Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Bring on the final!

After three nights and a total of nine and a half hours at Starbucks, I am done with my project for Counseling Theories! It ended up being a total of 23 pages which is ridiculous but I feel confident about it, which will make up for my bombed midterm. Plus, it helped me do some studying for the final so I'm praying that I'll be okay with this final on Thursday.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks and I'm thinking about joining a new small group at church. Ours keeps shrinking since people come and go due to going back to school and I can feel God urging me to join one of the adult small groups at our church. There's a small group starting in September that's doing a Beth Moore study on the Psalms. I love Beth Moore and think that I'd grow a lot in that group. I hate the idea of leaving the young adult group because I love everyone in it but I almost feel that it's time for a change.

I don't know. I feel like there are a lot of places I need to grow and make changes in my life and as everyone knows, I don't handle change well at all. The idea of changing and branching out of my comfort zone has always scared the crap out of me but I can't stay simply because it's there. Does that make any sense?

I also have some things going on in another area of my life but it's too personal to write here where everyone can see it. Just pray for me. I hate to be so vague but it's the best I can do at the moment.

Alright, I'm off to sleep and relax. Just two more days and I get a nice four week break from school. It can't come soon enough.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Almost over

My first quarter as a grad student is almost over. Come Thursday evening I'll be completely done. Until then, all I'm going to be doing is studying and working on my project. I spent four hours at Starbucks on it last night and only got a third of the way done.

I'm sick...again. This time it's a sinus infection. I'm on antibiotics so hopefully it'll clear up soon. I feel ridiculously groggy right now and really don't want to go to work but it's only for three hours so I'm going.

I've been hanging out with my small group a lot lately. Last Sunday night we went bowling and then this past Friday night we went to play putt putt and out for ice cream. This Friday night a couple of us are going to the Reds game which should be fun. I'm excited for it. It's the one game Megan and I never miss because they play the Dodgers, which is her favorite team so she'll be in blue while the rest of us are in red. :-P

Alright, that's all I've got. I'm off to do the dishes and get ready for work. Blah.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

MIA

I'm alive. I survived my first Master's level midterm. I'm not sure I want to know the results though.

I'm still ridiculously busy. Two weeks and counting before summer quarter is over and I have a few weeks off before fall quarter starts.

I have a job interview Tuesday at UC. Crossing my fingers and praying it works out.

That's all I've got. I need to go to bed because I have to go to work for four hours tomorrow for an inservice on my day off. Yuck.

Looking forward to a fun rest of the weekend though!

Maybe a longer update coming soon.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Trust

It's been a very rough week. I've been trying all week to process everything going on in my life right now. There have been a lot of tears cried, a lot of panic attacks, and a lot of arguing with God. By the time I got to small group on Wednesday night, I was so angry with God that I almost didn't go but knew that I needed to be there.

On Monday, I found out that due to me being back in school, I wasn't going to be able to work full time at my job anymore. I went from 40 hours a week to 9 hours a week. Since I have to leave work at 3 twice a week to make it to class, they need someone who can work full time in my classroom. I was offered a 3-6 position the three days a week I'm not in class and then I'll be on the sub list which means I'd be the first person to pick up any extra hours that happen to come up due to teachers being sick or on vacation.

I left work on Monday and as I drove home, I broke down in tears. I was devestated over the fact that I felt that I was losing my position and was in hysterics about how I was going to be able to pay my bills and make it without a job. As I drove home, I kept alternating between crying and panic attacks. At one point I even thought about quitting school and I knew that wasn't an option. After the way everything fell into place to get in, I knew school was where I was supposed to be.

I spent all of Monday night crying and being angry with God over how things were working out. I cried myself to sleep Monday night because I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to make it. I went into work on Tuesday and told my boss that I would accept her position, but I also let her know that I was job searching because nine hours a week wasn't going to pay the bills.

In the week since all of this has happened, I have been so angry with God. I couldn't understand how it seemed as if everything was perfect to go back to school and then my only source of income was being cut back, especially when I had just bought a new car this summer. By Wednesday night, I was done. I told my small group that I was having a hard time trusting God and understanding what His plan for this time in my life was. Seth reminded me that God was going to answer my prayer, even if it was in the last possible hour. As he prayed over our small group, I could feel my eyes fill with tears. I could hear God telling me to trust Him, that it was all going to work out if I just let Him lead me to where He wanted me.

For the last week, I have been applying for jobs like crazy. I've looked to every possible preschool opening there is and now I'm playing a waiting game. This morning our nursery coordinator told me that come October, she may have a position for me. They need one more toddler interest for the preschool at church and they can open a toddler classroom, but they just have to wait to get the licensing from the state to open a toddler room. She told me that the teacher position would be mine and on the other days she would use me as a floater in the other classrooms.

My heart swelled as she told me this. Of course I'm going to continue job searching but she also gave me a job lead for right here in West Chester that I'm going to try and look into. As I left the nursery to go to Sunday school, I could feel God urging me to continue trusting. The service this morning also talked about trusting God to turn our "what ifs" into "but yes Lord." The music, the sermon-everything spoke right to me. It was like God was hitting me on the head going, "Heather, I've brought you this far. I'm not going to let you fall."

After the service, Jenny and I got the chance to talk in private and she told me about a situation that she's gone through in the past year that made her angry with God and question her trust but that God brought her through it stronger than ever. It was such an encouragement for me and a reminder that God is going to bring me through this, even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I just need to continue trusting Him.

I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm sure there will be more tears and more panic attacks but I know I'm going to be okay. God didn't bring me this far to drop me. He's got a plan for my life, a plan I need to allow Him to work out. It's just going to take some time. Until then, I'll be praying and waiting. That's all I can do.