I should be sleeping but I wanted to blog out how I'm feeling before I head to bed so I can keep myself in check over the next month or so.
First, an update on Jen. I finally heard from her aunt last night via facebook (yes, I am that person that resorted to facebook stalking to find out how she's doing) and she told me that Jen's stroke wasn't the bad kind, that she's already regained 100% of her speech and is now trying to regain her strength. She's going through cat scans to figure out if they can put her on blood thinners to disolve the clot that caused the stroke and she's still in ICU but the doctors and neurologists are confident in how she's doing. Bonnie told me that Jen is more concerned about getting back to her students (she teaches high school history) than she is about being in the hospital. I told Bonnie that if Jen is worried about work, I know she's going to be okay. I told her that we're all praying for her and to keep me updated on how she's doing.
I met with my small group leader tonight after youth to talk about some things I have going on in my personal life. Lately I've been feeling empty, exhausted, and anti-social. I told Seth I didn't know where any of this was coming from and after a good hour long talk, I feel better about things. I know a big chunk of my problem is that I can't say no to people. Because of this, I have spread myself way too thin lately trying to do everything for everyone. I need to cut some stuff out of my life to make time for me and school. People need to understand that I'm a graduate student who also works full time. I don't have all this free time like they think that I do.
People also assume that I have all the time in the world because I'm single but I don't! I work full time, go to school part time, volunteer with our youth, go to my own small group, go to church on Sundays, and train for a half marathon. That doesn't give me a lot of free time to spare for everyone. I'm just as busy as the next person and something has to give somewhere. Seth called me on the church aspect because he's noticed that I haven't been to church in weeks. That's just one of the things I've let slide because it's easier to just sleep in on Sundays than to get up and add another thing to my "to do" list. When it comes to my faith, church needs to come first. It's important for me to be there, to have somewhere that I'm growing and being fed. I can't just not go to church because I need to sleep.
Priorities. It's all about priorities right now. I need to figure out what's more important and then figure out where I can make cuts. If I keep doing everything I'm doing now, I'm going to run myself ragged and eventually my body is just going to shut down. It's time for a much needed change so I can be a happier and healthier person phyiscally, mentally, and spiritually.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Trying to wrap my brain around it
Yesterday after work I received two pieces of bad news. My aunt called to tell me that my uncle's grandpa, the one we all affectionately called grandpa santa because of his white beard, passed away unexpectedly yesterday morning. We're all still kind of in shock and while we're all putting on a strong front, I know we're all hurting inside. The funeral is set for Tuesday so I'm taking the day off of both work and classes to be with my family.
Then, Diana called me from Youngstown. I expected her to be calling to tell me about the test she was taking for a new job and instead she was calling to tell me that our friend Jen (who she's now related to by marriage because Diana is married to Jen's cousin) had a stroke yesterday afternoon at the age of 25. The only thing we really know is that Jen apparently had a blood clot that ruptured on the left side of her brain. When I talked to Diana at 6:00 last night, Jen was still in the ER and her dad was trying to catch the next flight out to Florida to be with her. (Jen lives in Florida because her parents divorced in second grade and her mom still lives down there).
I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that Jen had a stroke at the young age of 25. She's always been one of the healthiest people I know since battling cancer at age 3 and now she's laying in the hospital because she had a stroke. How do these things happen? I just don't understand it. It's just not fair.
I'm dying for an update on how she's doing. I sent a facebook message to her mom and her aunt and I've been texting Diana every few hours to see if anyone has heard anything and I've heard nothing in over 24 hours.
I'm a mess. Between grandpa santa dying yesterday and Jen having a stroke I'm just numb. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I did a 5k walk today with a couple of my coworkers that helped clear my mind but now I'm baby-sitting and the kids are entertaining themselves so my mind is just wandering and thinking the worst and I hate that. I just want an update. I just don't understand how these things happen. :-/
Then, Diana called me from Youngstown. I expected her to be calling to tell me about the test she was taking for a new job and instead she was calling to tell me that our friend Jen (who she's now related to by marriage because Diana is married to Jen's cousin) had a stroke yesterday afternoon at the age of 25. The only thing we really know is that Jen apparently had a blood clot that ruptured on the left side of her brain. When I talked to Diana at 6:00 last night, Jen was still in the ER and her dad was trying to catch the next flight out to Florida to be with her. (Jen lives in Florida because her parents divorced in second grade and her mom still lives down there).
I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that Jen had a stroke at the young age of 25. She's always been one of the healthiest people I know since battling cancer at age 3 and now she's laying in the hospital because she had a stroke. How do these things happen? I just don't understand it. It's just not fair.
I'm dying for an update on how she's doing. I sent a facebook message to her mom and her aunt and I've been texting Diana every few hours to see if anyone has heard anything and I've heard nothing in over 24 hours.
I'm a mess. Between grandpa santa dying yesterday and Jen having a stroke I'm just numb. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I did a 5k walk today with a couple of my coworkers that helped clear my mind but now I'm baby-sitting and the kids are entertaining themselves so my mind is just wandering and thinking the worst and I hate that. I just want an update. I just don't understand how these things happen. :-/
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Road trip!
I'm headed to Youngstown tomorrow after work. I haven't been since my whirlwind trip for Diana's wedding in June so I'm excited for some much needed time with my bestie. I hate that we live four hours apart but I love that we're still so close. She understands me better than anyone I know and has put up with so much crap over the years. Plus, I'm taking her out for a run with me and I'm totally going to kick her butt! ;-)
Things have been crazy since classes started last week. I'm taking a Stats class which is completely kicking my butt. Whoever decided I should have to take Stats should be strung up by their toes. Ugh. This is the first Master's level class I've actually had to study for!
I need to start looking at studying for the comps. I'm not taking it here in Ohio until August but I'm taking the state boards in Colorado in June so eventually I'm going to have to start studying for it. Maybe over winter break. We'll see.
I had an interesting hour and a half phone call with Mike last night about politics and religion and our views on different subjects within those realms. I didn't get off the phone until almost 1 a.m. and I had to be up at 6:45 so even though I was sleep deprived today it was completely worth it to hear that someone else feels the way I do.
I should go pack but I'll wait until Jersey Shore is over in ten minutes. Hopefully I'm in bed by 11:30 so I can actually get some sleep before driving four hours after work tomorrow!
Things have been crazy since classes started last week. I'm taking a Stats class which is completely kicking my butt. Whoever decided I should have to take Stats should be strung up by their toes. Ugh. This is the first Master's level class I've actually had to study for!
I need to start looking at studying for the comps. I'm not taking it here in Ohio until August but I'm taking the state boards in Colorado in June so eventually I'm going to have to start studying for it. Maybe over winter break. We'll see.
I had an interesting hour and a half phone call with Mike last night about politics and religion and our views on different subjects within those realms. I didn't get off the phone until almost 1 a.m. and I had to be up at 6:45 so even though I was sleep deprived today it was completely worth it to hear that someone else feels the way I do.
I should go pack but I'll wait until Jersey Shore is over in ten minutes. Hopefully I'm in bed by 11:30 so I can actually get some sleep before driving four hours after work tomorrow!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Race for the Cure
This morning I ran the Race for the Cure, which was my second 5k. I've been training for this race for weeks and I was anxious to see how I'd do, especially after having two really great training runs this past week.
I wasn't excited about my 6 a.m. wake up call but as I was driving to campus to meet Tym and Amy to carpool, my race day adrenaline started kicking in and I could feel the butterflies forming in my stomach. The closer we got to downtown, the more my nerves started kicking in. When we made the walk from Newport to the stadium where the race started, my adrenaline started pumping and I just couldn't contain my excitement. We met up with Nicole, one of my co-workers and just walked around taking in the crowd. As of 7 a.m., there were 18,000 people registered for the Race! It was a much bigger and much more exciting 5k than the one I ran in August where there were only about 100 people!
A bunch of the local radio stations were there and had music going to get everyone excited. We had registered for the non-competitive run so our run started 15 minutes after the competitive one. However, we made sure we were at the front of the start line for our race so we could get out of the crowd and actually run. I started off with a slow jog and then slowed down to a fast paced walk which helped as we approached the quarter mile mark because it was a hill. Nicole and I took it at a run and made it about halfway up before we had to walk the rest of it. However, it didn't take me long to recover and we were off running again!
My race day adrenaline helped a lot because when we crossed that one mile mark at 14:58 I was shocked! I had cut almost a minute and a half off of my mile time since last month's 5k! That helped to keep me going as we approached the water stop at a little over a mile and a half and I was able to run the last quarter mile and cross the two mile mark at a run. I crossed the two mile mark at exactly 30 minutes and I wish someone had had a camera to record the smile that just spread across my face as I knew I was going to come in at the finish line under an hour again.
I had high hopes that I would finish the whole 5k at 45 minutes or under but the last mile was rough because it was a much bigger hill than the first two hills had been and I had to walk all of it. At the crest of the hill Nicole and I took off running and that downhill helped my time greatly because we crossed the finish line at exactly 48 minutes! I threw my hands up in the air and shouted in excitement because I had finished in under an hour again and had cut four minutes and 20 seconds off of last month's 5k time!!
By the time all of that kicked in, I was doubled over because I kept saying I was going to get sick. hahaha....I hadn't eaten this morning (I never do before I run) because I knew it would make me nauseous but since there was only one water stop through the course, my body had lost water and I was shaky. Luckily they handed out water bottles at the end and I downed mine as quickly as they gave it to me and I was able to recover quickly.
We walked through some of the booths they had set up and each of us had a skinny cow ice cream which was SO good post race! I was trying to save room because I really wanted a smoothie since we had parked at the levee until I later discovered that the smoothie place wasn't open when we got back to the car. Bummer. At least the ice cream was good!
I was so proud of my run time this morning and so proud of Nicole who had kept telling me last night and this morning to leave her behind as I was running because she was going to walk it. She pushed herself SO hard and did so well! Without her, Tym, and Amy cheering me on and pushing me to run further when I didn't think I could do it, I wouldn't have been able to do this. They were my support system today and I was so thankful for each of them being there with me!
I had lunch with my sister, brother in law, and the kids and then came home and soaked in a hot bath because the hills in this 5k had killed me and I was so sore! After soaking in the tub for an hour, I laid down in bed for a nap and ended up sleeping for three hours. This race had been so amazing but it just took so much out of me.
If I didn't think I was completely crazy, I'd register for a 5k that's coming up next Saturday evening but it's hills are even more killer and I'm not sure I'd do as well in it since I won't be able to train the way I need to this week because this week is a recovery week. My mom is a nurse and she thinks it's not smart and thinks I should take it easy so we'll see.
All in all, I'm very, very proud of how well I did today and the fact that I pushed myself harder this time around! All of this training is paying off and I'm well on my way to a 14 or 15 minute mile at the half marathon next May! :-)
Now I leave you with pictures from today!
Before the Race for the Cure with Tym, Amy, and Nicole! 
A hot, sweaty mess after the Race for the Cure in the parking garage!
With my Amy love!
Posing with Tym after the Race!
I wasn't excited about my 6 a.m. wake up call but as I was driving to campus to meet Tym and Amy to carpool, my race day adrenaline started kicking in and I could feel the butterflies forming in my stomach. The closer we got to downtown, the more my nerves started kicking in. When we made the walk from Newport to the stadium where the race started, my adrenaline started pumping and I just couldn't contain my excitement. We met up with Nicole, one of my co-workers and just walked around taking in the crowd. As of 7 a.m., there were 18,000 people registered for the Race! It was a much bigger and much more exciting 5k than the one I ran in August where there were only about 100 people!
A bunch of the local radio stations were there and had music going to get everyone excited. We had registered for the non-competitive run so our run started 15 minutes after the competitive one. However, we made sure we were at the front of the start line for our race so we could get out of the crowd and actually run. I started off with a slow jog and then slowed down to a fast paced walk which helped as we approached the quarter mile mark because it was a hill. Nicole and I took it at a run and made it about halfway up before we had to walk the rest of it. However, it didn't take me long to recover and we were off running again!
My race day adrenaline helped a lot because when we crossed that one mile mark at 14:58 I was shocked! I had cut almost a minute and a half off of my mile time since last month's 5k! That helped to keep me going as we approached the water stop at a little over a mile and a half and I was able to run the last quarter mile and cross the two mile mark at a run. I crossed the two mile mark at exactly 30 minutes and I wish someone had had a camera to record the smile that just spread across my face as I knew I was going to come in at the finish line under an hour again.
I had high hopes that I would finish the whole 5k at 45 minutes or under but the last mile was rough because it was a much bigger hill than the first two hills had been and I had to walk all of it. At the crest of the hill Nicole and I took off running and that downhill helped my time greatly because we crossed the finish line at exactly 48 minutes! I threw my hands up in the air and shouted in excitement because I had finished in under an hour again and had cut four minutes and 20 seconds off of last month's 5k time!!
By the time all of that kicked in, I was doubled over because I kept saying I was going to get sick. hahaha....I hadn't eaten this morning (I never do before I run) because I knew it would make me nauseous but since there was only one water stop through the course, my body had lost water and I was shaky. Luckily they handed out water bottles at the end and I downed mine as quickly as they gave it to me and I was able to recover quickly.
We walked through some of the booths they had set up and each of us had a skinny cow ice cream which was SO good post race! I was trying to save room because I really wanted a smoothie since we had parked at the levee until I later discovered that the smoothie place wasn't open when we got back to the car. Bummer. At least the ice cream was good!
I was so proud of my run time this morning and so proud of Nicole who had kept telling me last night and this morning to leave her behind as I was running because she was going to walk it. She pushed herself SO hard and did so well! Without her, Tym, and Amy cheering me on and pushing me to run further when I didn't think I could do it, I wouldn't have been able to do this. They were my support system today and I was so thankful for each of them being there with me!
I had lunch with my sister, brother in law, and the kids and then came home and soaked in a hot bath because the hills in this 5k had killed me and I was so sore! After soaking in the tub for an hour, I laid down in bed for a nap and ended up sleeping for three hours. This race had been so amazing but it just took so much out of me.
If I didn't think I was completely crazy, I'd register for a 5k that's coming up next Saturday evening but it's hills are even more killer and I'm not sure I'd do as well in it since I won't be able to train the way I need to this week because this week is a recovery week. My mom is a nurse and she thinks it's not smart and thinks I should take it easy so we'll see.
All in all, I'm very, very proud of how well I did today and the fact that I pushed myself harder this time around! All of this training is paying off and I'm well on my way to a 14 or 15 minute mile at the half marathon next May! :-)
Now I leave you with pictures from today!
Before the Race for the Cure with Tym, Amy, and Nicole! 
A hot, sweaty mess after the Race for the Cure in the parking garage!
With my Amy love!
Posing with Tym after the Race!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A season for everything
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:"
--Ecclesiastes 3:1
They say there's a reason for everything and I'm starting to believe that. What if I hadn't been in Youngstown the day my cousin called from Denver? What if I hadn't answered the phone and re-established a connection with him? What if I had stopped there instead of sending emails and planning a visit? What if I had never gone to Denver for spring break? How different would my life be?
After my trip to Denver last week, I feel like things are playing out the way they are for a reason. The pastor at the church I visited made a comment during his sermon that we weren't there by accident. We could have been at any other church in the Denver metro area that morning and instead we walked through the doors of Thorncreek for a reason. It wasn't a mistake and God had a purpose for it. That's how I feel about my visits to Colorado and for why I'm still single. Obviously God is using this stage in my life for a reason, even if I don't always understand that reason.
When I landed in Denver on my first day of my vacation, I felt like I was home again. I feel as if God is opening up doors for me and to opportunities I would never have considered before that first trip to Denver. I know I still have a little over a year and a half left of grad school but I feel like God may be molding me to come out of my comfort zone into a completely different place that He has chosen for me. There's something calling me out to Denver and it's more than just the people I've established a relationship with. I have friends in other states and other cities but you don't see me wanting to move there. I feel like all of these small visits are God's way of branching me out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown (Casting Crowns lyric anyone? haha) to mold me into a stronger woman.
For so long I have griped about being single and not understanding why I'm 25 years old and yet I've never been in a serious relationship. After a long talk with Denise last night at the gym, I realize that this could be why. Mike jokingly tells me that he thinks my soul mate is in Colorado but this is so much more than that. I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband, I don't have kids, and once I'm done with my Master's, I won't have school tying me down anymore. There is no reason I can't step out on a ledge and take a flying leap into something I never would have considered before. Yes, my immediate family and my best friends are here, but like my mom said, it gives them a new place to visit and I need to follow my heart and do what my heart is telling me.
I shouldn't be looking at this period in my life as traumatic and like I'm missing something. Instead, I should be looking at it as an opportunity to explore the world and do things I can't do with a husband and kids. This is my chance to be free and to be me and to let God take me where He wants to take me. He has so much to teach me and I have so many things I want to do so I'm going to choose to rejoice and I'm going to continue praying to see where this journey is going to take me.
--Ecclesiastes 3:1
They say there's a reason for everything and I'm starting to believe that. What if I hadn't been in Youngstown the day my cousin called from Denver? What if I hadn't answered the phone and re-established a connection with him? What if I had stopped there instead of sending emails and planning a visit? What if I had never gone to Denver for spring break? How different would my life be?
After my trip to Denver last week, I feel like things are playing out the way they are for a reason. The pastor at the church I visited made a comment during his sermon that we weren't there by accident. We could have been at any other church in the Denver metro area that morning and instead we walked through the doors of Thorncreek for a reason. It wasn't a mistake and God had a purpose for it. That's how I feel about my visits to Colorado and for why I'm still single. Obviously God is using this stage in my life for a reason, even if I don't always understand that reason.
When I landed in Denver on my first day of my vacation, I felt like I was home again. I feel as if God is opening up doors for me and to opportunities I would never have considered before that first trip to Denver. I know I still have a little over a year and a half left of grad school but I feel like God may be molding me to come out of my comfort zone into a completely different place that He has chosen for me. There's something calling me out to Denver and it's more than just the people I've established a relationship with. I have friends in other states and other cities but you don't see me wanting to move there. I feel like all of these small visits are God's way of branching me out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown (Casting Crowns lyric anyone? haha) to mold me into a stronger woman.
For so long I have griped about being single and not understanding why I'm 25 years old and yet I've never been in a serious relationship. After a long talk with Denise last night at the gym, I realize that this could be why. Mike jokingly tells me that he thinks my soul mate is in Colorado but this is so much more than that. I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband, I don't have kids, and once I'm done with my Master's, I won't have school tying me down anymore. There is no reason I can't step out on a ledge and take a flying leap into something I never would have considered before. Yes, my immediate family and my best friends are here, but like my mom said, it gives them a new place to visit and I need to follow my heart and do what my heart is telling me.
I shouldn't be looking at this period in my life as traumatic and like I'm missing something. Instead, I should be looking at it as an opportunity to explore the world and do things I can't do with a husband and kids. This is my chance to be free and to be me and to let God take me where He wants to take me. He has so much to teach me and I have so many things I want to do so I'm going to choose to rejoice and I'm going to continue praying to see where this journey is going to take me.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Real update coming soon!
I know I owe a real update sometime soon. I was going to do it tonight but I'm running my second 5k on Saturday (the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure!) so I needed to go to the gym and do a training run since I only ran once on vacation and it was a pitiful run at that.
I'm also getting over being sick and the doctor put me on a cough medicine that is making me drowsy so I'm going to go sleep it off.
This is my reminder to myself to update you on everything I mentioned in the previous entry, along with my thoughts on moving to Denver and the doors I feel are opening up for me.
That's all. I'm off to take a shower and go to bed before I fall asleep on my keyboard.
I'm also getting over being sick and the doctor put me on a cough medicine that is making me drowsy so I'm going to go sleep it off.
This is my reminder to myself to update you on everything I mentioned in the previous entry, along with my thoughts on moving to Denver and the doors I feel are opening up for me.
That's all. I'm off to take a shower and go to bed before I fall asleep on my keyboard.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Note to self
Notes to self on what to update on:
Friday:
--Flights
--Rental car
--Dinner at Jack's
--Late night conversation with Mike
Saturday:
--Lookout Mountain
--16th Street Mall
--Wazee Supper Club
Sunday:
--Checked out a new church
--Shopping and getting lost adventures with Kelly
--Dinner with the boys and Kelly
--Lookout Mountain at night
Monday:
--U.S. Mint tour
--Capitol Building Tour
--Hard Rock Cafe
--Rockies game (and my very vocal opinion on their fans!)
Tomorrow we're off to Pike's Peak and Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs! Can't wait!
Oh and I need to remember to write about my thoughts on moving out here.
That's all for tonight because it's 11:30 here (and 1:30 over there on the east coast!) so I'm off to bed. Goodnight!
Friday:
--Flights
--Rental car
--Dinner at Jack's
--Late night conversation with Mike
Saturday:
--Lookout Mountain
--16th Street Mall
--Wazee Supper Club
Sunday:
--Checked out a new church
--Shopping and getting lost adventures with Kelly
--Dinner with the boys and Kelly
--Lookout Mountain at night
Monday:
--U.S. Mint tour
--Capitol Building Tour
--Hard Rock Cafe
--Rockies game (and my very vocal opinion on their fans!)
Tomorrow we're off to Pike's Peak and Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs! Can't wait!
Oh and I need to remember to write about my thoughts on moving out here.
That's all for tonight because it's 11:30 here (and 1:30 over there on the east coast!) so I'm off to bed. Goodnight!
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