Seven years ago, I was given a diagnosis that I thought was the end of my life as I knew it. I never thought I would be where I am right now, trusting God to make me whole and letting Him use this diagnosis to make me chase after Him with reckless abandon.
I never expected when I made the switch to Crossroads for my life to be turned upside down. I never expected to see prayers I had been praying for over 10 years start to be answered. I don't know what I expected, but it certainly hasn't been all the incredible things I've seen in the past seven and a half months. It amazes me that even as I tried SO hard to run away my first couple of months at Crossroads that God continued to pursue me relentlessly.
During the Christmas season, I typically struggle with loneliness and trusting that God's plans for my life are far greater than my own. I could be sitting in a room full of people and still feel like I'm by myself. I tend to shut people out and keep everything bottled up inside of me. I look at the people around me, my friends who are happily married with kids, friends who are dating, and even strangers who are sitting in church or walking through a store holding hands and question when it's going to be my turn. I get caught up in the fact that with each year, I am still single and still childless. I struggle with being in a job that I know isn't my passion (though I do love it) and question where it is that I'm supposed to be. Lately, as my health issues have resurfaced, I question that God will ever bring along anyone who could love me despite the fact that I don't know if I can have a family of my own.
Then, about three weeks ago, I sat in a Saturday night service at Crossroads and listened to Chuck Mingo talk about light overcoming the darkness. He talked about the environment that Jesus was born into and how even though the songs talk about it being a "silent night" in a "little town of Bethlehem," it really was a culture where oppression and darkness ran rampant. For YEARS, people waited for this King, this child who would become their Savior. It was only after Jesus was born that light overcame the darkness.
At the end of his message, Chuck had the lights in the auditorium turned out and asked us to think about the darkness that we focus on in our own lives, the things that consume us and keep us from seeing the light of Christ in us and around us. He told us to think about what we make this season out to be, whether we were preoccupied with being single, with not being able to give enough gifts, and then he very specifically asked us where we were finding our fulfillment at. I sat in that dark auditorium and all I could think about was how I was caught up in my health issues and the fact that I was still single instead of looking at all the incredible things I've seen God do throughout the past 12 years of me following Him.
As I sat in that dark auditorium, I bowed my head and I let the tears fall. I told God I wanted Him to make me whole, that I trusted that His plans are far greater than my own. I know He has a purpose for this diagnosis and I want Him to make me whole according to His plan. His idea of being made whole and mine could be two completely different things. If He wants me to have a family and children, He will make it happen in His way and His timing. My job right now is to let Him work His plans into my life.
Since being at Crossroads, God is knocking down all the walls that I had erected to keep people out. He has brought me into a community of people my age, people who love me and accept me for who I am. He has given me an incredible group of women who hold me accountable and push me to chase after Jesus in a way that I could never have done at my old church. I've been taught and shown the meaning of vulnerability and love over and over and over again by these incredible people in my life. I'm learning that I can't grow and seek Jesus if I don't allow people to get close to me. I have to let people in and let them knock down the walls I've put up if I truly want to follow the Lord the way I know I'm called to do.
I walk into Crossroads and in the midst of worship, I find myself with the biggest smile on my face. It has become such a joy to worship this King who loves me SO much that He died for me. I can't take notes fast enough throughout the message and I can't say enough good things about the things happening in me and in our Crossroads community. My sister and the kids are actively attending church with me, something I have spent over 10 years praying for. God is doing incredible things throughout the five campuses of Crossroads and it is such a blessing to be part of such an amazing community of people who want to further the Kingdom.
I want to be made whole in only a way that Jesus can make me whole. I want to further the Kingdom and spread the love of Christ just like we have been commissioned to do. I want 2015 to be the year that I run after Jesus with reckless abandon, trusting that His plans will always be greater than my own.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
Living my faith out loud
As I write this, I am sitting in the middle of Panera trying to kill some time before a late babysitting job (after an already long week!). I've been wanting to write this for awhile now, but can never find the time or energy to sit down and do it, so I thought now as I sit here in reflective silence would the perfect time to do so.
Almost a year ago, one of my closest friends found himself in the midst of a major spiritual calling to step away from the church both of us had grown up in to follow God's leading him elsewhere. I one hundred percent supported him, knowing he was walking in obedience to what God wanted for his life but told myself (and him!) repeatedly that God would NEVER call me away from the only church environment that had made an impact on me. Imagine my surprise six months later when I began to feel God tugging on my heart to make a major change in my own life, one that meant leaving this church and church family I swore I would never walk away from.
My story starts all the way back in high school, when I first became a Christ follower and I began to allow my faith to impact the decisions I would make. I stumbled repeatedly for years as I struggled to understand what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ and what that looked like in my day to day life. Post college, I moved back home and threw myself into church activities. About a year after college, I found myself volunteering with the youth, something I quickly discovered I was good at. It was in those five and a half years that I truly found out what my faith meant to me and allowed God to be the one who directed my steps. I knew my job was to be an example to the youth kids, to help them grow and mature in their own faith, but for five years I grew right alongside them.
Don't get me wrong-I wasn't the perfect example. No one is perfect and I made plenty of mistakes and owned up to them. Those mistakes sharpened my faith and pushed me to be better. As my relationship with Jesus grew, so did my willingness to allow Him to lead my life. Six months after my close friend switched churches, I found myself hungry for more. I desired a community of believers my own age, people I could relate to and who were in the same life stage as me. For years it had been something I desired, but I never allowed myself to be open to the idea of going somewhere else until someone close to me showed me that it was okay to walk in obedience and that sometimes, God's plans are far greater than our own.
Back in April and May, I found myself asking a lot of difficult questions about my faith, about what the Bible had to say on those topics, and what God truly wanted for my life. I started attending Saturday night services with my friend at his new church and found myself full of questions and struggles as I walked out of those services, knowing that God was working on my heart. Around that same time, there were major leadership changes happening within my old church, making it the perfect time for me to step down from my youth volunteer position and to find out what else God potentially had in the cards for me. I would spend hours grilling my friend and then following it up with research online, followed by even more long conversations with my accountability partner.
In June, after much soul seeking, prayer, tears, and conversations with people I considered to be my spiritual mentors, I made the tough decision to switch churches and allow God to guide me where He wanted me to go. I ended up at Crossroads, a church MUCH bigger than the one I had been attending since high school. I was consistently attending Sunday services and checked out a community group of people my own age that is centered around the idea of what it means to follow Jesus and live a life of discipleship at the advice of the same friend who had convinced me to check out Crossroads. I loved Crux and I loved Crossroads but spent the summer living in fear, fear of making a mistake, fear of letting new people in, and fear that I wasn't where God intended for me to be. I even spent some time hopping between churches, which quickly wore me down spiritually and emotionally.
It wasn't until this past week when I attended a Last Wednesday service at Crossroads that I truly allowed my heart to open to the idea that this is where God wanted me to be. I knew I had been called away from my old church for a reason and that Crossroads and Crux had come into my life at the time I needed them most. I know it sounds crazy, but all of my fears and insecurities of starting over and letting new people in are gone. I am developing relationships with the people in my pod (my small group within my community group) and have even signed up for a weekend away at Lake Cumberland with them next weekend, knowing that an intimate setting outside of our small group time is just what I need to really begin to foster relationships.
It has been a tough few months, but I feel as if I am finally taking ownership of my own faith. I am hungry for the will of God and love making new discoveries of what He is asking of me. I am opening my heart and mind to possibilities and people that I never would have encountered had I never allowed God to lead me where He wanted me to be. My heart for missions and serving is going crazy right now praying over a big decision of doing a Go trip, which is Crossroads equivalent of a mission trip. Sign ups don't happen until January, but I'm fairly confident that at the end of next July, I'll be serving at Go NOLA to help with the ongoing recovery efforts from Hurricane Katrina. There are also future possibilities of going to South Africa and India in the next few years but for now I'm taking baby steps and taking each day one day at a time to see where God leads me.
It's been a long time coming, but the contentment I feel is incredible and I love the growth I am seeing in my own life. I can't wait to see what happens in the next few months as I continue to walk in obedience and faith. :)
Almost a year ago, one of my closest friends found himself in the midst of a major spiritual calling to step away from the church both of us had grown up in to follow God's leading him elsewhere. I one hundred percent supported him, knowing he was walking in obedience to what God wanted for his life but told myself (and him!) repeatedly that God would NEVER call me away from the only church environment that had made an impact on me. Imagine my surprise six months later when I began to feel God tugging on my heart to make a major change in my own life, one that meant leaving this church and church family I swore I would never walk away from.
My story starts all the way back in high school, when I first became a Christ follower and I began to allow my faith to impact the decisions I would make. I stumbled repeatedly for years as I struggled to understand what it truly meant to be a follower of Christ and what that looked like in my day to day life. Post college, I moved back home and threw myself into church activities. About a year after college, I found myself volunteering with the youth, something I quickly discovered I was good at. It was in those five and a half years that I truly found out what my faith meant to me and allowed God to be the one who directed my steps. I knew my job was to be an example to the youth kids, to help them grow and mature in their own faith, but for five years I grew right alongside them.
Don't get me wrong-I wasn't the perfect example. No one is perfect and I made plenty of mistakes and owned up to them. Those mistakes sharpened my faith and pushed me to be better. As my relationship with Jesus grew, so did my willingness to allow Him to lead my life. Six months after my close friend switched churches, I found myself hungry for more. I desired a community of believers my own age, people I could relate to and who were in the same life stage as me. For years it had been something I desired, but I never allowed myself to be open to the idea of going somewhere else until someone close to me showed me that it was okay to walk in obedience and that sometimes, God's plans are far greater than our own.
Back in April and May, I found myself asking a lot of difficult questions about my faith, about what the Bible had to say on those topics, and what God truly wanted for my life. I started attending Saturday night services with my friend at his new church and found myself full of questions and struggles as I walked out of those services, knowing that God was working on my heart. Around that same time, there were major leadership changes happening within my old church, making it the perfect time for me to step down from my youth volunteer position and to find out what else God potentially had in the cards for me. I would spend hours grilling my friend and then following it up with research online, followed by even more long conversations with my accountability partner.
In June, after much soul seeking, prayer, tears, and conversations with people I considered to be my spiritual mentors, I made the tough decision to switch churches and allow God to guide me where He wanted me to go. I ended up at Crossroads, a church MUCH bigger than the one I had been attending since high school. I was consistently attending Sunday services and checked out a community group of people my own age that is centered around the idea of what it means to follow Jesus and live a life of discipleship at the advice of the same friend who had convinced me to check out Crossroads. I loved Crux and I loved Crossroads but spent the summer living in fear, fear of making a mistake, fear of letting new people in, and fear that I wasn't where God intended for me to be. I even spent some time hopping between churches, which quickly wore me down spiritually and emotionally.
It wasn't until this past week when I attended a Last Wednesday service at Crossroads that I truly allowed my heart to open to the idea that this is where God wanted me to be. I knew I had been called away from my old church for a reason and that Crossroads and Crux had come into my life at the time I needed them most. I know it sounds crazy, but all of my fears and insecurities of starting over and letting new people in are gone. I am developing relationships with the people in my pod (my small group within my community group) and have even signed up for a weekend away at Lake Cumberland with them next weekend, knowing that an intimate setting outside of our small group time is just what I need to really begin to foster relationships.
It has been a tough few months, but I feel as if I am finally taking ownership of my own faith. I am hungry for the will of God and love making new discoveries of what He is asking of me. I am opening my heart and mind to possibilities and people that I never would have encountered had I never allowed God to lead me where He wanted me to be. My heart for missions and serving is going crazy right now praying over a big decision of doing a Go trip, which is Crossroads equivalent of a mission trip. Sign ups don't happen until January, but I'm fairly confident that at the end of next July, I'll be serving at Go NOLA to help with the ongoing recovery efforts from Hurricane Katrina. There are also future possibilities of going to South Africa and India in the next few years but for now I'm taking baby steps and taking each day one day at a time to see where God leads me.
It's been a long time coming, but the contentment I feel is incredible and I love the growth I am seeing in my own life. I can't wait to see what happens in the next few months as I continue to walk in obedience and faith. :)
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Expectations
Expectations. We have them for ourselves. We feel pressured to meet them from others. The driving question behind expectations is...what are our motives? What are the motives of others? This is the thought that's been floating through my head for the past couple of hours after dropping off a couple of my youth girls and an intense discussion we had during our car ride.
Part of me is posting this for myself, for my own accountability to my growth and my acknowledging my struggle. Part of me is posting it because I want my youth kids to learn from my past. Part of me is posting it because it's time to put a stop to the lies that Satan and society try to brainwash us with on a daily basis.
Society tells us that in order to be beautiful, we must be a skinny size 0. Our hair and makeup have to be perfect, and we have to be up to date on the latest styles and trends floating around. Women have to work twice as hard as men to be recognized for any of their success, which causes us to place unnecessary pressure on ourselves to succeed and not make mistakes. There are the expectations that we are to graduate high school, go to college, find the perfect job immediately after graduation, get married, and then start a family. If we don't do these things, or we do them out of order, then in the eyes of society, we have gone wrong somewhere.
I grew up in a household where I was told on a daily basis that I wasn't good enough. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how many A's I brought home, it wasn't good enough. I was never into sports and I preferred to spend my free time curled up with a good book or spending time with a few close friends. I was told that no one would ever love me because I wasn't skinny and beautiful enough. I worked three times as hard as my friends to prove myself to the one person who said these words to me day in and day out and no matter what I did I wasn't good enough.
The day my parents divorced was the most freeing day of my life. Some of my friends have trouble understanding why I say I love Cincinnati so much. This is the place my dreams came alive. It was the place I was finally able to breathe and begin to live my life. I flourished and I grew and before I knew it, I was able to spread my wings and fly. Turns out though, that this little bird still struggled underneath the bold new exterior she had put on.
During college, I finally came to realize just how much pain and anger I was carrying around inside. The ridiculous expectations that had been placed on me by the one person who should have loved me unconditionally led me to a counselor who turned my world upside down. It was my freshman year of college that I finally began to let go and realize that I didn't have to try so hard. My life wasn't defined by my grades, my looks, or my weight. My life was defined by my relationship with Christ and my identity that could only be found in Him. When I came to this conclusion, it was as if huge shutters had been removed from my eyes. I realized that by allowing both this person in my life and the media to feed lies into my life, that I was going to sink. It didn't matter how hard I worked or how skinny I became, if I continued to buy into these lies, I was never going to be the person I was created to be.
I write these words because I see some of my youth girls struggling with the same things that I did, and sometimes still do, struggle with. I see them using food and grades and clothing size to be the one thing in their lives they can control when everything else is falling apart. I see them falling back on the same nasty habits and patterns that I still sometimes find myself falling into. I don't want them to reach the point I did my freshman year of college where I stopped going to class and I pushed everyone away because I was depressed. I want to break those chains now and help them to understand that their identity is not found in their clothing size, their grades, or the amount of makeup they wear. Their identity is found in Christ and the peace and strength only He can give.
I write these words tonight because I am openly admitting that there are many times I still fall into these nasty thought patterns. I am human and I allow Satan to whisper to my soul and tell me that I will still never be good enough, that no matter how hard I work, I'm still going to fail. I had a conversation today with someone in my church family who has spoken so much truth and light into my life over the past six years and it was in that conversation that I was reminded that I am fully capable of anything I put my mind to and that I need to be able to prove my success and my capabilities to others. I can't just sit back and let others take control because that small voice in the back of my head is whispering that I can't do it.
My heart hurts tonight for the battles I know that some of my girls are fighting. My heart hurts that society and the media, along with the people we are closest to continue to tell us that we are not worthy and that we must be a perfect size 0, make straight A's, and that there is no room for mistakes. These lies need to be erased from our lives and we need to allow the truth of Christ to shine through. It is only in Christ that our identities are truly made. A relationship with Jesus gives us grace, gives us freedom, and reminds us that we don't have to be perfect, because He loves us just the way we are. When we begin to see ourselves through the eyes of Christ, it is only then that we see our true beauty and our true worth.
Part of me is posting this for myself, for my own accountability to my growth and my acknowledging my struggle. Part of me is posting it because I want my youth kids to learn from my past. Part of me is posting it because it's time to put a stop to the lies that Satan and society try to brainwash us with on a daily basis.
Society tells us that in order to be beautiful, we must be a skinny size 0. Our hair and makeup have to be perfect, and we have to be up to date on the latest styles and trends floating around. Women have to work twice as hard as men to be recognized for any of their success, which causes us to place unnecessary pressure on ourselves to succeed and not make mistakes. There are the expectations that we are to graduate high school, go to college, find the perfect job immediately after graduation, get married, and then start a family. If we don't do these things, or we do them out of order, then in the eyes of society, we have gone wrong somewhere.
I grew up in a household where I was told on a daily basis that I wasn't good enough. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how many A's I brought home, it wasn't good enough. I was never into sports and I preferred to spend my free time curled up with a good book or spending time with a few close friends. I was told that no one would ever love me because I wasn't skinny and beautiful enough. I worked three times as hard as my friends to prove myself to the one person who said these words to me day in and day out and no matter what I did I wasn't good enough.
The day my parents divorced was the most freeing day of my life. Some of my friends have trouble understanding why I say I love Cincinnati so much. This is the place my dreams came alive. It was the place I was finally able to breathe and begin to live my life. I flourished and I grew and before I knew it, I was able to spread my wings and fly. Turns out though, that this little bird still struggled underneath the bold new exterior she had put on.
During college, I finally came to realize just how much pain and anger I was carrying around inside. The ridiculous expectations that had been placed on me by the one person who should have loved me unconditionally led me to a counselor who turned my world upside down. It was my freshman year of college that I finally began to let go and realize that I didn't have to try so hard. My life wasn't defined by my grades, my looks, or my weight. My life was defined by my relationship with Christ and my identity that could only be found in Him. When I came to this conclusion, it was as if huge shutters had been removed from my eyes. I realized that by allowing both this person in my life and the media to feed lies into my life, that I was going to sink. It didn't matter how hard I worked or how skinny I became, if I continued to buy into these lies, I was never going to be the person I was created to be.
I write these words because I see some of my youth girls struggling with the same things that I did, and sometimes still do, struggle with. I see them using food and grades and clothing size to be the one thing in their lives they can control when everything else is falling apart. I see them falling back on the same nasty habits and patterns that I still sometimes find myself falling into. I don't want them to reach the point I did my freshman year of college where I stopped going to class and I pushed everyone away because I was depressed. I want to break those chains now and help them to understand that their identity is not found in their clothing size, their grades, or the amount of makeup they wear. Their identity is found in Christ and the peace and strength only He can give.
I write these words tonight because I am openly admitting that there are many times I still fall into these nasty thought patterns. I am human and I allow Satan to whisper to my soul and tell me that I will still never be good enough, that no matter how hard I work, I'm still going to fail. I had a conversation today with someone in my church family who has spoken so much truth and light into my life over the past six years and it was in that conversation that I was reminded that I am fully capable of anything I put my mind to and that I need to be able to prove my success and my capabilities to others. I can't just sit back and let others take control because that small voice in the back of my head is whispering that I can't do it.
My heart hurts tonight for the battles I know that some of my girls are fighting. My heart hurts that society and the media, along with the people we are closest to continue to tell us that we are not worthy and that we must be a perfect size 0, make straight A's, and that there is no room for mistakes. These lies need to be erased from our lives and we need to allow the truth of Christ to shine through. It is only in Christ that our identities are truly made. A relationship with Jesus gives us grace, gives us freedom, and reminds us that we don't have to be perfect, because He loves us just the way we are. When we begin to see ourselves through the eyes of Christ, it is only then that we see our true beauty and our true worth.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Reflections on 2013
I remember back to the days when I used to blog every day, or every couple of days. Even with nothing of importance to say other than the mundane every day stuff going on in my life, my blogging was an escape and I felt the need to capture every moment so I wouldn't forget them. Now, I live in the moment. I'm not attached to my blog or my camera the way that I used to be.
Since I turned 29 in October, it was as if something clicked that suddenly made me an "adult." I've been working hard to take the steps to get all of my finances in order. 2013 was the year that I paid off two of my credit cards and this year looks close to being the same. I'm in the process of having two of my student loans forgiven because I work in a state licensed child care center (friends who teach preschool-if you have a Perkins loan, look into their forgiveness program!) and my other loans are in a place where I can actually make payments on them. My phone doesn't ring off the hook anymore with debt collectors because everything is in repayment mode. I actually have money to live off of and while I still live paycheck to paycheck, I don't stress out about finances as much as I used to. My car will be paid off in the spring of 2015 and my final two credit cards won't be far behind.
The best part of my finances being in order is that I've been able to travel a little bit here and there. This past summer I spent a week in Disney and Vero Beach with my parents and my high school best friend, and then I also spent a week with my senior high youth kids at a conference at a college in Tennessee. 2014 also holds big adventures! Mariah and I just booked a seven night Caribbean cruise with Carnival for the week after Christmas when our preschool is closed. Three nights at sea, with stops in St. Maarten, San Juan, and Grand Turk! We're also staying the night before our cruise in Miami, which I've only ever been to once, the night before we flew out to go to Haiti two years ago. My wanderlust heart is beyond excited and I have spent the past 24 hours googling everything I can find on our ports of call, exploring the ship on Carnival's website, and dreaming of warmth since it's pretty much been snowing here in Ohio since early December, with no signs of stopping anytime soon. While it stinks to have to wait 11 months for a vacation, it will be well worth it in the end! :)
I think one of the biggest things I learned in 2013 was contentment. Throughout the majority of my 20s, I struggled with being content with God's timing and in being single. Watching friend after friend get married and start a family took a toll on my heart, but God gently reminded me that He is to be my all. His timing is perfect and His plans are way better than my own. I signed myself up for a year long Disciple Bible study that is working me through the Old Testament and shining a light into my life that I needed to see. I also joined a women's small group that meets on Thursday evenings. It was originally a four week follow up to the women's retreat I went on back in November, but we enjoyed meeting together so much that we decided to keep going with meeting on Thursday nights. We're currently talking about priorities and boundries in our lives while working through Balancing It All by Candace Cameron Bure. I've come to cherish my Thursday nights and the amazing ladies that bring so much joy to my life. It's the one place I've come to feel as if I can be real and vulnerable and they'll love me despite the messiness of life and the things I struggle with.
One of the greatest blessings to my life this year has been the youth ministry. I've been a youth sponsor since 2009, but this year I feel as if God has really been nudging me to pour my heart and soul into these kids. I currently mentor two of our senior high girls who I love dearly and spend quality time with most of the kids twice a week during youth Bible study and Sunday night worship. It's been a blessing to watch them grow together and to become a family this year, something we adults have been praying for over the past several years.
I learned this year who my friends are, the people who have surrounded me with love, grace, and joy on a daily basis. Some of them are scattered and we're separated by miles and hours, but I know all I have to do is pick up the phone or send them an email, and they'll drop everything for me. I gained one very dear friend, a coworker who has stuck by my side since summer and who probably doesn't realize how much I cherish her friendship. She has listened to me vent, I'm fairly certain she potentially has seen me cry, and she has loved me despite the ugliness of the battles we've fought together. I can't imagine what both my life and work would be like without her friendship. When I look at my life, I no longer have multiple "best friends." Instead, I have a circle of close friends, people who build me up, encourage me, and love me for who I am. We've all been together for so long that I can't imagine what life would be like without them.
I used to dread turning 29, knowing it was the end of my 20s and thinking that I was going to be old by turning 30. Instead, I look forward to this year and the exciting things I know God has planned for my life. I'm slowly learning to become okay with the fact that I may never get married (I have several friends who keep pushing me and telling me I need to move or switch churches to find a husband-not going to happen!) and I'm learning what it means to be content in who I am and who Christ calls me to be. My identity is not found in a husband, my job, or my finances. It is found in Jesus, who wants nothing more than my utmost devotion and my heart.
Here's to 2014...new adventures, better finances, and a life full of love and laugther. I can't wait to see what this year holds. :)
Since I turned 29 in October, it was as if something clicked that suddenly made me an "adult." I've been working hard to take the steps to get all of my finances in order. 2013 was the year that I paid off two of my credit cards and this year looks close to being the same. I'm in the process of having two of my student loans forgiven because I work in a state licensed child care center (friends who teach preschool-if you have a Perkins loan, look into their forgiveness program!) and my other loans are in a place where I can actually make payments on them. My phone doesn't ring off the hook anymore with debt collectors because everything is in repayment mode. I actually have money to live off of and while I still live paycheck to paycheck, I don't stress out about finances as much as I used to. My car will be paid off in the spring of 2015 and my final two credit cards won't be far behind.
The best part of my finances being in order is that I've been able to travel a little bit here and there. This past summer I spent a week in Disney and Vero Beach with my parents and my high school best friend, and then I also spent a week with my senior high youth kids at a conference at a college in Tennessee. 2014 also holds big adventures! Mariah and I just booked a seven night Caribbean cruise with Carnival for the week after Christmas when our preschool is closed. Three nights at sea, with stops in St. Maarten, San Juan, and Grand Turk! We're also staying the night before our cruise in Miami, which I've only ever been to once, the night before we flew out to go to Haiti two years ago. My wanderlust heart is beyond excited and I have spent the past 24 hours googling everything I can find on our ports of call, exploring the ship on Carnival's website, and dreaming of warmth since it's pretty much been snowing here in Ohio since early December, with no signs of stopping anytime soon. While it stinks to have to wait 11 months for a vacation, it will be well worth it in the end! :)
I think one of the biggest things I learned in 2013 was contentment. Throughout the majority of my 20s, I struggled with being content with God's timing and in being single. Watching friend after friend get married and start a family took a toll on my heart, but God gently reminded me that He is to be my all. His timing is perfect and His plans are way better than my own. I signed myself up for a year long Disciple Bible study that is working me through the Old Testament and shining a light into my life that I needed to see. I also joined a women's small group that meets on Thursday evenings. It was originally a four week follow up to the women's retreat I went on back in November, but we enjoyed meeting together so much that we decided to keep going with meeting on Thursday nights. We're currently talking about priorities and boundries in our lives while working through Balancing It All by Candace Cameron Bure. I've come to cherish my Thursday nights and the amazing ladies that bring so much joy to my life. It's the one place I've come to feel as if I can be real and vulnerable and they'll love me despite the messiness of life and the things I struggle with.
One of the greatest blessings to my life this year has been the youth ministry. I've been a youth sponsor since 2009, but this year I feel as if God has really been nudging me to pour my heart and soul into these kids. I currently mentor two of our senior high girls who I love dearly and spend quality time with most of the kids twice a week during youth Bible study and Sunday night worship. It's been a blessing to watch them grow together and to become a family this year, something we adults have been praying for over the past several years.
I learned this year who my friends are, the people who have surrounded me with love, grace, and joy on a daily basis. Some of them are scattered and we're separated by miles and hours, but I know all I have to do is pick up the phone or send them an email, and they'll drop everything for me. I gained one very dear friend, a coworker who has stuck by my side since summer and who probably doesn't realize how much I cherish her friendship. She has listened to me vent, I'm fairly certain she potentially has seen me cry, and she has loved me despite the ugliness of the battles we've fought together. I can't imagine what both my life and work would be like without her friendship. When I look at my life, I no longer have multiple "best friends." Instead, I have a circle of close friends, people who build me up, encourage me, and love me for who I am. We've all been together for so long that I can't imagine what life would be like without them.
I used to dread turning 29, knowing it was the end of my 20s and thinking that I was going to be old by turning 30. Instead, I look forward to this year and the exciting things I know God has planned for my life. I'm slowly learning to become okay with the fact that I may never get married (I have several friends who keep pushing me and telling me I need to move or switch churches to find a husband-not going to happen!) and I'm learning what it means to be content in who I am and who Christ calls me to be. My identity is not found in a husband, my job, or my finances. It is found in Jesus, who wants nothing more than my utmost devotion and my heart.
Here's to 2014...new adventures, better finances, and a life full of love and laugther. I can't wait to see what this year holds. :)
Friday, July 12, 2013
The one with the guys...
Now, I'm sure based off of the title alone, everyone is going to assume I'm boy crazy or something along those lines. Instead, I want to share some thoughts that have been floating through my head that tonight I just need to get out because I want the world to know how great they are. I told these same guys tonight that I was going home to sleep because I have to work early so that's what I should be doing but I've been tinkering with this in my mind for awhile and want to get it out.
Back in high school, when I first became a Christian, I heard over and over again that we should be praying for our future husbands, especially for someone who loves the Lord and is going to be the spiritual leader in our relationship. I think quite a few of us girls went through the time in our lives where we "gave up dating for a year" after reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye and whatever those other dating books were. Several of us have (or had) lists in the back of our Bibles of the characteristics we wanted in our future husbands. Some of my friends wrote letters to their future husbands faithfully (I've tried and my future husband is lucky if I remember twice a year to write to him. You'd think being a blogger it would come easy but nope I forget about that journal quite often...). As girls, we talked often about what our futures would look like, the types of weddings we wanted, etc. etc.
Well, I've learned that God's plans are far greater than my own and while I'm not currently in any type of relationship, I am surrounded by some pretty amazing Christian men who show me on a regular basis what it means to love the Lord. These guys in my life exemplify Christ in the ways that they live their lives. They encourage me, make me laugh, and invest in my life and my spiritual walk with God by asking me how they can pray for me. When I have a bad day, I know that I can talk to any of these guys and they will find a way to make me laugh, talk me through whatever is going on in my life, and find a way to encourage me. At the end of the day, I know that they are praying for me, which means more to me than any of them know.
With so many of my girlfriends in serious relationships, getting married, and having babies, I'm finding it's getting harder and harder to find someone to spend time with regularly. These amazing guys include me in their circle, even though other than one's girlfriend, I'm the only girl. They go out of their way to make sure they include me in the plans they make. They even crazily asked me if I wanted to go to Cedar Point this weekend...silly boys! I don't do roller coasters and they know that, but they wanted to make sure that I knew I was included. They even grudgingly put up with my weird eating habits, which says a lot for them. They may tease me about it, but in the end, they accept me for who I am, strange habits and all.
I can't find the words to even begin to tell you how incredible these men are. They show me constantly what it means to be treated with respect. They hold doors open for me, they listen when I talk, and they ask for my input when we're discussing just about anything (except roller coasters of course...). These guys show me what I deserve to have in a future husband and they are the reason that I am holding out for the best. I deserve someone who loves the Lord the way that they do, someone who treats me with respect, and accepts me for me. What they probably don't realize is that someday, they're going to make amazing husbands and when I pray for my own future husband, I am also praying for their wives, that they will find someone with these same qualities and who loves the Lord as much as they do.
I may be single and I may complain about it here and there, but at the end of the night, these men remind me of what I'm holding out for. They are the best examples of Christ in my life other than my Pastor, my small group leaders, and our youth leader. I am so lucky and so blessed that God has given them to me, to show me how it is a woman deserves to be treated, and to show me what it's like to love the Lord more than they could anyone else. I can't imagine how different my life would be without them.
Back in high school, when I first became a Christian, I heard over and over again that we should be praying for our future husbands, especially for someone who loves the Lord and is going to be the spiritual leader in our relationship. I think quite a few of us girls went through the time in our lives where we "gave up dating for a year" after reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye and whatever those other dating books were. Several of us have (or had) lists in the back of our Bibles of the characteristics we wanted in our future husbands. Some of my friends wrote letters to their future husbands faithfully (I've tried and my future husband is lucky if I remember twice a year to write to him. You'd think being a blogger it would come easy but nope I forget about that journal quite often...). As girls, we talked often about what our futures would look like, the types of weddings we wanted, etc. etc.
Well, I've learned that God's plans are far greater than my own and while I'm not currently in any type of relationship, I am surrounded by some pretty amazing Christian men who show me on a regular basis what it means to love the Lord. These guys in my life exemplify Christ in the ways that they live their lives. They encourage me, make me laugh, and invest in my life and my spiritual walk with God by asking me how they can pray for me. When I have a bad day, I know that I can talk to any of these guys and they will find a way to make me laugh, talk me through whatever is going on in my life, and find a way to encourage me. At the end of the day, I know that they are praying for me, which means more to me than any of them know.
With so many of my girlfriends in serious relationships, getting married, and having babies, I'm finding it's getting harder and harder to find someone to spend time with regularly. These amazing guys include me in their circle, even though other than one's girlfriend, I'm the only girl. They go out of their way to make sure they include me in the plans they make. They even crazily asked me if I wanted to go to Cedar Point this weekend...silly boys! I don't do roller coasters and they know that, but they wanted to make sure that I knew I was included. They even grudgingly put up with my weird eating habits, which says a lot for them. They may tease me about it, but in the end, they accept me for who I am, strange habits and all.
I can't find the words to even begin to tell you how incredible these men are. They show me constantly what it means to be treated with respect. They hold doors open for me, they listen when I talk, and they ask for my input when we're discussing just about anything (except roller coasters of course...). These guys show me what I deserve to have in a future husband and they are the reason that I am holding out for the best. I deserve someone who loves the Lord the way that they do, someone who treats me with respect, and accepts me for me. What they probably don't realize is that someday, they're going to make amazing husbands and when I pray for my own future husband, I am also praying for their wives, that they will find someone with these same qualities and who loves the Lord as much as they do.
I may be single and I may complain about it here and there, but at the end of the night, these men remind me of what I'm holding out for. They are the best examples of Christ in my life other than my Pastor, my small group leaders, and our youth leader. I am so lucky and so blessed that God has given them to me, to show me how it is a woman deserves to be treated, and to show me what it's like to love the Lord more than they could anyone else. I can't imagine how different my life would be without them.
Friday, July 5, 2013
The one with interests
The other day, I had to go into the bank to deposit some money my parents had given me. While I was there, I got into a conversation with my favorite teller Alex. Let me start by saying that of all the branches of my bank in the area, the one closest to my work is my favorite. They are the friendliest people and everytime I go in, especially if there are no other customers aroumd, I end up chatting with Lauren and Alex (my two favorite tellers) for at least half an hour about anything and everything. I've never been one to talk to people for long periods of time that I'm not good friends with, but for some reason, these two get me talking every time I walk into the bank.
Anyway...Alex and I were chatting the other day and he was telling me about these dance classes his wife takes, just for the fun of it. Somehow the conversation shifted from there to the fact that I do not have an athletic or artistic bone in my body. He got a good laugh out of the fact that I said I trip over my own feet and have no hand eye coordination and that my kiddos in my classroom make fun of the drawings I do, even my stick figures, because they never turn out well. Then, he asked a question that stumped me and has had me thinking all week. He asked me what I was interested in.
Wait...what?? I used to have answers that rolled right off of my tongue back in high school and college. Now, I had to stop and actually think about it. I told him that I've always been good with words, and that I love to write, even when I don't do it as often anymore. I also told him about my love for reading, which got us into a long conversation about books and recommendations of books we should read.
I left the bank that day with my brain swirling. How is it that I've gotten to be where I am right now, but I have no idea as to what interests me anymore? What do I do with all of my spare time? How have I gotten so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I have no idea what I liked to do in my spare time? Well, I took this week to give it some serious thought and here's what I came up with:
1. I love to read. I have a crazy obsession with my kindle ever since I got it for Christmas and I spend hours looking for free or discounted books to read. I've found several series that I wouldn't otherwise have read if they hadn't popped up as recommendations on my reading list. I also love actual books. I walked into the library the other day because I'm poor and can't afford books on my kindle right now. When I walked in, I stopped and just breathed in the scent of books all around me. I could spend HOURS purusing a bookstore or a library, just looking at covers and reading book jackets. It's by far one of my favorite solo activities.
2. I love words. I love to write. I have journals tucked into shoeboxes in my closets that I spent hours filling with my dreams, hopes, woes, and thoughts from high school all the way through college. I am constantly having ideas for blog entries swirling through my head but never take the time to sit down and type them all out. Sometimes I write for an audience. Other times I write for myself. When I'm upset, my favorite thing to do is to take out my journal and just write until it's all out of my system. Writing for me is the best and cheapest form of therapy there is.
3. I love to run. Well, okay, I have a love/hate relationship with running. I hate it because it's not something I'm great at and I'm slow and will probably never run a full marathon but I love it because when I'm out running, it's the one time I'm not thinking of anything else. I can clear my head and focus on my breathing, the scenery around me, and the music playing on my IPod. Along with writing, it also is the cheapest and best form of therapy there is.
4. I love to travel and I love reading about travel. I can't count the number of hours I've spent purusing the internet and pinterest for pictures, travel blogs, and tips about traveling. My family loves Disney and I love to vacation with my family, but that's the one place they are content to go. I, on the other hand, have a two page (and growing!) list in my journal of all the places I want to go. Italy, France, England, Ireland, Greece, Spain...plus all the places Stateside that I want to go. I want to see it all! I was bit by the traveling bug when my stepdad took us on our first real vacation to Gatlinburg back in high school and ever since, I've been fascinated by all these places that I've only ever read about in books.
I don't know how I've gotten so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I let myself lose focus on the things that interest me and that I love. I'm grateful to Alex, that he made me slow down this week and zone in on the things I love. I have a completely different blog floating through my head about doing activities such as traveling solo but I figured this one would be long enough so I'll save that one for another night. I can only hope that I will stop and take time out, even if for just 20 minutes a day, to do something for myself and remember the little things in life that I enjoy the most.
Anyway...Alex and I were chatting the other day and he was telling me about these dance classes his wife takes, just for the fun of it. Somehow the conversation shifted from there to the fact that I do not have an athletic or artistic bone in my body. He got a good laugh out of the fact that I said I trip over my own feet and have no hand eye coordination and that my kiddos in my classroom make fun of the drawings I do, even my stick figures, because they never turn out well. Then, he asked a question that stumped me and has had me thinking all week. He asked me what I was interested in.
Wait...what?? I used to have answers that rolled right off of my tongue back in high school and college. Now, I had to stop and actually think about it. I told him that I've always been good with words, and that I love to write, even when I don't do it as often anymore. I also told him about my love for reading, which got us into a long conversation about books and recommendations of books we should read.
I left the bank that day with my brain swirling. How is it that I've gotten to be where I am right now, but I have no idea as to what interests me anymore? What do I do with all of my spare time? How have I gotten so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I have no idea what I liked to do in my spare time? Well, I took this week to give it some serious thought and here's what I came up with:
1. I love to read. I have a crazy obsession with my kindle ever since I got it for Christmas and I spend hours looking for free or discounted books to read. I've found several series that I wouldn't otherwise have read if they hadn't popped up as recommendations on my reading list. I also love actual books. I walked into the library the other day because I'm poor and can't afford books on my kindle right now. When I walked in, I stopped and just breathed in the scent of books all around me. I could spend HOURS purusing a bookstore or a library, just looking at covers and reading book jackets. It's by far one of my favorite solo activities.
2. I love words. I love to write. I have journals tucked into shoeboxes in my closets that I spent hours filling with my dreams, hopes, woes, and thoughts from high school all the way through college. I am constantly having ideas for blog entries swirling through my head but never take the time to sit down and type them all out. Sometimes I write for an audience. Other times I write for myself. When I'm upset, my favorite thing to do is to take out my journal and just write until it's all out of my system. Writing for me is the best and cheapest form of therapy there is.
3. I love to run. Well, okay, I have a love/hate relationship with running. I hate it because it's not something I'm great at and I'm slow and will probably never run a full marathon but I love it because when I'm out running, it's the one time I'm not thinking of anything else. I can clear my head and focus on my breathing, the scenery around me, and the music playing on my IPod. Along with writing, it also is the cheapest and best form of therapy there is.
4. I love to travel and I love reading about travel. I can't count the number of hours I've spent purusing the internet and pinterest for pictures, travel blogs, and tips about traveling. My family loves Disney and I love to vacation with my family, but that's the one place they are content to go. I, on the other hand, have a two page (and growing!) list in my journal of all the places I want to go. Italy, France, England, Ireland, Greece, Spain...plus all the places Stateside that I want to go. I want to see it all! I was bit by the traveling bug when my stepdad took us on our first real vacation to Gatlinburg back in high school and ever since, I've been fascinated by all these places that I've only ever read about in books.
I don't know how I've gotten so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that I let myself lose focus on the things that interest me and that I love. I'm grateful to Alex, that he made me slow down this week and zone in on the things I love. I have a completely different blog floating through my head about doing activities such as traveling solo but I figured this one would be long enough so I'll save that one for another night. I can only hope that I will stop and take time out, even if for just 20 minutes a day, to do something for myself and remember the little things in life that I enjoy the most.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The one with the timing
It's funny that I was thinking of creating this post tonight because we discussed contentment with our youth kids tonight and it was just what I needed to hear with this blog post floating through my head.
As a 28 year old single female, I'd like to think I have my life figured out by now. Funny enough, I don't. Not even close. There are some days where I wake up and all I want to do is pull the blankets back up over my head instead of facing the obstacles I know God has planned for me for the day. Does that ever happen? Well, sometimes on a Saturday it does. I'll admit I slept until almost 3 yesterday afternoon simply because I could. And I needed it fighting off a cold.
When I look at where my life is at this present moment, it's definitely not where I planned it to be. Am I content with where I am? Well, the jury is still out on that one. Some days the answer is yes. Other days the answer is no. It all comes down to whatever has gone on that day and the mood I may be in. I am slowly learning what contentment looks like and trusting that the plans God has for my life are far better than any plan I ever had.
Back in high school, I had my life all planned out. I was going to go to college, graduate, start my career, get married, and start a family...all before I was 30. Well, I'm about a year and a half out from being 30 and so far the only things checked off of that list are going to college and graduating. I'm in a job that doesn't necessarily require a degree, I'm single, and I definitely don't have a family of my own. I'm the proud aunt of four amazing kids and another on the way, but I don't have kids of my own just yet.
Sometimes, I look at my life and wonder what I'm missing. I love my job, even if it's not my dream job. I love being a youth sponsor and a mentor. I love my small group. I love my family and friends. Every day is full of something different and most nights I go to bed exhausted. However, I wonder how often I use my busy schedule to keep myself from letting the loneliness inside of me come to the surface. About six months ago, I was having a conversation with an older lady from my church who asked me if I could sense my biological clock ticking since I'm so close to 30, unmarried, with no kids. This was said in response to talk about wedding talk with some other women from my church. I jokingly blew her comment off but inside I was seething. "How dare she say something like that to me?! She has no right to make that kind of judgment towards me!" I was livid. Then, the more I thought about it, the more it crushed me. I started to see all the couples around me planning weddings and babies and started yelling at God, asking when it was finally going to be my turn. It didn't matter that I didn't feel ready to be married yet. Clearly I was missing something because that's all people kept telling me.
Fast forward to the past several weeks. I've had conversations with friends who have asked me if I feel like I'm missing out on something because my sister is younger than me, has kids, and is buying a house. I look at them and tell them I'm perfectly content that she is the one with the children because I can spoil them rotten and I love being an aunt. Quite honestly, the one thing she has that I want the most is that she's out on her own. It takes a lot for me to admit that I'm 28 and I still live at home, especially because SO many of my high school and college friends are all living on their own. I can't afford to move out on my salary, especially with having to pay back student loans. I recently had dinner with a college friend I haven't seen in a couple of years and she asked me where I was living and when I told her at home, she asked me "How is that?" I had to think about it for a minute and honestly, it's not bad. I'm usually so busy that I'm home long enough to eat, sleep, and change my clothes. However, there's this stigma attached to being the age that I am and still being at home. It's almost shameful to admit that at 28, you still live with mommy and daddy, as if you've failed and can't make it on your own.
Then there's the issue of love. I have a separate blog planned for my thoughts on love, marriage, and relationships versus friendships (especially tied in with my favorite movie) so for this post I'll suffice it to say that being single at 28 was not part of my plan. At 28, I was hopeful that I would be married and pregnant with my first (maybe second) child. Clearly that is NOT what God has in the works for me, at least not yet. I have a medical condition that makes me unsure if I can even have children, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't yearn for a family of my own. I've gotten to a point lately where I tell people that I don't know if I want kids of my own but let me share a secret with you...I do...very much so. I came to this realization at the end of naptime the other day when I opened the curtains in my classroom to see our kindergarten assistant on the playground having a conversation with a couple of the little girls. Watching him with the kids made me remember how much I desire a man who loves children and wants a family of his own someday.
I love the story in Genesis where God fulfills His promise to Abraham and Sarah and finally blesses them with a child of their own. It gives me so much hope that if God places a desire in your life, He will fulfill that desire, but in His timing. Abraham and Sarah waited for a child for a very long time. In fact, Abraham was 100 years old when his son was finally born! If God can fulfill Abraham and Sarah's dreams at that age, I'm pretty sure me being 28 without children is NOT that big of a deal.
The one verse that gives me the most comfort is my favorite. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." This is by far my all time favorite verse. The more I pray about it, and the more I live it out in my daily life, the more I find it to be true. My desires may not be God's desires for my life, and the more I turn over the keys to my life to Him, the more His desires became prevalent and prove to be far greater than anything I have ever planned for my life.
I feel as if the last year and a half especially have been teaching me contentment in every aspect of my life. I have my days where I want to take control and yell and scream and ask God when it's going to be my turn to have the things I have always wanted most: a career, a husband, and kids but then He shows me the amazing things I have in my life right now and reminds me that His plan is better than mine. I have to learn to be content in where I currently am before I can move on to the future. I, for one, can't wait to see what He has planned for me.
As a 28 year old single female, I'd like to think I have my life figured out by now. Funny enough, I don't. Not even close. There are some days where I wake up and all I want to do is pull the blankets back up over my head instead of facing the obstacles I know God has planned for me for the day. Does that ever happen? Well, sometimes on a Saturday it does. I'll admit I slept until almost 3 yesterday afternoon simply because I could. And I needed it fighting off a cold.
When I look at where my life is at this present moment, it's definitely not where I planned it to be. Am I content with where I am? Well, the jury is still out on that one. Some days the answer is yes. Other days the answer is no. It all comes down to whatever has gone on that day and the mood I may be in. I am slowly learning what contentment looks like and trusting that the plans God has for my life are far better than any plan I ever had.
Back in high school, I had my life all planned out. I was going to go to college, graduate, start my career, get married, and start a family...all before I was 30. Well, I'm about a year and a half out from being 30 and so far the only things checked off of that list are going to college and graduating. I'm in a job that doesn't necessarily require a degree, I'm single, and I definitely don't have a family of my own. I'm the proud aunt of four amazing kids and another on the way, but I don't have kids of my own just yet.
Sometimes, I look at my life and wonder what I'm missing. I love my job, even if it's not my dream job. I love being a youth sponsor and a mentor. I love my small group. I love my family and friends. Every day is full of something different and most nights I go to bed exhausted. However, I wonder how often I use my busy schedule to keep myself from letting the loneliness inside of me come to the surface. About six months ago, I was having a conversation with an older lady from my church who asked me if I could sense my biological clock ticking since I'm so close to 30, unmarried, with no kids. This was said in response to talk about wedding talk with some other women from my church. I jokingly blew her comment off but inside I was seething. "How dare she say something like that to me?! She has no right to make that kind of judgment towards me!" I was livid. Then, the more I thought about it, the more it crushed me. I started to see all the couples around me planning weddings and babies and started yelling at God, asking when it was finally going to be my turn. It didn't matter that I didn't feel ready to be married yet. Clearly I was missing something because that's all people kept telling me.
Fast forward to the past several weeks. I've had conversations with friends who have asked me if I feel like I'm missing out on something because my sister is younger than me, has kids, and is buying a house. I look at them and tell them I'm perfectly content that she is the one with the children because I can spoil them rotten and I love being an aunt. Quite honestly, the one thing she has that I want the most is that she's out on her own. It takes a lot for me to admit that I'm 28 and I still live at home, especially because SO many of my high school and college friends are all living on their own. I can't afford to move out on my salary, especially with having to pay back student loans. I recently had dinner with a college friend I haven't seen in a couple of years and she asked me where I was living and when I told her at home, she asked me "How is that?" I had to think about it for a minute and honestly, it's not bad. I'm usually so busy that I'm home long enough to eat, sleep, and change my clothes. However, there's this stigma attached to being the age that I am and still being at home. It's almost shameful to admit that at 28, you still live with mommy and daddy, as if you've failed and can't make it on your own.
Then there's the issue of love. I have a separate blog planned for my thoughts on love, marriage, and relationships versus friendships (especially tied in with my favorite movie) so for this post I'll suffice it to say that being single at 28 was not part of my plan. At 28, I was hopeful that I would be married and pregnant with my first (maybe second) child. Clearly that is NOT what God has in the works for me, at least not yet. I have a medical condition that makes me unsure if I can even have children, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't yearn for a family of my own. I've gotten to a point lately where I tell people that I don't know if I want kids of my own but let me share a secret with you...I do...very much so. I came to this realization at the end of naptime the other day when I opened the curtains in my classroom to see our kindergarten assistant on the playground having a conversation with a couple of the little girls. Watching him with the kids made me remember how much I desire a man who loves children and wants a family of his own someday.
I love the story in Genesis where God fulfills His promise to Abraham and Sarah and finally blesses them with a child of their own. It gives me so much hope that if God places a desire in your life, He will fulfill that desire, but in His timing. Abraham and Sarah waited for a child for a very long time. In fact, Abraham was 100 years old when his son was finally born! If God can fulfill Abraham and Sarah's dreams at that age, I'm pretty sure me being 28 without children is NOT that big of a deal.
The one verse that gives me the most comfort is my favorite. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." This is by far my all time favorite verse. The more I pray about it, and the more I live it out in my daily life, the more I find it to be true. My desires may not be God's desires for my life, and the more I turn over the keys to my life to Him, the more His desires became prevalent and prove to be far greater than anything I have ever planned for my life.
I feel as if the last year and a half especially have been teaching me contentment in every aspect of my life. I have my days where I want to take control and yell and scream and ask God when it's going to be my turn to have the things I have always wanted most: a career, a husband, and kids but then He shows me the amazing things I have in my life right now and reminds me that His plan is better than mine. I have to learn to be content in where I currently am before I can move on to the future. I, for one, can't wait to see what He has planned for me.
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