2013...the year of challenges

I used to love blogging and now, I can't even find the time (or motivation) to sit down to type out an entry. Ever since coming home for Haiti, I've been all about living in the moment and truly living and experiencing my life, not just recording it. There's so much going on though, that I want to use my blog as my way of looking back on this year and the challenges I'm bringing to myself.

After college, I opened up my first ever credit cards. Since then, I've learned the hard way just how awful they can be and how quickly you can get yourself into trouble with them. During grad school, I had some unexpected expenses that popped up and with working limited hours, a lot of those expenses went on my cards. Now, I'm working hard to pay all of them off, most of which ended up in collections because I was barely working and couldn't pay them. I officially paid off the first card two weeks ago and have payment plans set up for all but one (which is frustrating because no matter how often I call, they won't call me back to set up a payment plan...ugh). I'm also working to get lowered payments on my student loans and it has never felt so good to see all of my money go to bills because it means my debt is slowly shrinking. My student loans will take FOREVER to be paid off because I have over $100k in student loan debt (yeah I don't want to discuss it :-/ ) but I just keep telling myself that every little bit helps.

I've been learning what it means to make and stick to a budget and I'm getting fairly good at it. I make grocery lists before I leave the house so I'm not impulse buying, all of my bills get paid before I allow myself to spend any extra money, I've been trying to plan meals to eat at home so I don't eat out very often, and any "extra" money that's not from my paycheck goes into an envelope for my vacation fund. My family is headed to Disney and Vero Beach this summer and I want to be able to fully afford it so babysitting, tutoring, and any extra money I get does not get accounted for in the budget. I have never been very good at not spending money so the fact that I've been saving for a month and haven't touched a dime of the vacation money is a good thing for me. (And for you super money conscious people who I know do the Dave Ramsey plan and are about to tell me it should go towards my debt snowball-keep your comment. I don't mean that harshly but yes I realize the money could go to "better" things, but I haven't been on vacation with my family in years and this is my way of being able to fund it myself.) I always tell myself that if it's not in the budget and it can't come out of my paycheck, then it's not important enough to buy right now.

I get paid tomorrow and I have to head to the bank so I'm planning on opening up a savings account. I want to be able to shift some of what's left over after paying bills into my savings so I can have something to fall back on. Plus, I REALLY need new tires on my car and probably a tune up, so if I stick the money in my savings, I'll have it. I'm planning on using some of my tax refund for vacation and for new running shoes (see further down) but the majority of it will go into savings so I have stuff to fall back on should something happen and I need it.

Since Haiti, I feel as if I've grown tremendously. My words for 2012 were strength and growth. I spent all last year praying and seeking out ways for the Lord to grow me and strengthen my walk with Him. Going to Haiti was a huge part of that because I had to learn to pull my strength from the Word and my friends to truly believe that the support was going to come in. I learned how strong I could be when I leaned on my faith and how much I would grow when I chose to lay down who I was for who God was calling me to be.

For the third year in a row, I’ve chosen a word instead of goals (though I do have some goals I’ve set anyway haha). My word for 2013 came during a New Year’s Eve sermon at church on surrender. I had been praying about it for weeks and after that one sermon, I started hearing the word surrender everywhere. I knew then that that’s what I needed to do this year. 2013 is all about surrendering my pride and my plans for plans that are far greater than my own. With laying down my pride, it means setting aside my stubbornness and realizing that it’s okay to ask for help! We are not meant to do life alone and the people in my life are going to love me regardless of some of my stupid choices.

I think one of my last updates was about Teach for America. I found out that I didn’t get in on the same day that I also gained weight during a weigh in for our biggest loser challenge at work. I let myself sulk for a couple of hours and then after much time spent thinking and praying about it, I realized that God just isn’t done with me here yet. I honestly can’t see myself living anywhere but Cincinnati, especially since my family and my best friends are here. I’m mentoring two amazing youth girls that I love dearly, and I’m a youth sponsor for a group of kids that I am crazy about. Plus, I have finally connected with a small group that I love and is helping me to grow and I’m just not ready to walk away from any of that right now. I’m still looking for school counseling jobs for next year and I know that regardless of what happens, this is where I’m meant to be right now.

My biggest challenge right now is that for the first time ever, I’ve decided to give something up for Lent. Typically, I take something on because I can never make myself sacrifice something I love but this year, with the idea of surrendering on my mind, I decided to prove to myself that I could do it. I went to Haiti for crying out loud! If I spent 10 days overseas living off of crackers and peanut butter, then I can certainly sacrifice something I love for six weeks to focus on my relationship with the Lord. So with all of that on my mind, I decided to give up pop for Lent. I decided it would be good for me health wise too because it’s nothing but empty calories and sugar that I just don’t need. I get a shot of caffeine in the morning from crystal light packets and then drink water the rest of the day at work. The first two days have been rough because I was drinking at least two cokes a day at work so obviously I’m not drinking as much caffeine, which is killing my mood. I feel bad for anyone who has had to deal with my crankiness the last couple of days!

I also decided if I’m giving something up, then I am also taking something on. I plan to hit the gym at least three times a week, along with spending at least 15-30 minutes a day in the Word. I want these next six weeks to be a time for health, growth, and refreshment. I want to walk away from this time of reflection and growth stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. Christ sacrificed so much by dying on the cross for me. The least I can do is sacrifice part of my day for Him.

Some other challenges I've set for myself for this year other than finances and my spiritual life are to just be healthy. Setting my goal of three times a week at the gym during Lent is going to make it a habit that will stick long after Lent is over, which is a good thing. My friend Ron from my small group at church is a personal trainer and he's been encouraging me like crazy the last couple of weeks by commenting on my statuses when I go to the gym, "liking" my check-ins at the gym, and asking me how my workouts are. This Sunday he's going to help me figure out numbers on body fat vs. lean body mass and all of that fun stuff. It's kind of fun having a personal trainer friend, though it makes it harder to get away with not going to the gym. :-P

My friend and fellow Disney addict Andrea and I are planning on running the 2014 princess half marathon at Disney World next year. I've been saying FOREVER that I'm done with running and that you couldn't pay me to run again after I spent over a year training for the last half marathon I ran and then she pulled me right back in with two little words: Disney World. *sigh* I have decided that I'm going to take a little bit of my tax refund money and splurge on new running shoes. I need new workout shoes anyway because my old ones are shot. They offer no support and the last few times I've come home from the gym after an intense workout with feet that hurt from the lack of support and rubbing hot spots on my toes. It's definitely time for new shoes which means a trip to my favorite running store soon! :)

For once, I feel truly content in where I am. I have my moments where I mumble and grumble, but truly, 2012 was a huge year of growth for me. I never would have expected that I would be okay with where my life is right now but I am. I'm ready for 2013 and whatever challenges and experiences this year is going to bring. :)