night and pushed myself harder than I've pushed myself since earlier in the summer and I felt amazing when I was done. I went grocery shopping last night and bought stuff to make lunches for work, to cook dinner at home, and some healthier snack choices for the evenings. I'm also trying to curb my pop/caffeine addiction and have only lately been allowing myself one in the mornings on my way to work/internship and on an extremely rough day, one halfway through the day. I had half a glass at dinner tonight but only because I could feel my head starting to hurt and wanted to curb it so I didn't have to drive home with a migraine and headlights irritating me.
My time at the gym is my happy time. It's the one time of the day I can let go of everything and just relax and destress. I was working out on Monday and Wednesday evenings at 9 with my running partner but lately, I've just been so exhausted from interning and then going to class that waiting until 9 to workout is causing me to lose motivation. I told my mom that for now, I'm going to have to let go of that scheduled time and just go on my way home around 7ish so I can be in bed by 10. I can't function anymore on six or less hours of sleep.
I know Denise will understand because she's done the grad school route but I'm going to miss her. She's been my reason for working out for two years now and it's such good motivation to know she's waiting for me. I know she can't do earlier times because she's married with kids but for now, this is what I need to do for me. I need to be able to workout and late nights just aren't cutting it for me right now.
Okay...speaking of late nights...I need sleep. I'm not even sure how much of this made sense. My mind is in a million places right now. Or...just one...Denver. More to come on that later. Suffice it to say, every time I'm in the car, I keep thinking of that drive west and how much my heart wants to be in Denver. It doesn't help that Mike has taught me the beauty of Skype and so now our Sunday night date nights are most likely going to be Skype dates. It was so nice to be able to see each other while we talked Sunday. It made the distance seem not so far away.
*sigh* I really, really miss Denver. And I really, really need sleep.
Since summer, pretty much since I went to Denver and ate out like every night I was there for two weeks, my good eating and working out habits have gone down the drain. As soon as I got home from Denver, classes started and it was go go go from the beginning of July until now. I'd noticed that my pants were getting snug but attributed it to being bloated at one point. Well...it's not. I got on the scale Monday night at the gym and I've put on 15 pounds since the end of June. This is ridiculous.
I worked so hard to get myself to the point that I was at earlier this summer that I'm disgusted that I let myself put 15 pounds back on. I think the bad eating and lack of exercise has also been leading to my exhaustion, migraines, and overall gross feelings. I feel like I'm losing my sanity too because the gym is my happy place and I've been so tired lately I just can't make myself go.
Well, I'm turning a new leaf this week. I went to the gym Monday night and pushed myself harder than I've pushed myself since earlier in the summer and I felt amazing when I was done. I went grocery shopping last night and bought stuff to make lunches for work, to cook dinner at home, and some healthier snack choices for the evenings. I'm also trying to curb my pop/caffeine addiction and have only lately been allowing myself one in the mornings on my way to work/internship and on an extremely rough day, one halfway through the day. I had half a glass at dinner tonight but only because I could feel my head starting to hurt and wanted to curb it so I didn't have to drive home with a migraine and headlights irritating me.
My time at the gym is my happy time. It's the one time of the day I can let go of everything and just relax and destress. I was working out on Monday and Wednesday evenings at 9 with my running partner but lately, I've just been so exhausted from interning and then going to class that waiting until 9 to workout is causing me to lose motivation. I told my mom that for now, I'm going to have to let go of that scheduled time and just go on my way home around 7ish so I can be in bed by 10. I can't function anymore on six or less hours of sleep.
I know Denise will understand because she's done the grad school route but I'm going to miss her. She's been my reason for working out for two years now and it's such good motivation to know she's waiting for me. I know she can't do earlier times because she's married with kids but for now, this is what I need to do for me. I need to be able to workout and late nights just aren't cutting it for me right now.
Okay...speaking of late nights...I need sleep. I'm not even sure how much of this made sense. My mind is in a million places right now. Or...just one...Denver. More to come on that later. Suffice it to say, every time I'm in the car, I keep thinking of that drive west and how much my heart wants to be in Denver. It doesn't help that Mike has taught me the beauty of Skype and so now our Sunday night date nights are most likely going to be Skype dates. It was so nice to be able to see each other while we talked Sunday. It made the distance seem not so far away.
*sigh* I really, really miss Denver. And I really, really need sleep.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Too much
I swear I'm alive. I have a huge outline in a word document of all the things I want/need to update about but right now, my life is consumed by school, work, and interning. I'm scaling back in other areas (including my church involvement) until this quarter is over because I just have too much on my plate right now.
Right now, I'm staring at my internship learning plan that I feel like should be a piece of cake but instead is making me draw a blank.
Ahhhhhh....eight more weeks to go until the quarter is over. Oh...and I decided against retaking my big comprehensive exam this month. I just haven't had time to study and if I were to take it in a couple of weeks, I'd fail again. Instead, I'm going to take it in February because I'll have all of winter break to study and a little less responsibility class wise in the winter so I'll be able to devote my attention to studying.
Ok, the kiddos I'm baby-sitting are asleep so I really should get back to this assignment. How many more months until graduation? :-/
Right now, I'm staring at my internship learning plan that I feel like should be a piece of cake but instead is making me draw a blank.
Ahhhhhh....eight more weeks to go until the quarter is over. Oh...and I decided against retaking my big comprehensive exam this month. I just haven't had time to study and if I were to take it in a couple of weeks, I'd fail again. Instead, I'm going to take it in February because I'll have all of winter break to study and a little less responsibility class wise in the winter so I'll be able to devote my attention to studying.
Ok, the kiddos I'm baby-sitting are asleep so I really should get back to this assignment. How many more months until graduation? :-/
Sunday, September 25, 2011
No motivation
I don't know what my deal is lately but I have no motivation for anything: no motivation for running, work, interning, nothing. This is bad because we're going into week two of the quarter and I already don't want to do school work. I'm taking the comps in five weeks and I have no motivation to study, even though I HAVE to pass this time around.
I feel like all I've wanted to do lately is sleep. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been pulling anywhere from 10-12 hour days the three days a week I've been working. I know this was what I originally wanted but it's draining me. By the end of those days, I have no energy for anything. The two days a week I intern, I go straight to class after which is also exhausting. I know this is all going to be worth it and in nine months when I hold that degree in my hand I'll be glad I did it but man, right now it's just too much. I secretly sometimes wish I could quit my job and just focus on school but we all know that's not happening anytime soon.
I've had a lot on my mind about a lot of things and I can sense that God's about to open and close some doors in my life. I can't figure out exactly which doors are about to open and close but I know it's about to happen. We've been doing a new series at Crossroads on friendship and the last couple of weeks have been convicting me in a lot of ways. I think that's why I feel so out of sorts lately. I know God is about to do something big. I just don't know what it is.
I miss running but I don't even have the motivation for that. Today was the Race for the Cure, which was supposed to be my second race of the season and that clearly did not happen. I need to get myself back on track. I've put on a good ten pounds lately and I need to get back to the gym not only to run, but to be healthy. I need to start making some better eating choices, drinking more water, and working out again. I think that's part of why I feel so out of sorts. I feel a lot better about myself after I've been to the gym and had a good workout.
Denver has been on my mind a lot today. I feel like I've fallen out of touch with Mike, who I consider one of my best friends. I can't remember the last time we had a long conversation. We talked two weeks ago but it felt awkward. I don't know. I was looking through pictures tonight and they make me miss Denver a lot. I miss my friends and the beauty of the area and the part of me I leave behind every time I come home. I'm still tossing around the idea of flying out to take the boards. It's just a matter of trying to figure out when and how to make it happen.
Honestly, I know what's holding me back and I wish I could figure out where that particular situation stands. But, I know I need to take it slow and day by day. Baby steps. After tonight at Crossroads, I know that where things are right now are exactly where they're supposed to be, but a bigger part of me wants to rush things, even though I know that's not good either.
I'm just so...overwhelmed and confused and torn right now. I just can't make sense of anything. I don't even know where I'm going writing this. I think I just needed to clear my head. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Or...I don't know. One day at a time...
I feel like all I've wanted to do lately is sleep. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've been pulling anywhere from 10-12 hour days the three days a week I've been working. I know this was what I originally wanted but it's draining me. By the end of those days, I have no energy for anything. The two days a week I intern, I go straight to class after which is also exhausting. I know this is all going to be worth it and in nine months when I hold that degree in my hand I'll be glad I did it but man, right now it's just too much. I secretly sometimes wish I could quit my job and just focus on school but we all know that's not happening anytime soon.
I've had a lot on my mind about a lot of things and I can sense that God's about to open and close some doors in my life. I can't figure out exactly which doors are about to open and close but I know it's about to happen. We've been doing a new series at Crossroads on friendship and the last couple of weeks have been convicting me in a lot of ways. I think that's why I feel so out of sorts lately. I know God is about to do something big. I just don't know what it is.
I miss running but I don't even have the motivation for that. Today was the Race for the Cure, which was supposed to be my second race of the season and that clearly did not happen. I need to get myself back on track. I've put on a good ten pounds lately and I need to get back to the gym not only to run, but to be healthy. I need to start making some better eating choices, drinking more water, and working out again. I think that's part of why I feel so out of sorts. I feel a lot better about myself after I've been to the gym and had a good workout.
Denver has been on my mind a lot today. I feel like I've fallen out of touch with Mike, who I consider one of my best friends. I can't remember the last time we had a long conversation. We talked two weeks ago but it felt awkward. I don't know. I was looking through pictures tonight and they make me miss Denver a lot. I miss my friends and the beauty of the area and the part of me I leave behind every time I come home. I'm still tossing around the idea of flying out to take the boards. It's just a matter of trying to figure out when and how to make it happen.
Honestly, I know what's holding me back and I wish I could figure out where that particular situation stands. But, I know I need to take it slow and day by day. Baby steps. After tonight at Crossroads, I know that where things are right now are exactly where they're supposed to be, but a bigger part of me wants to rush things, even though I know that's not good either.
I'm just so...overwhelmed and confused and torn right now. I just can't make sense of anything. I don't even know where I'm going writing this. I think I just needed to clear my head. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Or...I don't know. One day at a time...
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