When I first started at Crossroads and got involved at crux, I repeatedly told my friends that I was in a season of my life where I was only meant to receive. I had spent the past five years serving and pouring into others and I thought for sure this was going to be my season of rest and receiving to build back up where I felt I was struggling. Well, it wasn't but a few months of being involved with crux before my friend Laura reached out to me and asked me to facilitate a small group of girls within our pod. We were growing exponentially and we were becoming too big to stay together and really be able to dig into what we were learning at crux. I very hesitantly agreed and found out that facilitating came naturally to me. I enjoyed the small group of girls I got to do life with each week and loved that we checked in with each other over the course of the week and were praying for each other outside of crux. I remember telling Laura that even though I was facilitating, I most definitely did NOT feel called to be a pod leader. I was comfortable where I was and I was finally starting to form relationships with the people I had spent months running from. Surely God wouldn't ask me to give that up...would He?
Well, imagine my surprise when Laura and Josh approached me in February and told me that they thought I was ready to be a pod leader. I had to have had the most dumbfounded look on my face because I knew there was NO way that was ever going to happen! They told me to think about it and pray about it and to see where God took it. I immediately (and I mean not even 24 hours went by) sought out three very close friends that I go to for spiritual advice and asked them what they thought and all three were in agreement that they thought this was a good move for me. They had seen what God was doing in my life through crux and Crossroads and they thought I was ready for something more.
I spent another two weeks praying about it before I found myself spilling everything out to Megan via text messaging one afternoon while sitting in the middle of a Panera praying and listening to worship music. It's funny how God uses people and brings them back into your life at a moment when you need them most. Megan and I have been friends FOREVER and even when we go months without talking, somehow God puts us back together when we need each other the most. I found myself telling her all about how I was wrestling with God over being a leader and how I was unsure I was qualified to do it and kept coming up with one dumb reason after another for why it wouldn't work. She told me to take the song Oceans by Hillsong and to use that song as a prayer. She knew I was headed to meet with someone in leadership that night and knew that song would give me the answers I would need, which is funny because that's one of the first songs that played during a Saturday night service when I first started at Crossroads last spring and it quickly became my anthem. All I wanted was for God to lead me deeper than my own feet could take me and that's exactly how this past year has played out.
The night I said yes to being a pod leader, we were doing a worship and community night at crux and Oceans just happened to come on over the loudspeaker as we were moving to our first rotation. As soon as that song started, I felt a peace that could have only come from God. I immediately pulled out my phone and text Megan, who of course told me I was having a God moment! As we moved from one rotation to the next, Laura commented to me that she thought I looked peaceful and I realized in that moment that I was. I knew by saying yes to being a pod leader and stretching out of my comfort zone, that I was walking in obedience and doing what God was asking me to do.
Over the past two weeks, I've had moments where I know I'm exactly where God wants me to be. It's still weird to me to not be with the group that I spent the past year developing relationships and growing with, but I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. I thought for sure no one could love me the way the girls from my old pod did, but last night, the girls in my new pod, the ones I'm supposed to be leading, made me cry and loved on me in a way I never expected. We were talking about repentance and the things we were struggling with and I found myself getting antsy, knowing I was feeling nudged by the Holy Spirit to be vulnerable and share something very personal with them. As I found myself spilling out this moment of intensity, I was inwardly kicking myself for opening up so quickly. Imagine my surprise when these amazing women immediately asked if they could lay hands on me and pray over me.
As I sat there with my head bowed, all I could do was sniffle back tears at how good and how faithful the Lord is. I wanted this to be a year where I was stretched out of my comfort zone and it certainly has already been that way. I tried to put my own timeline on God's plans and He very gently turned that timeline around to what He wanted. I am so excited to do life with these incredible ladies (well and the guys too...but especially the girls!) and I know God has big plans for our pod for this year.
I am especially thankful for the friends who aren't afraid to speak truth and love into my life and know me better than I know myself. They make me strive to be a better person and to run after the Lord wholeheartedly. It's a blessing to have people I can chase Jesus with and to know that they love me and will have my back when I need them the most. Walking in obedience isn't always easy, but the rewards are oh so sweet.
