It's funny that I was thinking of creating this post tonight because we discussed contentment with our youth kids tonight and it was just what I needed to hear with this blog post floating through my head.
As a 28 year old single female, I'd like to think I have my life figured out by now. Funny enough, I don't. Not even close. There are some days where I wake up and all I want to do is pull the blankets back up over my head instead of facing the obstacles I know God has planned for me for the day. Does that ever happen? Well, sometimes on a Saturday it does. I'll admit I slept until almost 3 yesterday afternoon simply because I could. And I needed it fighting off a cold.
When I look at where my life is at this present moment, it's definitely not where I planned it to be. Am I content with where I am? Well, the jury is still out on that one. Some days the answer is yes. Other days the answer is no. It all comes down to whatever has gone on that day and the mood I may be in. I am slowly learning what contentment looks like and trusting that the plans God has for my life are far better than any plan I ever had.
Back in high school, I had my life all planned out. I was going to go to college, graduate, start my career, get married, and start a family...all before I was 30. Well, I'm about a year and a half out from being 30 and so far the only things checked off of that list are going to college and graduating. I'm in a job that doesn't necessarily require a degree, I'm single, and I definitely don't have a family of my own. I'm the proud aunt of four amazing kids and another on the way, but I don't have kids of my own just yet.
Sometimes, I look at my life and wonder what I'm missing. I love my job, even if it's not my dream job. I love being a youth sponsor and a mentor. I love my small group. I love my family and friends. Every day is full of something different and most nights I go to bed exhausted. However, I wonder how often I use my busy schedule to keep myself from letting the loneliness inside of me come to the surface. About six months ago, I was having a conversation with an older lady from my church who asked me if I could sense my biological clock ticking since I'm so close to 30, unmarried, with no kids. This was said in response to talk about wedding talk with some other women from my church. I jokingly blew her comment off but inside I was seething. "How dare she say something like that to me?! She has no right to make that kind of judgment towards me!" I was livid. Then, the more I thought about it, the more it crushed me. I started to see all the couples around me planning weddings and babies and started yelling at God, asking when it was finally going to be my turn. It didn't matter that I didn't feel ready to be married yet. Clearly I was missing something because that's all people kept telling me.
Fast forward to the past several weeks. I've had conversations with friends who have asked me if I feel like I'm missing out on something because my sister is younger than me, has kids, and is buying a house. I look at them and tell them I'm perfectly content that she is the one with the children because I can spoil them rotten and I love being an aunt. Quite honestly, the one thing she has that I want the most is that she's out on her own. It takes a lot for me to admit that I'm 28 and I still live at home, especially because SO many of my high school and college friends are all living on their own. I can't afford to move out on my salary, especially with having to pay back student loans. I recently had dinner with a college friend I haven't seen in a couple of years and she asked me where I was living and when I told her at home, she asked me "How is that?" I had to think about it for a minute and honestly, it's not bad. I'm usually so busy that I'm home long enough to eat, sleep, and change my clothes. However, there's this stigma attached to being the age that I am and still being at home. It's almost shameful to admit that at 28, you still live with mommy and daddy, as if you've failed and can't make it on your own.
Then there's the issue of love. I have a separate blog planned for my thoughts on love, marriage, and relationships versus friendships (especially tied in with my favorite movie) so for this post I'll suffice it to say that being single at 28 was not part of my plan. At 28, I was hopeful that I would be married and pregnant with my first (maybe second) child. Clearly that is NOT what God has in the works for me, at least not yet. I have a medical condition that makes me unsure if I can even have children, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't yearn for a family of my own. I've gotten to a point lately where I tell people that I don't know if I want kids of my own but let me share a secret with you...I do...very much so. I came to this realization at the end of naptime the other day when I opened the curtains in my classroom to see our kindergarten assistant on the playground having a conversation with a couple of the little girls. Watching him with the kids made me remember how much I desire a man who loves children and wants a family of his own someday.
I love the story in Genesis where God fulfills His promise to Abraham and Sarah and finally blesses them with a child of their own. It gives me so much hope that if God places a desire in your life, He will fulfill that desire, but in His timing. Abraham and Sarah waited for a child for a very long time. In fact, Abraham was 100 years old when his son was finally born! If God can fulfill Abraham and Sarah's dreams at that age, I'm pretty sure me being 28 without children is NOT that big of a deal.
The one verse that gives me the most comfort is my favorite. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." This is by far my all time favorite verse. The more I pray about it, and the more I live it out in my daily life, the more I find it to be true. My desires may not be God's desires for my life, and the more I turn over the keys to my life to Him, the more His desires became prevalent and prove to be far greater than anything I have ever planned for my life.
I feel as if the last year and a half especially have been teaching me contentment in every aspect of my life. I have my days where I want to take control and yell and scream and ask God when it's going to be my turn to have the things I have always wanted most: a career, a husband, and kids but then He shows me the amazing things I have in my life right now and reminds me that His plan is better than mine. I have to learn to be content in where I currently am before I can move on to the future. I, for one, can't wait to see what He has planned for me.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
The one on body image
I've been playing around with various blog topics for the last several nights but decided to start with this one after an impromptu shopping trip tonight. (No worries though because I have several started on paper that I'll get around to sharing in the next few days.)
My best friend and I decided to go for ice cream tonight and then afterwards, we popped into a clothing store, one of my favorites but that I don't shop at very often because it's on the more expensive side. I was there to share feedback on what she was trying on and ended up picking up several tank tops and a dress to try on. Then, I came across this beauty.
I'm not one to go for these type of dresses because I typically think they look better on the hanger than on me. That had been the case with both tank tops and the first dress I tried on. Imagine my surprise when this dress fit just right, as if it had been designed just for me! I kept staring at myself in the mirror, having the hardest time comprehending the image that stared back at me.
I have always struggled with my self-esteem and my body. Growing up with a father who was verbally abusive made it impossible for me to believe that I was beautiful. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't tell me that I wasn't good enough, that no one would ever love me or want to marry me because I wasn't beautiful enough. During my teen years, especially when we first moved to Cincinnati, I struggled with never feeling like I measured up. All of the girls around me at school (at least in my mind) looked like they had just stepped off of a movie set. They were skinny, beautiful, and popular-all the things I knew I would never be. It wasn't until I met one of my best friends and she invited me to church that I was able to start breaking myself of these thoughts. Giving my life to Christ taught me that my self-worth wasn't about the outer appearance, but was about my inner beauty.
As I've grown in my faith over the last 11 years, I've learned that until I learn to love myself, no one will ever be able to fully love me. I am the one who jeopardizes every friendship and relationship because in my mind, I will never measure up. I had my first serious relationship almost two years ago and it was the first time that I ever felt beautiful and worthy. Here was someone who genuinely cared about me for me and didn't make me feel as if I had to change to capture his attention. After we broke up, some of my friends gently reminded me that even though our relationship didn't last, it taught me that there are people who genuinely see me for me and who think I'm beautiful just the way I am, not the way society expects me to be.
I've spent the last year and a half growing steadily in my faith and what I read in the Bible astounds me. I am created in God's image. That means that every time I get down on myself and how I look, I am criticizing and denouncing God for who He created me to be. He thinks I am beautiful and perfect. He knitted me inside my mother's womb and knows the very number of hairs on my head. There isn't a part of me that He does not love. If that's the case, then who am I to be so hard on myself?
Self-worth comes from accepting who you are, both inside and out. It means loving every part of yourself just as God loves you. One of my favorite quotes is "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's up to you to decide your self-worth and where it comes from. Society, friends, family, coworkers, etc. are NOT the people who decide what makes you beautiful. Your beauty comes from within and with it, comes your self-worth. God created YOU in HIS image and He thinks you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Who are you to argue with that fact?
Friday, March 22, 2013
Am I crazy?
I haven't decided if I'm crazy yet or not, but I'm entertaining the idea of going back to school and finishing up the hours needed to obtain my clinical mental health counseling license, only doing it with a Christian emphasis and becoming a Christian counselor.
I've always had the idea of being a Christian counselor and counseling couples in the church but opted for school counseling because I didn't want to take all of the classes geared towards making a diagnosis, etc etc that UC offered. Then, one night last week, I had dinner with one of my college girlfriends who asked me if I had ever thought about being a Christian counselor. On top of that, I spent yesterday at Cincinnati Christian University for a youth ministry summit and saw a slide about their counseling program and the idea has just been stuck in my head for the last 24 hours (minus the several hours I spent getting sick since I came down with a stomach bug...ugh!).
I spent this afternoon looking throught their graduate catalog and they have an amazing program set up for graduate students that allows you to make your tuition payments on a sliding payment scale, along with offering scholarships and your typical financial aid. It's too late to apply for the fall program but I am thinking about applying for next spring. Plus, since I already have a master's in counseling (though school based), I already have 10 classes that should count toward the mental health license, which is roughly 30 of the 70 hours needed towards graduation. Definitely a perk!
What do you all think? Am I crazy? I told myself after finishing at UC that I was never going back to school but with education jobs being few and far between, I feel like I have a better shot at a job if I have a mental health license as well. I feel like this could make me more marketable and eventually get me away from the preschool.
I don't know. This could just be another one of my crazy ideas. I definitely don't want to take out anymore student loans (the ridiculous amount I have right now is enough!) so this is something I'm going to have to be able to pay for and potentially get scholarships to cover. At least I have awhile before I'd even have to think about applying...
I've always had the idea of being a Christian counselor and counseling couples in the church but opted for school counseling because I didn't want to take all of the classes geared towards making a diagnosis, etc etc that UC offered. Then, one night last week, I had dinner with one of my college girlfriends who asked me if I had ever thought about being a Christian counselor. On top of that, I spent yesterday at Cincinnati Christian University for a youth ministry summit and saw a slide about their counseling program and the idea has just been stuck in my head for the last 24 hours (minus the several hours I spent getting sick since I came down with a stomach bug...ugh!).
I spent this afternoon looking throught their graduate catalog and they have an amazing program set up for graduate students that allows you to make your tuition payments on a sliding payment scale, along with offering scholarships and your typical financial aid. It's too late to apply for the fall program but I am thinking about applying for next spring. Plus, since I already have a master's in counseling (though school based), I already have 10 classes that should count toward the mental health license, which is roughly 30 of the 70 hours needed towards graduation. Definitely a perk!
What do you all think? Am I crazy? I told myself after finishing at UC that I was never going back to school but with education jobs being few and far between, I feel like I have a better shot at a job if I have a mental health license as well. I feel like this could make me more marketable and eventually get me away from the preschool.
I don't know. This could just be another one of my crazy ideas. I definitely don't want to take out anymore student loans (the ridiculous amount I have right now is enough!) so this is something I'm going to have to be able to pay for and potentially get scholarships to cover. At least I have awhile before I'd even have to think about applying...
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Excited....!!!
MY SISTER AND I ARE GOING TO THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, 98 DEGREES, AND BOYS II MEN CONCERT IN JUNE!!!
This will now make all of my childhood bands complete except for NSync who still isn't reuniting because I have already seen NKOTB once and I've also seen Backstreet Boys live! AHHHHH!!! Let the countdown begin!!!!
You may continue on with your lives now that I've shared my exciting news! :-P
This will now make all of my childhood bands complete except for NSync who still isn't reuniting because I have already seen NKOTB once and I've also seen Backstreet Boys live! AHHHHH!!! Let the countdown begin!!!!
You may continue on with your lives now that I've shared my exciting news! :-P
Thursday, February 14, 2013
2013...the year of challenges
I used to love blogging and now, I can't even find the time (or motivation)
to sit down to type out an entry. Ever since coming home for Haiti, I've been
all about living in the moment and truly living and experiencing my life, not
just recording it. There's so much going on though, that I want to use my blog
as my way of looking back on this year and the challenges I'm bringing to
myself.
After college, I opened up my first ever credit cards. Since then, I've learned the hard way just how awful they can be and how quickly you can get yourself into trouble with them. During grad school, I had some unexpected expenses that popped up and with working limited hours, a lot of those expenses went on my cards. Now, I'm working hard to pay all of them off, most of which ended up in collections because I was barely working and couldn't pay them. I officially paid off the first card two weeks ago and have payment plans set up for all but one (which is frustrating because no matter how often I call, they won't call me back to set up a payment plan...ugh). I'm also working to get lowered payments on my student loans and it has never felt so good to see all of my money go to bills because it means my debt is slowly shrinking. My student loans will take FOREVER to be paid off because I have over $100k in student loan debt (yeah I don't want to discuss it :-/ ) but I just keep telling myself that every little bit helps.
I've been learning what it means to make and stick to a budget and I'm getting fairly good at it. I make grocery lists before I leave the house so I'm not impulse buying, all of my bills get paid before I allow myself to spend any extra money, I've been trying to plan meals to eat at home so I don't eat out very often, and any "extra" money that's not from my paycheck goes into an envelope for my vacation fund. My family is headed to Disney and Vero Beach this summer and I want to be able to fully afford it so babysitting, tutoring, and any extra money I get does not get accounted for in the budget. I have never been very good at not spending money so the fact that I've been saving for a month and haven't touched a dime of the vacation money is a good thing for me. (And for you super money conscious people who I know do the Dave Ramsey plan and are about to tell me it should go towards my debt snowball-keep your comment. I don't mean that harshly but yes I realize the money could go to "better" things, but I haven't been on vacation with my family in years and this is my way of being able to fund it myself.) I always tell myself that if it's not in the budget and it can't come out of my paycheck, then it's not important enough to buy right now.
I get paid tomorrow and I have to head to the bank so I'm planning on opening up a savings account. I want to be able to shift some of what's left over after paying bills into my savings so I can have something to fall back on. Plus, I REALLY need new tires on my car and probably a tune up, so if I stick the money in my savings, I'll have it. I'm planning on using some of my tax refund for vacation and for new running shoes (see further down) but the majority of it will go into savings so I have stuff to fall back on should something happen and I need it.
Since Haiti, I feel as if I've grown tremendously. My words for 2012 were strength and growth. I spent all last year praying and seeking out ways for the Lord to grow me and strengthen my walk with Him. Going to Haiti was a huge part of that because I had to learn to pull my strength from the Word and my friends to truly believe that the support was going to come in. I learned how strong I could be when I leaned on my faith and how much I would grow when I chose to lay down who I was for who God was calling me to be.
For the third year in a row, I’ve chosen a word instead of goals (though I do have some goals I’ve set anyway haha). My word for 2013 came during a New Year’s Eve sermon at church on surrender. I had been praying about it for weeks and after that one sermon, I started hearing the word surrender everywhere. I knew then that that’s what I needed to do this year. 2013 is all about surrendering my pride and my plans for plans that are far greater than my own. With laying down my pride, it means setting aside my stubbornness and realizing that it’s okay to ask for help! We are not meant to do life alone and the people in my life are going to love me regardless of some of my stupid choices.
I think one of my last updates was about Teach for America. I found out that I didn’t get in on the same day that I also gained weight during a weigh in for our biggest loser challenge at work. I let myself sulk for a couple of hours and then after much time spent thinking and praying about it, I realized that God just isn’t done with me here yet. I honestly can’t see myself living anywhere but Cincinnati, especially since my family and my best friends are here. I’m mentoring two amazing youth girls that I love dearly, and I’m a youth sponsor for a group of kids that I am crazy about. Plus, I have finally connected with a small group that I love and is helping me to grow and I’m just not ready to walk away from any of that right now. I’m still looking for school counseling jobs for next year and I know that regardless of what happens, this is where I’m meant to be right now.
My biggest challenge right now is that for the first time ever, I’ve decided to give something up for Lent. Typically, I take something on because I can never make myself sacrifice something I love but this year, with the idea of surrendering on my mind, I decided to prove to myself that I could do it. I went to Haiti for crying out loud! If I spent 10 days overseas living off of crackers and peanut butter, then I can certainly sacrifice something I love for six weeks to focus on my relationship with the Lord. So with all of that on my mind, I decided to give up pop for Lent. I decided it would be good for me health wise too because it’s nothing but empty calories and sugar that I just don’t need. I get a shot of caffeine in the morning from crystal light packets and then drink water the rest of the day at work. The first two days have been rough because I was drinking at least two cokes a day at work so obviously I’m not drinking as much caffeine, which is killing my mood. I feel bad for anyone who has had to deal with my crankiness the last couple of days!
I also decided if I’m giving something up, then I am also taking something on. I plan to hit the gym at least three times a week, along with spending at least 15-30 minutes a day in the Word. I want these next six weeks to be a time for health, growth, and refreshment. I want to walk away from this time of reflection and growth stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. Christ sacrificed so much by dying on the cross for me. The least I can do is sacrifice part of my day for Him.
Some other challenges I've set for myself for this year other than finances and my spiritual life are to just be healthy. Setting my goal of three times a week at the gym during Lent is going to make it a habit that will stick long after Lent is over, which is a good thing. My friend Ron from my small group at church is a personal trainer and he's been encouraging me like crazy the last couple of weeks by commenting on my statuses when I go to the gym, "liking" my check-ins at the gym, and asking me how my workouts are. This Sunday he's going to help me figure out numbers on body fat vs. lean body mass and all of that fun stuff. It's kind of fun having a personal trainer friend, though it makes it harder to get away with not going to the gym. :-P
My friend and fellow Disney addict Andrea and I are planning on running the 2014 princess half marathon at Disney World next year. I've been saying FOREVER that I'm done with running and that you couldn't pay me to run again after I spent over a year training for the last half marathon I ran and then she pulled me right back in with two little words: Disney World. *sigh* I have decided that I'm going to take a little bit of my tax refund money and splurge on new running shoes. I need new workout shoes anyway because my old ones are shot. They offer no support and the last few times I've come home from the gym after an intense workout with feet that hurt from the lack of support and rubbing hot spots on my toes. It's definitely time for new shoes which means a trip to my favorite running store soon! :)
For once, I feel truly content in where I am. I have my moments where I mumble and grumble, but truly, 2012 was a huge year of growth for me. I never would have expected that I would be okay with where my life is right now but I am. I'm ready for 2013 and whatever challenges and experiences this year is going to bring. :)
After college, I opened up my first ever credit cards. Since then, I've learned the hard way just how awful they can be and how quickly you can get yourself into trouble with them. During grad school, I had some unexpected expenses that popped up and with working limited hours, a lot of those expenses went on my cards. Now, I'm working hard to pay all of them off, most of which ended up in collections because I was barely working and couldn't pay them. I officially paid off the first card two weeks ago and have payment plans set up for all but one (which is frustrating because no matter how often I call, they won't call me back to set up a payment plan...ugh). I'm also working to get lowered payments on my student loans and it has never felt so good to see all of my money go to bills because it means my debt is slowly shrinking. My student loans will take FOREVER to be paid off because I have over $100k in student loan debt (yeah I don't want to discuss it :-/ ) but I just keep telling myself that every little bit helps.
I've been learning what it means to make and stick to a budget and I'm getting fairly good at it. I make grocery lists before I leave the house so I'm not impulse buying, all of my bills get paid before I allow myself to spend any extra money, I've been trying to plan meals to eat at home so I don't eat out very often, and any "extra" money that's not from my paycheck goes into an envelope for my vacation fund. My family is headed to Disney and Vero Beach this summer and I want to be able to fully afford it so babysitting, tutoring, and any extra money I get does not get accounted for in the budget. I have never been very good at not spending money so the fact that I've been saving for a month and haven't touched a dime of the vacation money is a good thing for me. (And for you super money conscious people who I know do the Dave Ramsey plan and are about to tell me it should go towards my debt snowball-keep your comment. I don't mean that harshly but yes I realize the money could go to "better" things, but I haven't been on vacation with my family in years and this is my way of being able to fund it myself.) I always tell myself that if it's not in the budget and it can't come out of my paycheck, then it's not important enough to buy right now.
I get paid tomorrow and I have to head to the bank so I'm planning on opening up a savings account. I want to be able to shift some of what's left over after paying bills into my savings so I can have something to fall back on. Plus, I REALLY need new tires on my car and probably a tune up, so if I stick the money in my savings, I'll have it. I'm planning on using some of my tax refund for vacation and for new running shoes (see further down) but the majority of it will go into savings so I have stuff to fall back on should something happen and I need it.
Since Haiti, I feel as if I've grown tremendously. My words for 2012 were strength and growth. I spent all last year praying and seeking out ways for the Lord to grow me and strengthen my walk with Him. Going to Haiti was a huge part of that because I had to learn to pull my strength from the Word and my friends to truly believe that the support was going to come in. I learned how strong I could be when I leaned on my faith and how much I would grow when I chose to lay down who I was for who God was calling me to be.
For the third year in a row, I’ve chosen a word instead of goals (though I do have some goals I’ve set anyway haha). My word for 2013 came during a New Year’s Eve sermon at church on surrender. I had been praying about it for weeks and after that one sermon, I started hearing the word surrender everywhere. I knew then that that’s what I needed to do this year. 2013 is all about surrendering my pride and my plans for plans that are far greater than my own. With laying down my pride, it means setting aside my stubbornness and realizing that it’s okay to ask for help! We are not meant to do life alone and the people in my life are going to love me regardless of some of my stupid choices.
I think one of my last updates was about Teach for America. I found out that I didn’t get in on the same day that I also gained weight during a weigh in for our biggest loser challenge at work. I let myself sulk for a couple of hours and then after much time spent thinking and praying about it, I realized that God just isn’t done with me here yet. I honestly can’t see myself living anywhere but Cincinnati, especially since my family and my best friends are here. I’m mentoring two amazing youth girls that I love dearly, and I’m a youth sponsor for a group of kids that I am crazy about. Plus, I have finally connected with a small group that I love and is helping me to grow and I’m just not ready to walk away from any of that right now. I’m still looking for school counseling jobs for next year and I know that regardless of what happens, this is where I’m meant to be right now.
My biggest challenge right now is that for the first time ever, I’ve decided to give something up for Lent. Typically, I take something on because I can never make myself sacrifice something I love but this year, with the idea of surrendering on my mind, I decided to prove to myself that I could do it. I went to Haiti for crying out loud! If I spent 10 days overseas living off of crackers and peanut butter, then I can certainly sacrifice something I love for six weeks to focus on my relationship with the Lord. So with all of that on my mind, I decided to give up pop for Lent. I decided it would be good for me health wise too because it’s nothing but empty calories and sugar that I just don’t need. I get a shot of caffeine in the morning from crystal light packets and then drink water the rest of the day at work. The first two days have been rough because I was drinking at least two cokes a day at work so obviously I’m not drinking as much caffeine, which is killing my mood. I feel bad for anyone who has had to deal with my crankiness the last couple of days!
I also decided if I’m giving something up, then I am also taking something on. I plan to hit the gym at least three times a week, along with spending at least 15-30 minutes a day in the Word. I want these next six weeks to be a time for health, growth, and refreshment. I want to walk away from this time of reflection and growth stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. Christ sacrificed so much by dying on the cross for me. The least I can do is sacrifice part of my day for Him.
Some other challenges I've set for myself for this year other than finances and my spiritual life are to just be healthy. Setting my goal of three times a week at the gym during Lent is going to make it a habit that will stick long after Lent is over, which is a good thing. My friend Ron from my small group at church is a personal trainer and he's been encouraging me like crazy the last couple of weeks by commenting on my statuses when I go to the gym, "liking" my check-ins at the gym, and asking me how my workouts are. This Sunday he's going to help me figure out numbers on body fat vs. lean body mass and all of that fun stuff. It's kind of fun having a personal trainer friend, though it makes it harder to get away with not going to the gym. :-P
My friend and fellow Disney addict Andrea and I are planning on running the 2014 princess half marathon at Disney World next year. I've been saying FOREVER that I'm done with running and that you couldn't pay me to run again after I spent over a year training for the last half marathon I ran and then she pulled me right back in with two little words: Disney World. *sigh* I have decided that I'm going to take a little bit of my tax refund money and splurge on new running shoes. I need new workout shoes anyway because my old ones are shot. They offer no support and the last few times I've come home from the gym after an intense workout with feet that hurt from the lack of support and rubbing hot spots on my toes. It's definitely time for new shoes which means a trip to my favorite running store soon! :)
For once, I feel truly content in where I am. I have my moments where I mumble and grumble, but truly, 2012 was a huge year of growth for me. I never would have expected that I would be okay with where my life is right now but I am. I'm ready for 2013 and whatever challenges and experiences this year is going to bring. :)
Saturday, December 15, 2012
A life lived in fear...
....is no life lived at all.
In the wake of the terrible tragedy in Newtown, CT yesterday, my heart hurts. I can't even begin to imagine the pain these families are feeling, especially so close to Christmas. When the news broke during my lunch break yesterday, I sat in the lobby of the preschool I work in with a couple of my coworkers, just stunned into silence. Going about the rest of my day was next to impossible, especially because we weren't allowed to discuss it so we wouldn't upset our kids. I couldn't even have the radio on in my classroom because they kept breaking in with news updates. It wasn't until late last night when I was watching the news that I finally let the tears fall and I cried for the victims and for how we, as a society, have failed the person responsible for such an attack.
How often do we shun those we consider "outsiders?" How often do we make fun of those who are different from us? How hard is it to walk across a room and say hello to someone else, someone who may be different from us? As an educator, my heart hurts for the fact that this was a former student who may have slipped through the cracks. Our nation shuns those who seek professional mental health care and we make it next to impossible to gain access to such care. How different our nation could be if only we made it easier for those to gain access to the help they need. How different our nation could be if we only loved each other the way God calls us to love.
In the light of all that's happened, I made my final decision about Teach for America. I am definitely applying and have decided that I am going to all in: I'm putting myself out there for re-location instead of playing it safe and asking to be placed here. There are SO many school districts around the country where students are slipping through the cracks and being forgotten about. I have ALWAYS wanted to be that educator who reminds students that they have a future, that they have potential, and that they have at least one person who cares for them.
As my entry title says, a life lived in fear is no life lived at all. I am young and there is NO reason for me to fear taking this next step. I knew that my current job at the preschool was temporary until I could finish school. Teach for America is an incredible opportunity and there is NO reason for me to fear taking the next step to further my career as I moved towards being a school counselor. I do not want to live my life in fear and with regrets.
Here's to taking the next step and stepping out on faith. I'll be praying like crazy for the next couple of months as I submit my application and wait to hear if I move on to the next round of phone interviews. Don't wait to go after something you want. We aren't promised tomorrow and there's no reason for us to live in fear and with regrets. Here's to living for today. :)
In the wake of the terrible tragedy in Newtown, CT yesterday, my heart hurts. I can't even begin to imagine the pain these families are feeling, especially so close to Christmas. When the news broke during my lunch break yesterday, I sat in the lobby of the preschool I work in with a couple of my coworkers, just stunned into silence. Going about the rest of my day was next to impossible, especially because we weren't allowed to discuss it so we wouldn't upset our kids. I couldn't even have the radio on in my classroom because they kept breaking in with news updates. It wasn't until late last night when I was watching the news that I finally let the tears fall and I cried for the victims and for how we, as a society, have failed the person responsible for such an attack.
How often do we shun those we consider "outsiders?" How often do we make fun of those who are different from us? How hard is it to walk across a room and say hello to someone else, someone who may be different from us? As an educator, my heart hurts for the fact that this was a former student who may have slipped through the cracks. Our nation shuns those who seek professional mental health care and we make it next to impossible to gain access to such care. How different our nation could be if only we made it easier for those to gain access to the help they need. How different our nation could be if we only loved each other the way God calls us to love.
In the light of all that's happened, I made my final decision about Teach for America. I am definitely applying and have decided that I am going to all in: I'm putting myself out there for re-location instead of playing it safe and asking to be placed here. There are SO many school districts around the country where students are slipping through the cracks and being forgotten about. I have ALWAYS wanted to be that educator who reminds students that they have a future, that they have potential, and that they have at least one person who cares for them.
As my entry title says, a life lived in fear is no life lived at all. I am young and there is NO reason for me to fear taking this next step. I knew that my current job at the preschool was temporary until I could finish school. Teach for America is an incredible opportunity and there is NO reason for me to fear taking the next step to further my career as I moved towards being a school counselor. I do not want to live my life in fear and with regrets.
Here's to taking the next step and stepping out on faith. I'll be praying like crazy for the next couple of months as I submit my application and wait to hear if I move on to the next round of phone interviews. Don't wait to go after something you want. We aren't promised tomorrow and there's no reason for us to live in fear and with regrets. Here's to living for today. :)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Where have I been?
I'm way overdue for an update. After I got home from Haiti, life returned to normal...or normal as I knew it. I went back to work, went back to church, and went back to spending my free time with my family and friends. Mentally and emotionally, my heart was still in Haiti. I never expected that my 10 days overseas would make such an impact on me but it did. There isn't a single day that goes by that my mind doesn't wander to Haiti, the people I met there, and the work we did. I can't wait to go back.
Every year, my church does Operation Christmas Child but I've never participated. This year, I found myself wandering Target for an hour hemming and hawing over what I wanted to put in my box. I ended up spending $60 putting this box together for a special little girl and I can't wait to find out where it's been shipped to. I paid for my box online so I could track it and I'm praying it ends up in Haiti, though I know it will bless some special little girl regardless of where it ends up.
So what has my life been like? This summer was the most incredible summer of my life. It started with graduating with my Master's degree (though I'm still currently employed at the same preschool I've been at for years, with a new potential opening up...more on that in a bit) and then heading to New York City for a whirlwind of a weekend with some of the greatest friends I could ask for. Even though I got sick while we were there, I loved every moment of it. Adrienne and I are tentatively planning to go back next year around Thanksgiving or Christmas for a girl's weekend if we can convince my parents to let us use our timeshare points to stay in the city, otherwise we won't be able to swing it alone.
After NYC was obviously my time spent in Haiti. I really wish I were going back this summer, though I know it just isn't feasible or logical. I do intend to go back at some point but this summer just isn't the right timing. For now, I know God is calling me to pray for the work being done in Haiti and I'm currently looking at other ways of giving to the organization we went with.
Now that my life is back to "normal," my time is spent working, tutoring, and mentoring a couple of my youth girls. Every night is filled with some kind of a commitment, but the best one of all has been finding time to workout again. Denise and I are back to our regular Monday and Wednesday night running sessions at the gym and the last few weeks have been so good for my sanity. I sleep SO much better after a good workout and by the time we wrap up, I'm so worn out that I go home, shower, and pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Work wise, I'm still at the preschool I've been at since I graduated from college. I applied for over 50 school counseling positions for this year and didn't get called for a single interview. It's discouraging to have a degree in such a tight field, especially when education is so difficult to get into in Ohio. They say there's going to be a big retirement boom in the next couple of years but we'll see how that one ends up. I've been applying for social work jobs, hoping to fall back on my undergraduate degree but even those aren't panning out.
I had several people recently suggest to me that I apply to Teach For America, so I spent today purusing their website trying to get information. One of the ladies from my church has a niece who works for TFA in South Carolina so she's passing on my contact information to her just so I can get some questions answered and fears eased before I apply. The more time I spend on their website, the more encouraged I feel about applying to the program. I mean, the worst that can happen is that I'm denied and I move on to other jobs right? They have over 46 regions, including one right here in southwest Ohio. My top choices right now are obviously here in my own backyard, Denver, and New York City.
I haven't fully decided I'm applying yet and have until mid-January to apply, with a later deadline in February. It would be an incredible opportunity, but one I would have to make a two year commitment to. That alone is the scary part. What if I got denied here in Cincinnati but accepted to another region? Would I be ready to relocate for two years without anyone? It's a scary thought but TFA is such an incredible program that I feel like I would be stupid to pass up at least applying.
My friend Michelle said it best on her facebook status last week "I'd rather make a mistake than fail to take a risk." If there's anything my time in Haiti taught me, it's to take a risk and step out on faith. Since coming home from Haiti, it's all I've thought about. I took a risk and stepped out on faith, full of fear, and knew that God was with me each step of the way. This is no different. If I don't take a risk and at least apply, I'll always ask myself what if. This isn't the first time my mind has wandered to TFA. It's crossed my mind here and there but I've never taken the time to sit down and research it unil today. It would be a huge risk, but there is no better time to do it than now. I'm not married, I'm not in a relationship, I don't have kids...there's nothing holding me back. I'll never know unless I try right?
Every year, my church does Operation Christmas Child but I've never participated. This year, I found myself wandering Target for an hour hemming and hawing over what I wanted to put in my box. I ended up spending $60 putting this box together for a special little girl and I can't wait to find out where it's been shipped to. I paid for my box online so I could track it and I'm praying it ends up in Haiti, though I know it will bless some special little girl regardless of where it ends up.
So what has my life been like? This summer was the most incredible summer of my life. It started with graduating with my Master's degree (though I'm still currently employed at the same preschool I've been at for years, with a new potential opening up...more on that in a bit) and then heading to New York City for a whirlwind of a weekend with some of the greatest friends I could ask for. Even though I got sick while we were there, I loved every moment of it. Adrienne and I are tentatively planning to go back next year around Thanksgiving or Christmas for a girl's weekend if we can convince my parents to let us use our timeshare points to stay in the city, otherwise we won't be able to swing it alone.
After NYC was obviously my time spent in Haiti. I really wish I were going back this summer, though I know it just isn't feasible or logical. I do intend to go back at some point but this summer just isn't the right timing. For now, I know God is calling me to pray for the work being done in Haiti and I'm currently looking at other ways of giving to the organization we went with.
Now that my life is back to "normal," my time is spent working, tutoring, and mentoring a couple of my youth girls. Every night is filled with some kind of a commitment, but the best one of all has been finding time to workout again. Denise and I are back to our regular Monday and Wednesday night running sessions at the gym and the last few weeks have been so good for my sanity. I sleep SO much better after a good workout and by the time we wrap up, I'm so worn out that I go home, shower, and pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Work wise, I'm still at the preschool I've been at since I graduated from college. I applied for over 50 school counseling positions for this year and didn't get called for a single interview. It's discouraging to have a degree in such a tight field, especially when education is so difficult to get into in Ohio. They say there's going to be a big retirement boom in the next couple of years but we'll see how that one ends up. I've been applying for social work jobs, hoping to fall back on my undergraduate degree but even those aren't panning out.
I had several people recently suggest to me that I apply to Teach For America, so I spent today purusing their website trying to get information. One of the ladies from my church has a niece who works for TFA in South Carolina so she's passing on my contact information to her just so I can get some questions answered and fears eased before I apply. The more time I spend on their website, the more encouraged I feel about applying to the program. I mean, the worst that can happen is that I'm denied and I move on to other jobs right? They have over 46 regions, including one right here in southwest Ohio. My top choices right now are obviously here in my own backyard, Denver, and New York City.
I haven't fully decided I'm applying yet and have until mid-January to apply, with a later deadline in February. It would be an incredible opportunity, but one I would have to make a two year commitment to. That alone is the scary part. What if I got denied here in Cincinnati but accepted to another region? Would I be ready to relocate for two years without anyone? It's a scary thought but TFA is such an incredible program that I feel like I would be stupid to pass up at least applying.
My friend Michelle said it best on her facebook status last week "I'd rather make a mistake than fail to take a risk." If there's anything my time in Haiti taught me, it's to take a risk and step out on faith. Since coming home from Haiti, it's all I've thought about. I took a risk and stepped out on faith, full of fear, and knew that God was with me each step of the way. This is no different. If I don't take a risk and at least apply, I'll always ask myself what if. This isn't the first time my mind has wandered to TFA. It's crossed my mind here and there but I've never taken the time to sit down and research it unil today. It would be a huge risk, but there is no better time to do it than now. I'm not married, I'm not in a relationship, I don't have kids...there's nothing holding me back. I'll never know unless I try right?
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