I. Am. Crazy.

I've decided I'm officially crazy. Are you all ready for my announcement? I'm sure no one is going to be surprised (other than myself and even I'm not that surprised at what I've decided...)

I've decided I'm officially going to train for the 2012 Flying Pig Half Marathon. Again. I told myself after all of the health issues I've had over the summer with my psoriasis and what not that I wasn't going to train for anything big this year but let's face it...we all saw this coming. Running has gotten into my blood. I can't run away that easily. Ha! I just made a funny!

Anyway...so yes. Here is my announcement to the world. Time to keep me on track friends. Check in with me every couple of weeks and see how my running is coming. I'm going to do it right this time and actually cross train so I'll be doing other workouts other than just running. Maybe that will help my stamina. We'll see.

First goal of the training process: Little Miami Panther Prowl 5k on August 20th!! It'll be the anniversary of my first 5k (not the actual date, but just the race itself) so I'm pumped to run this one. Since I haven't run since the Pig, it'll be more of a walk/jog but that's okay. I can handle it. I'm just excited to get back out there.

I must have left what was left of my sanity at the finish line on May 1st. That's okay. I love running and I love the confidence it gives me so I say....bring it on! Flying Pig Half Marathon 2012 here I come!!

For now, it's bedtime. :-P

I will worship You

I heard this song in church this morning and it gave me chills. I can not pick a more perfect song for this season in my life right now. Through the dark times, the good times, and the unsure times, I choose to worship the One who has given me life, the One who will never let me down and will never break my heart.

When I struggle to remember that I'm not alone and that God has brought me to this season in my life for a reason, this is the song I will come back to. Yes, the loneliness and uncertainty of the future hurt, but I know God has a purpose for everything and that He is never going to let me fall.

My biggest struggle is giving God my heart and letting Him lead my love story, trusting that He has a plan. I've had my heart broken so many times in the past that it's become easier to put a wall up and to not let anyone in. I learned tonight from my best friend, the person who has always been there and reminded me of God's promises, that it's okay to let others in, as long as I'm keeping God at the center of my life and my future love story. By keeping my heart in check and keeping God at the center, my heart won't be broken. His love is all I need.

I don't know what His plan for my future is. I don't know if He has a husband or kids in my future and I need to learn to be okay with that. His plan for my life is far greater than my own, even when it hurts. The loneliness hurts but through it, I've learned to grow and depend on the One who will always be there when everyone else falls away. This life isn't about me. It's about the Creator who gave me life, the One who leads me in everything I do.

Yes, I desire marriage and kids and a family and everything it entails but I need to trust God to work all of that out in His time. I have always been told that God will fulfill the desires of your heart, so long as you are following Him and trusting Him to work out His plan for your life. That's what I need to remember. I don't need to shut the world out and the hope of my own love story someday so long as I allow God to keep working in my life.

What an amazing reminder of His love and His promises this song gives. When I'm broken and scared and I feel like I can't possibly handle any more, I know He will always be there to pick up the pieces of my heart and my life. He will restore my soul and give me the strength I need. His love is all I need.


I Will Worship You
Aaron Gillepsie

When I’m losing,
When I’m broken
When I’m sinking like a stone
And it feels like I’m alone
I will worship You

When I’m so scared,
Life is unfair
When I’m tired and lose my way,
When I’m feeling so ashamed
I will worship You

You are the anchor to my soul,
Draw me to You and don’t let go
Only Your love can make me whole
Jesus, I worship You
Jesus, I worship You

When I’m dancing,
When I’m hopeful
When I’m feeling mercy’s hand
And I’m living life again
I will worship You

When chains are broken,
When healing is coming
When Your forgiveness floods my heart,
This is my brand new start
I will worship You

You are the anchor to my soul,
Draw me to You and don’t let go
Only Your love can make me whole
Jesus, I worship You
Jesus, I worship You

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, our God reigns

You are the anchor to my soul,
Draw me to You and don’t let go
Only Your love can make me whole
Jesus, I worship You
Jesus, I worship You
Jesus, I worship You

Food for thought

I've had a lot on my mind recently in every aspect of my life and decided maybe blogging would be the best outlet for it. I encourage any and all feedback as long as it's respectful. I'm genuinely full of questions and am searching for answers and encouragement to try and answer them all. I'll start with the less serious stuff first and then move on to the deeper areas I've got questions about.

1. Finances
I am the worst  money manager ever. I vow every year as part of my new year's resolutions that this is the year I will make a budget and stick to it and somehow I find myself living paycheck to paycheck or counting on my financial aid money. After this coming school year, I'm not going to have that to rely on any longer so I need to stop depending on it now. Yes, it's good to have it and stick it in savings incase something happens, but I can't keep counting that as part of my regular income.

With my plan to move to Denver next summer, I need to start to establish some sort of savings account and I need to pay off my credit cards. For those of you who take care of the family finances, what are your tips for staying on a budget, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc.? Do you use any kind of program to help you keep track or do you just use your checkbook? I'm all ears in this department because I've got nothing.

2. Cooking
I told my mom I want to teach myself to cook before I move to Denver next summer. As you all know, I'm the world's pickiest eater so quite honestly, my dinners a lot of times consist of switching off between peanut butter sandwiches, spaghetti with jar sauce, soup, tacos, and anything I can put in the oven/microwave. I love things like mashed potatoes and beef stew and even homemade spaghetti sauce but I have no idea where to even begin to make them myself. I also like burgers and steaks and what not but don't know the first thing about either grilling them or cooking them on the stove. Help! Recipes and tips are encouraged, especially for desserts! haha

3. Weight loss
Thanks to my psoriasis, I haven't been able to work out since the end of May. I have a gym bag packed and ready to go for tomorrow when I get off of work since I've been getting off early so I'm headed to do some cardio and strength training. What are some of your favorite workouts? What are tips for getting the weight off and keeping it off? If I could figure out how to cut the pop out of my diet I would be golden but the caffeine withdrawals are awful! I usually end up caving after about a day of no caffeiene. :-/ I drink a ton of water at work but I usually have some kind of caffeine either first thing in the morning or during my lunch break. If I could train my body to not need it, I know it would be so good for me. I just can't get my mind past the thought that I need caffeiene to survive when I know I really don't.

Realisitically, I'd love to lose three pounds a month, which seems to be pretty average but I'm just stuck at a plateau and can't get over it. I've actually put back on about 10 pounds since I wasn't able to work out and then eating all the time in Denver. I feel so uncomfortable in my body again and all of the smaller size jeans I bought now are too small again. I refuse to buy bigger pants so the weight is just going to have to come off. I just don't know where to start.

4. Spirituality
This is the big one for me. I actually think I'm going to save this entry for tomorrow or later in the week because I want to do some reading before I post the thoughts I'm having. As a teaser and a reminder, I want to remind myself to touch on the idea of three heavens, sexuality, sleeping vs. going to heaven, salvation/judgment day, etc. Yes, I have a reasoning for why I'm going to write about all of this but like I said, I want to do some reading before I post my thinking on these subjects and where they all came from.

I think that's it for right now. I promise a bigger entry on the spiritual issues later this week but any advice on the first three topics is very much welcomed because I need it, especially in the finance area. It's time for some big changes and a new adventure. I'm so ready!

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto

This past week has been ridiculously crazy and busy and the weekend ended up being much the same so I decided to wait until today to update since I knew I'd be getting off of work early. This will be pretty lengthy with big stuff scattered in the middle so you actually have to read it to find out the news. ;-)

My drive home from Colorado was...entertaining and emotional. I broke down in tears as soon as I pulled out of the driveway of the boy's house and it took me about 20 minutes to actually get myself under control. I would be good for a couple of hours and then the tears would start again. Leaving Denver broke my heart in half. I didn't expect it to hurt so much but it did.

When I wasn't crying, well, I was getting lost. haha...Typical of course. For anyone who has never driven across the country let me inform you of one thing: there is NOTHING in Kansas. For miles. NOTHING! I was just under a half of a tank of gas at one point and thought for sure I'd be fine for awhile. Oh no...it emptied out quicker than I expected and of course there are no convenient gas stations anywhere in the distance. I had to recalculate my gps to find me the closest gas station and I went on an off highway adventure that took me a good 20 minutes out of my way just to find gas. Once I found it, I found myself driving through small town America, which literally was so tiny they didn't even have need for a traffic light. Oh yes, I'm so serious. People sitting on their front porches were STARING at me and my Ohio license plates as I drove towards the gas station. And of course I have no cell phone reception because I'm in the middle of nowhere so I had to wait an HOUR before I could call my mom and call Mike and tell them about my adventure. It was so ridiculous but so entertaining. Definitely a story I'll have to tell for years.

I have been an emotional wreck in the week since I've been home. I miss my Denver family so much, even though I love being back with my family and my friends. It doesn't help that a couple of my friends are upset with me for a decision I've made. Are you all ready for this??

I'm moving to Denver. I know I've been talking about it for awhile but it's going to happen. After I'm done with school in June, I'm going to quit my job and take the last couple of weeks to tie up loose ends in Ohio and then my plan is to be in Denver by July 1st. Since I'm going out in March for spring break, my hope is to interview like crazy the week I'm out there and find someone who will hold a position for me until I move out there.

If I can't find someone who will hold a position for me, my plan is to apply for my subbing license, something I'm going to start the process on in November. This way, come fall of 2012, I can get myself into districts around the Denver metro area and then have connections for when school counseling positions open. This is all if I can't find a school counseling job right away of course. My plan is to hopefully have a counseling job lined up by the time I move out there in July. I'll of course find a job to get me through the summer (I'm going to need to!) and then come fall I hope to be in a district somewhere.

I'm also going to look into preschool jobs, since that's what I currently do. I don't want to teach preschool anymore after this but if I want to move to Denver, then I have to be willing to take what I can get until I find the job I want. I'm also going to put my resume out there on different career websites and look into using my social work background as well. My hope is that something will pan out so that I can be in Denver next summer.

I know a lot can change in a year but I want this...badly. I have never wanted something as much as I want this move to Denver. It has several of my friends upset but my reaction to that is they'll get over it. My friendships with Denise and Diana and Irene are still as solid as they've ever been, even after moving away. Yes, it's tough but true friends make it through and support each other through everything. If this doesn't work out, then the worst that happens is I move home and find a job in Cincinnati. I'm never going to know if I can make it on my own if I don't try it. I want to do this. I want to break out of my comfortable Ohio bubble and see what else is out there. I want a chance to do something for me for once.

It's not going to be easy to leave Cincinnati. I know that. The day I pull out of my driveway for the last time to start the drive west next summer I'll be in tears. Mike has warned me that the first year away from everything you know is tough. But the difference between me and him? They moved out there not knowing anyone. I have a built in support system already. No, that still doesn't make it easy but it will help. I can do this. I want to do this. I know it won't be easy but I'm ready for the adventure.

Now, on to lighter topics. I'm throwing my sister a baby shower on August 28th! I'm a little nervous because I've never thrown a baby shower before but I think it'll be fun. Her friend Liz is helping me so at least I'm not doing it all alone. I can't believe my sister is halfway through this pregnancy already. I feel like she was just telling me she was pregnant and now she's halfway through! Crazy!

School is going well. I'm starting in on my independent study and studying for my comps exam. I don't expect to pass the first time around but at least it'll give me a feel for what it'll be like. I'm actually at the library now and I'm supposed to be studying but instead I'm updating this. Whoops. haha

The other biggest news: most of my psoriasis has cleared up! Being in Denver in the sun and the dry air for two weeks did wonders for my skin. My upper back, arms, and legs are pretty clear, minus a few spotty patches on the bottoms of my legs. My lower back and stomach still look awful. I need to expose them more to the sun. My plan is to join a tanning bed and go once or twice a week for a few minutes at a time to keep it under control. I really don't want to be on meds for it so if I can clear it up with just tanning and sun exposure, I'm all for it. And don't worry...yes I will be careful with it. Save the lectures on the dangers of tanning. I've gotten enough of them lately. :-P

I think that about does it for a major update for me. I need to get back to studying or at least researching until I head to Tym and Amy's for dinner. If anyone has any suggestions on moving/job applying tips or psoriasis care, I'm all ears. I need all the suggestions I can get!

Reminders

I know I haven't updated since the end of my vacation in Denver so I'm promising a real update this weekend. Here are reminders to myself on what I need to update on.

--My drive home from Colorado, including my little off the highway adventure through podunk town Kansas looking for gas.
--My emotional meltdowns this week since being home
--Baby shower plans
--Moving to Denver plans, including subbing license, preschool jobs, etc. along with my timeline for what I'm thinking.
--School update
--Health update (psoriasis, etc.)

I think that's it. See you all this weekend!