The weekend I've been waiting a year for...

This is the weekend I've been waiting a year for! At this time last year, I was getting excited to head downtown on Sunday morning to watch Denise cross the finish line of her first full marathon. A year later, we've come full circle and she will run the full marathon while I run the half.

I never thought this day would come but it's finally here! I am confident (though nervous!) and ready. I have trained for a year for this. I am ready! I picked Beth up at the airport today (she's currently sleeping because she had a flight at 7 a.m. Tuscon time so she's exhausted) and then we had dinner with Denise to carb load. Tomorrow we head to the expo to pick up our numbers and our t-shirts and then Sunday is the big day!!

I'm headed to bed now myself because we're getting up early to watch some friends finish at the 10k and then heading to the expo from there. Plus, I've been training my body for the last week to sleep when it's tired and my eyes hurt so it's bedtime. I'm only still awake because I was finishing up some homework.

Have a great weekend and think of me bright and early Sunday morning as I run 13.1 miles!!

Dear work...

Dear work,
Thank you for bouncing my paycheck for the third time in a year and a half. Thank you for the fact that I now only have $29 to my name until you can correct this mistake and the fact that my car is on empty and I have to drive to work, school, and home tomorrow. Thank you for making me come home and cry because I am so pissed off that I spent $82 I didn't have at the oil change place not knowing my paycheck had bounced. And thank you most of all for knowing about this mistake since SATURDAY and not bothering to tell any of us that our checks were going to bounce.

Sincerely,
a pissed off employee who is not going to be fun to work with tomorrow

Five days to go...

So the half marathon is in five days. FIVE! How has a year of training come down to the home stretch already?!?

How am I feeling you ask? Physically, I'm so ready, minus this pesky rash which is once again spreading. I'm really hoping the doctor has some answers for me when the test results come back this week. Otherwise, my body is trained and ready for this race. I twisted my ankle last week but it's completely healed and feeling good. There is no reason physically that I can't run 13 miles on Sunday!

Mentally, I'm starting to stress a little. I haven't done more than nine miles during long runs so my mind is playing tricks on me and telling me I'm not ready, even though I know I am. I'm trying to be the strong one because I know Denise is freaking out a little more than I am about her whole marathon so I'm trying to stay upbeat for both of us. We're both ready. I know that for a fact. We've been training for a year and she's run THREE half marathons since running the full marathon at the Pig last year. She is so ready and she CAN do this!!

I knew that mentally this week was going to be tough. I'm a bundle of nerves, excitement, and fear but I KNOW I'm ready for this race. I have never wanted something so badly in my entire life. I CAN and WILL cross that finish line on Sunday morning! Now if only that pesky forecase would change to eliminate the rain. Then things would be perfect. T-minus 5 days and counting! Bring on the Flying Pig Half Marathon!!

Going with my gut on this one...

I'm long overdue for an update so I figure this will probably be a long entry.

First off: school. The "school year" is almost over but with it comes a whole new set of worries. I have to take a summer class over the summer which was supposed to be online but is now going to be five weeks during second session, twice a week. This is going to screw up me being able to work full time all summer long. I mean, my internship was going to start at the beginning of August anyway but I was still hoping to get close to 40 hours through the end of August. Instead, I'm going to be lucky if I get 30. Guess it'll get me prepared for next school year when I can only work three days a week due to my internship.

I'm getting excited but nervous about my internship. I'll be at a local junior high where the school district has cut back to just one counselor so she has already told me that I'm going to have more responsibility than normal since she'll be the only one in the building. I told her I'm okay with that because it'll give me more experience and I'll be able to better market myself once I graduate.

I started stressing about my internship today because I can only intern one and a half days a week for fall quarter because one of my classes falls in the middle of the day at one, which means having to leave my internship at noon in order to make it to class on time. I wish they'd change it and offer it at four like normal graduate classes, but whatever. I'll just deal with it. I sat and calculated and I should be fine on hours which is good. It's one less thing for me to stress about.

Second: doctor's appointment. I went to the doctor this week because my body started breaking out in my awful rash again. It doesn't itch and it doesn't hurt but it just keeps popping up. Well, the nurse practicioner looked at it and said it looked like the rash that's associated with both mono and strep so she tested me for both and both of the initial tests came back negative. She took a culture of one of the spots on my stomach and sent it off to be analyzed so I have a follow up appointment on Thursday to get the results. I don't know what's wrong with me but right now it's clearing up which is a good thing so we'll see what the results say this week.

Third: running! So the marathon is one week from TODAY! I can't believe that a year of training has come down to one week. This is a very slow paced week training wise. I only have to do two miles tomorrow and two miles Wednesday. I can't believe Denise, Beth, and I have made it through a year of training. I'm sooo excited to pick Beth up at the airport on Friday and then to cross that finish line together next Sunday. We made it!! I can't wait to put that 13.1 sticker on my car after the race is over!

Finally: the boy. We went on a second date last night which went so well, hence my all smiles entry from late last night. Well, today I woke up and I just don't feel right. I spent a lot of time in prayer at church this morning and I really feel like God is telling me no on this one. There are many red flags being raised for me, as much as I do enjoy spending time with him and talking to him. After several more conversations after our long heart to heart last week, I feel like we're just not on the same page and right now we're at two different places in our lives. I just honestly don't think it'll be fair of me to keep going out on dates with him when I know it just doesn't feel right.

I need someone who is spiritually going to be on my level, someone I can go to church with and pray with and go to Bible study with, someone who genuinely loves the Lord and wants to seek Him first in all we do and I just don't get that vibe from Don. I feel like he takes an interest in what I have to say about my volunteer work with my youth girls but I don't think he has any interest in the spiritual side of it, regardless of how much I bring it into conversation.

He's a fun person to be around, but right now, it just doesn't feel right. I don't want to disobey what I know God is telling me to do so I need to walk away now before either one of us gets hurt. I have talked to several friends about this who are spiritually grounded and I feel like this is the right decision for me to make. As much as it sucks in the moment to have to make this decision, I know God is going to bless it tremendously because I'm choosing to listen to where He is directing me instead of following my head and heart on this one. Now I just need to figure out how to have this conversation after telling him last night what a good time I had with him.

*sigh* Please pray for my heart in the upcoming week or two as I try to figure out how to best approach this situation and pray that God moves through me as I follow where He is directing me.

Note to self

Note to self:

Update on doctor's appointment, school, and tonight's second date.

Going to bed all smiles tonight. I love it.

Trust

I stepped out on a limb tonight and put my heart out on the line. This week has been full of so many doubts and uncertainties which I hinted at in the previous post. I still don't plan to elaborate but what I will share is that I had a long talk tonight with one of my best friends from college about what was going through my head. At Lauren's urging, I stepped outside of my comfort zone and stepped out on faith and had a long talk with Don about some fears and doubts I was having, only to find out that we're on the exact same page.

I also brought up the conversation about my faith and just exactly how big of a role it plays in my life. We had a long talk about what he believes and he told me that he wants to start going to church again regularly, something he admires about me. He told me he was glad that I was honest with him because it helps him to know that we're on the same page too about what it is we're both hoping to get from this and where we want to go from here.

After all the seriousness had passed, I asked him where we went from here and he said another date! I told him I would love to and jokingly asked "So when are you taking this pretty girl out again?" and he told me soon! You can imagine the smile on my face right now...!

I feel a thousand times better now that we've had this conversation. I had myself completely freaked out this week thinking he was a typical guy after one thing and one thing only and now, while part of me is still scared and unsure, I feel differently. I told him I want to move extremely slow and see how things progress and he told me he's okay with that fact.

I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know what the future holds, but I feel at peace about how tonight went. God definitely moved in me as I was sharing my heart and my thoughts tonight and I feel a lot better knowing that we're now both on the same page about things. I'm looking forward to where things will go from here and trusting God to continue to direct me down the path He has set for me.

First date

I've been putting off writing this entry because I started to have some doubts about how I was feeling about this whole dating thing and tonight I decided I don't want to dwell on it and I kind of want to just wait it out and see what happens. I had some serious freak out moments over the weekend last weekend in Athens which led to a conversation via text messages at 4:30 in the morning on Saturday night after a glass of wine on an empty stomach and I think since then I've just freaked myself out. Sorry this part is vague but I'm just not ready to write about it yet. My best friends know about my freak out moments and we'll just leave it at that.

So the first date went really well. I had myself kind of worked up about it to the point that as I was driving to the date, I almost turned around and went back home. Luckily I talked to Megan as I was driving who kept me calm enough that I made it to Newport in one piece. Go figure it was raining buckets on a night that we had planned a date night on the river! I met Don in front of the movie theater as we had planned and he could tell that I was nervous. He instantly tried to make me comfortable and tried to put me at ease by making me laugh, for which I was grateful. I had been so nervous when we first sat down that I had my menu open in front of me and couldn't even look at him!

We talked and laughed all during dinner and after dinner decided we wanted to go for a walk. Well, of course it was still raining so we just walked right across the Levee to Barnes and Noble where we had hot chocolate and sat at a table by the window overlooking the city and just talked. By this time I was (almost) completely relaxed and I could tell he was getting comfortable too because he wasn't afraid to tickle me or poke me and things like that. It made me the slightest bit uncomfortable because we still don't know each other that well but I'm glad he felt comfortable enough with me to tease me that way.

At one point he yawned which made me laugh but then I started yawning and once I started yawning I just couldn't stop. He knew I had worked all day and that I had driven in from Athens the day before and went straight to church for youth stuff so he knew I was tired. He insisted we end the night so I could go home and get some sleep, which I thought was really sweet. He told me he didn't want me falling asleep as I drove home so he walked me to my car which is where things got awkward. I could tell he wanted to kiss me good night as we stood there and I'm so glad he didn't because I'm not sure I would have been ready for that. Instead, we did the whole awkward good night hug and then left.

He had told me to text him when I got home safely so I did and he told me that he had had a good time and that he wanted to take me out again, to which I agreed. We had had such a good time that I had been looking forward to a second date. Well, this week our conversations kind of dwindled off to the point that until earlier this afternoon, I hadn't talked to him since Tuesday afternoon and even then it was only about a ten minute conversation. I think it's where my doubts started to come from and by today I had decided that I wasn't going to text him or talk to him unless he talked to me first. Well, imagine my surprise when he text me as I was driving home from work just to tell me he hoped I was having a good day.

I still don't know what to think. There are still some uncertainties for me and we need to talk about things like his spiritual beliefs (which for me is a make it or break it factor) and then some of my freak out moments which stem from good reasons, which I eventually will share but don't want to think about and dwell on right now. We've been chatting on and off all evening again after him not really talking to me all week so I just don't know what to think.

Do you all remember the rash I had a couple of weeks ago? Well, I'm starting to think that it's stress or anxiety induced because today at work I started breaking out again. I have a couple of spots on my chest again, some on my arms, and I've even found a couple on my stomach and my legs this time. My mom switched detergents a couple weeks ago too so I'm wondering if that's playing into it but the spots are in such random spots that I don't think that's it. I'm going to switch back to my normal detergent and see if that helps. If it keeps spreading, I'll probably go to the clinic on campus Thursday and have them take a look at it again. I just can't figure out what could be causing it but I don't think I can take much more of it.

I also need to relax. If I can relax and stop stressing maybe my body will calm down. Between work, school, dating, and the marathon training, my body is just going crazy. I need just one day for a mental health day to de-stress and relax and try to keep my body in line.

Alright, I need to go get some sleep. I fell asleep for an hour or two right after work this afternoon but had to wake myself up to get my homework done so now I'm going to go sleep because I have to be up semi-early (for me anyway!) to drive to Columbus with my aunt for my cousin's dance competition. Good night!

Teaser

Alright...teaser time. The first date went so well! I had an amazing time and we've decided we definitely want to go out again soon.

That's all you get for tonight because I just got back from a four mile training run at the gym (t-minus 19 days and counting until the half marathon!!) and I'm sweaty and gross and need to shower and get ready for bed.

Good night!

A long awaited update

I've been blogging about this on another site, one where I could control who could read it and who could not read it. I've been waiting to write about it here because I needed to share it with a certain person in person first because he reads my blog.

I met someone about four weeks ago. We actually met online on a dating website, something I never thought I'd do. I signed up on a whim for a free trial and then joined for a month. A day or two after I joined, I started e-mailing with a guy who lives about 20 minutes from where I live. We e-mailed every night for about two and a half weeks before he finally asked for my phone number. Since then, we've been texting every night and we're finally going out on a date tomorrow night.

I genuinely like this guy. I know we haven't met yet, but we've had these incredible conversations and we have so much in common. I'm looking forward to meeting him in person tomorrow night and seeing if we click in person the way we have over text messages.

I haven't slept for more than five hours a night in over a week because we've been staying up so late talking to each other. Friday night into Saturday was the first time I've really slept because I'm in Athens and I just stayed in bed all day yesterday while Vince was working. When we're not talking, I'm thinking about him. It's crazy how this has all played out.

I honestly am terrified right now. I'm terrified this is going to go somewhere and terrified I'm not going to know what to do about it. Plus, there are a couple of major issues he and I need to talk about, issues that came up at 4 in the morning over a text message last night that I told him I wanted to talk about in person. We'll just say that potentially we're going to have to draw some boundaries.

Ugh, my life has gotten so complicated in the last three weeks but at the same time, I've been loving every moment of it. Does that make me crazy??

Three and a half weeks?!?

As of tonight, we're officially three and a half weeks out from the half marathon! I officially registered for the half the other night, which is awesome and terrifying at the same time! I can't believe a year of training has come down to the home stretch!

I skipped my 11 mile run this past weekend because of my stupid allergic reaction, which is FINALLY fading. I thought it was never going to go away but I haven't itched at all today. There's some slight redness left but overall it's fading pretty well. Skipping my 11 mile run probably wasn't the smartest of ideas but I'm planning to take my running clothes to Athens with me this weekend and I'm going to attempt to do my 12 mile run since Athens is hilly. That'll be the perfect combination of mileage and hill training.

Beth booked her flight to Cincinnati yesterday! After ten years (maybe more??) of being friends (we met through open diary WAY back in the day) we're finally going to meet in person! She's also registered for the half and we're going to pace together which will be so fun. I'm excited to finally get to meet someone I consider such a dear friend. Plus, what a better bonding experience than running for 13 miles together right?!?

I'm getting soooo excited for the race!! Since I'm officially registered, it's becoming real. I had an incredible four mile run last night and I have to do seven tomorrow. I told Beth today that since I pulled out 9.3 for the Heart Mini a couple of weeks ago that I'm fairly confident at my ability to pull out four more miles in three weeks. I've been training for this and I know my body is capable of running 13.1 miles. Even if I have to walk part of it, I WILL finish! I can't believe this is it. T-minus 25 days and counting!!!

Allergic reaction

I swear, this has been the WORST year ever for me health wise. Since I started training for the Pig, I've dealt with various injuries and sicknesses and I think this one tops them all. Since I had strep a few weeks ago, they put me on a pretty heavy dose of amoxicillin. Well, I never knew (until after the fact) that when you're on antibiotics, your body reacts differently to the sun. Vince and I spent the whole day on the river and I ended up sunburnt. The sunburn slowly turned into a rash that we thought was just a reaction to being in the sun while on antibiotics.

Well, that was two weeks ago and it never cleared up. In the last week, it started spreading so that the rash was no longer just on my chest where my shirt hadn't covered my skin, but all over my arms and up my neck. The only part of me that itched was my chest but I looked awful! I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided today that I was going to urgent care, especially because it was spreading.

Well, after $170 and a steroid shot, I left the doctor's office with a prescription for a cream and another antibiotic to clear everything up. It turns out I had an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin, which is good to know so I don't get put on it anymore. The worst part is the itching. I would rather be sick or in pain than deal with constant itching. It's been AWFUL for the last two weeks.

Plus, secretly, the only reason I went to urgent care today is because I have a date on Thursday and I want this to start clearing up before then. All of my shirts (except for t-shirts and hoodies) are low cut enough that they show the rash so I can't wear anything right now that exposes my skin because I hate how it looks. I'm hoping this all will help so I can wear something cute on my date. :-P

Here's my biggest gripe: I have student health insurance, which I can only use on campus. Well, I can't afford any more time off of work so I decided to say screw it today and I went to urgent care knowing I was paying out of pocket for the visit. I paid $120 for the visit, $40 for the shot, and then another $10 for the cream and the antibiotic they have me on. I think it's ridiculous that I can't use my insurance anywhere but on campus so after this quarter, I'm going to pick up private health insurance that not only will be cheaper, but will actually let me use it somewhere other than just campus.

Here's to hoping this all helps. The itching is already starting to subside a bit from the loading dose of the steroid shot which is nice so I hope this is a good sign. I just can't take this itching anymore!!