Periods of transition

I decided to start a blog on blogspot because it seems as if all of my friends are transitioning to here, as some of the other places I've blogged have become unreliable as of lately. I also thought that with all the changes happening in my life, maybe a change in my blogging world would be best as well.

Lately I've found myself on this search for who I really think that I am. I've posted notes on facebook about feeling empty and unsure of my purpose and how I wasn't sure of who my friends are and where I'm going in my life. However, the more I've been digging, the more I've realized that I am who I've always been and that no amount of change in my life is going to change that.

After I graduated in the spring from OU, I found myself thrown into my first real world job. I thought it was going to be the perfect fit because I had had an incredible internship. I told myself that it didn't matter that I was going to be working with an age group I've never really enjoyed or that part of my responsibilities were going to be office work. All I cared about was the fact that it was with the same agency I had interned for and I was so excited to share that they had liked me so much they hired me.

However, I quickly discovered that I truly didn't like my job at all. In fact, at times I found that I downright hated it. I loved my clients that I worked with and quickly became attached to several of them. However, I had never wanted to do office work and hated that I had agreed to that as part of my job. After four months on the job, I decided it was time to find something else.

As I job searched, I started thinking about where my passions were and I remembered that I loved kids and had always wanted to work with kids. I interviewed with a local preschool and found myself hired on the spot. For the past three weeks, I have loved every moment of going to work and find myself eager to walk into my classroom and see the faces of kids I've already become attached to. My co-workers are amazing and I'm already beginning to form friendships and love that we hang out outside of work, something that I never experienced at my former job.

With that change also comes the change of school. Leaving OU and entering the real world was culture shock for me. It's weird to think of my friends still going to class and doing homework and papers and studying while I work five days a week and enjoy my weekends to myself. I've found myself yearning to go back and even spent a good chunk of my time this fall running to OU on the weekends, thinking it would fill some of the emptiness inside of me. Instead, I realized I had only been fooling myself.

Now, I'm applying for graduate programs and am actually taking the GRE on Monday morning. I kept telling myself I only wanted to go to OU, that while I was applying to other programs, OU was my top choice. The more I think about it, the more I know that my time at OU is over. I'm still going to apply but I think given a choice between OU and somewhere near home, I'm probably going to stay here. I missed out on so much for the five years I was in Athens and I think it's time to experience life with my family and best friends again. Athens will always hold a dear spot in my heart and since I have friends still at school there, I can visit but my time as an OU student is over. (I say this now but I know that when acceptance and/or rejection letters start rolling in I could be singing a different tune!)

My life is constantly changing but as the changes happen, I've learned to roll with the punches. I have an amazing support system, people who love me and care about me and only want what's best for me. Ultimately it's up to me to make the decisions that will affect my life but I know that I have people who stand behind me who will never let me fall.