Dave and Katie's wedding!

Yesterday was Dave and Katie's wedding, something I have been anxiously awaiting for months. After our history together, it makes my heart happy to know that Dave has found someone as great as Katie and I couldn't ask for a better "sister in law." Dave is like my big brother and Katie is just absolutely perfect for him.

Vince came in for the weekend to go to the wedding as my date which was amazing as always. It's been way too long since we've seen each other and when he's here I realize just how much I miss him when he's at school.

Friday night we went down the Levee with Tym and Brian and had dinner. After dinner we walked around a bit and then Brian and I decided it would be fun to take Vince to see Fountain Square at night. Now, this would have been fine if I had known where I was going but because I didn't (I had a general idea haha), we ended up getting lost and we ended up in a not so nice area of downtown. We jokingly talk about how we passed several drug deals and pimps but let me tell you, I was never more relieved when we ended up near campus and out of the not so nice part of the city.

Since we ended up in Clifton, we decided to get out and walk. I took the boys on a tour of campus and we ended up hanging out there for awhile. Brian of course, had to go and be accident prone and ended up falling off the bleachers he had attempted to lay down on in the stadium. Luckily he was able to semi catch himself, but not before he had hit his hip on the metal part of the bleachers. Ouch.

Yesterday morning I got up and bought Brad Paisley tickets for Indianapolis so Megan and I could get pavillion seats and then went to get my hair done before the wedding since I have no sense of hair styling at all. The lady at Great Clips curled it for me and then pinned part of it back off of my face. It was super cute and natural looking. I loved it. :-)

I came back, did my makeup, put my dress on, and then Vince and I went to Applebees for lunch. My stomach was starting to get butterflies because I knew I was doing a reading at the wedding so I wasn't able to eat much but lunch was fun as always. Vince and I never run out of things to talk about and we had so much to catch up on so it was nice to have some one on one time to just catch up and talk.

The ceremony arrived before I knew it and luckily I was able to hold myself together pretty well. I teared up during the vows and rings because I knew I was reading the petitions (the prayers for those not familiar with Catholic weddings) afterward. I think this was the worst part for me. I hate speaking in front of people but because I love Dave and Katie and I was honored to be a part of their wedding, I wanted to do it. I got to the podium and my heart was racing a million miles a minute and I could feel myself shaking. Apparently it didn't come across that I was nervous to everyone else but when I got back to my seat Vince took one look at my hands and knew how bad it was. He managed to calm me down, which helped a lot. Without him there I probably would have been a mess.

After the ceremony, we had a few hours to kill so Vince and I went down to Devou Park to take pictures while we were all dressed up. After Devou we decided to head to the river and went for a walk through Sawyer Point where I took a ridiculous picture of Vince in front of the flying pig. Hilarious!

The reception was amazing! I didn't eat much, which probably wasn't good, especially because I had three glasses of wine and the third one went straight to my head. After some fresh air and water though, I was fine. We had so much fun dancing and it was so nice to have a date who would actually dance with me. We stayed at the reception until about 11:30 and left after people started getting obnoxiously drunk.

We went to my sister's for a bit and then came back to the house. I took a shower because my feet were gross from the alcohol being spilled on the dance floor and I just felt gross overall from dancing all night. By the time my head hit the pillow, I was passed out and slept until about half an hour before my alarm went off this morning. I was shocked that I was awake by 8:45, especially since I didn't get to bed until about 1:30 but my body just couldn't sleep anymore.

Today we went to breakfast at IHop and then went back down to the river and walked and talked and just hung out. After the river we headed to Fountain Square that I found only after having to call Glenn at work for directions. :-P

This weekend was just what I needed. I think it's been the best weekend I've had since being home from Denver and it was a nice break from the stress of school, work, and my life in general. There's something about seeing Vince that just completes me and I love having him here.

As great as the weekend was, having him here made me realize just how lonely I am. This season of being single hurts my heart so much and I try so hard not to admit to myself how much it hurts. Having Vince here and having him pay so much attention to me made me realize just how much I crave those intimacies of being in a relationship. I enjoy when a guy holds my hand, wraps his arms around me, and just makes me feel special and complete. I love Vince dearly and I love how easy and normal it is for us to be affectionate with each other, but when he left today, I realized how much I want that all the time.

I want a guy in my life who gives me that kind of attention, who goes out of his way to make me feel special, and shows me how much he cares. My guy friends are amazing and I love them dearly, but I feel as if that's not what I want or need. It's so hard to be single and watching friend after friend fall in love and get married. I keep myself so busy so that I don't have time to dwell on the fact that I'm single without even the slightest chance of there being someone in my life.

Being with Vince this weekend gives me hope that there are still good guys out there and that eventually, I might stumble upon one of them who will love me unconditionally and give me the love and affection that I crave. I loved how Vince made me feel this weekend and I loved having someone to hold hands with as we walked along the river and downtown but it's something I want permanently. I feel as if part of me is missing because I don't have someone in my life and I hate that I let myself feel this way.

I don't even know if I've made any sense. I tried to explain to Denise today how I felt but I don't even know if I made any sense to her. All I know is even with the amazing time I had with Vince this weekend, part of me is left with an ache in my heart that just never seems to go away, one I don't know how to feel. I'm so ready for someone to fall in love with and for whatever reason, it just hasn't happened yet and I keep getting passed over while everyone else around me is falling in love. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. The loneliness hurts...a lot...and it's just become easier to keep pushing it down and pretend it's not there instead of admitting how much I truly do hurt.

I sit here in tears as I finish this because I've known this point was coming and after this weekend, I finally had to admit it. I knew when I made the decision to not date this year that it was going to be hard but I never thought it would be this hard. I'm so ready to be in love and it's just not my time. I hate waiting and I hate the ache that I deal with everyday...