I've been playing around with various blog topics for the last several nights but decided to start with this one after an impromptu shopping trip tonight. (No worries though because I have several started on paper that I'll get around to sharing in the next few days.)
My best friend and I decided to go for ice cream tonight and then afterwards, we popped into a clothing store, one of my favorites but that I don't shop at very often because it's on the more expensive side. I was there to share feedback on what she was trying on and ended up picking up several tank tops and a dress to try on. Then, I came across this beauty.
I'm not one to go for these type of dresses because I typically think they look better on the hanger than on me. That had been the case with both tank tops and the first dress I tried on. Imagine my surprise when this dress fit just right, as if it had been designed just for me! I kept staring at myself in the mirror, having the hardest time comprehending the image that stared back at me.
I have always struggled with my self-esteem and my body. Growing up with a father who was verbally abusive made it impossible for me to believe that I was beautiful. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't tell me that I wasn't good enough, that no one would ever love me or want to marry me because I wasn't beautiful enough. During my teen years, especially when we first moved to Cincinnati, I struggled with never feeling like I measured up. All of the girls around me at school (at least in my mind) looked like they had just stepped off of a movie set. They were skinny, beautiful, and popular-all the things I knew I would never be. It wasn't until I met one of my best friends and she invited me to church that I was able to start breaking myself of these thoughts. Giving my life to Christ taught me that my self-worth wasn't about the outer appearance, but was about my inner beauty.
As I've grown in my faith over the last 11 years, I've learned that until I learn to love myself, no one will ever be able to fully love me. I am the one who jeopardizes every friendship and relationship because in my mind, I will never measure up. I had my first serious relationship almost two years ago and it was the first time that I ever felt beautiful and worthy. Here was someone who genuinely cared about me for me and didn't make me feel as if I had to change to capture his attention. After we broke up, some of my friends gently reminded me that even though our relationship didn't last, it taught me that there are people who genuinely see me for me and who think I'm beautiful just the way I am, not the way society expects me to be.
I've spent the last year and a half growing steadily in my faith and what I read in the Bible astounds me. I am created in God's image. That means that every time I get down on myself and how I look, I am criticizing and denouncing God for who He created me to be. He thinks I am beautiful and perfect. He knitted me inside my mother's womb and knows the very number of hairs on my head. There isn't a part of me that He does not love. If that's the case, then who am I to be so hard on myself?
Self-worth comes from accepting who you are, both inside and out. It means loving every part of yourself just as God loves you. One of my favorite quotes is "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It's up to you to decide your self-worth and where it comes from. Society, friends, family, coworkers, etc. are NOT the people who decide what makes you beautiful. Your beauty comes from within and with it, comes your self-worth. God created YOU in HIS image and He thinks you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. Who are you to argue with that fact?
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