This has been one very busy week. Summer session of grad school is in full swing and I love it. I'm only taking one class at the moment but I love love love it. My classmates are wonderful and I actually enjoy reading my textbook. It's amazing how different it is from undergrad. I hated reading for class during undergrad and now, I'm fascinated. (Except tonight because I'm exhausted and have to keep re-reading. :-P )
Megan and I fulfilled a childhood dream last night and went to see New Kids on the Block in concert. It was amazing what a different dynamic it was from Brad Paisley. I think for every 30 women there was probably one guy in the crowd. Most of the crowd was women in their late 20's to late 40's and it was just fun watching everyone act like they were back in their teens. As soon as NKOTB hit the stage we all started shrieking. I'm pretty sure I even had tears in my eyes! It was, hands down, the BEST concert I have ever been to. No concert will ever top it because it's not very often that your favorite boy band reunites and goes back on tour and you get to be there for it. Megan and I are hoping they tour again next summer!
This morning I tried out a new church with my friend Brian's parents. I loved it. For the last year or so I've felt like I'm stuck with my church and I'm not moving. I haven't grown at my church in awhile and I've had this on again off again thought that I should consider changing churches. After this morning and Carl's message on listening for God's voice, I know I have a lot to pray about. I honestly think it may be time to move on, as hard as it's going to be to leave my current church. I'm meeting with Brian's parents this week to talk about how they made their transition and to pray with them about where God is leading me.
I don't intend to make any drastic changes because I told Bill and Mary that I thought it was important to honor my Sunday school commitment and finish assisting through the summer. Come fall, we'll see where God takes me next. I'm scared but excited for this journey. :-)
The only other major thing going on is my running. I've set aside three nights a week to run with Denise from my church but tonight was one night we don't run together. The gym closes at 7 on Sundays so I decided to go for a run alone. For some reason, tonight was a rough night. I walked more than I ran and it's left me discouraged because I feel like I'm never going to be able to run a mile straight without having to stop and walk and because I feel this way, I feel like I'm never going to make a 5k, let alone the half marathon goal I've set in front of me for next spring.
My sister complimented me today and said she could see the weight I've shed but lately I've felt like I'm in a rut. The last time I got on the scale at the gym it told me I was 11 pounds from the goal weight I set for October but then Andrea's scale the other night told me I was 30 pounds heavier than that and now I don't know which scale is right. I don't think Andrea's is for the simple fact that her scale puts me at a weight that would have only made me lose 15 pounds since December and I know I've lost more than that. I wish I knew where I could find an accurate scale, something that I know I can trust. Or maybe I should just stay away from the scale altogether.
Ugh I am so discouraged right now. I'm off to finish watching Army Wives and read the last chapter that needs read for class tomorrow.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Eeek!
I start grad school tomorrow!! I'm so excited but I'm also terrified. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be and I can't wait to start this new phase of my life. I just hate the first day of anything new. After tomorrow, I'll be golden. :-)
Since I'm taking one class in five weeks, I had homework before classes even began. I just spent the last hour at Starbucks reading a chapter for class tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that's all I'll be doing over the course of the two five week sessions I'm taking. Then I'll have about three or four weeks off before fall quarter starts.
I went shopping today and got a couple new things. I bought this adorable green skort and I already have it paired with a black tank top and a white shirt as my "first day of school" outfit. I'm super excited for it! I'll have to try and get a picture in it.
Alright, I'm off to shower and sleep. I have to work in the morning before orientation so 5:50 a.m. is going to come too soon!
Since I'm taking one class in five weeks, I had homework before classes even began. I just spent the last hour at Starbucks reading a chapter for class tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that's all I'll be doing over the course of the two five week sessions I'm taking. Then I'll have about three or four weeks off before fall quarter starts.
I went shopping today and got a couple new things. I bought this adorable green skort and I already have it paired with a black tank top and a white shirt as my "first day of school" outfit. I'm super excited for it! I'll have to try and get a picture in it.
Alright, I'm off to shower and sleep. I have to work in the morning before orientation so 5:50 a.m. is going to come too soon!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thoughts
I know I said I was going to do this on Tuesday night but I ended up getting home and falling asleep and our small group last night went until almost 11 so I also came home and went to bed. I wasn't going to write at all but felt that wouldn't be fair and I'm hoping after running a mile tonight and writing, that maybe I'll be able to sleep.
I haven't slept well in weeks. I'm averaging about five or six hours of sleep a night and that's it. I think a good chunk of it is due to the fact that once again things are about to change. School starts Monday and it'll be something completely different and new and I think that it being new makes me scared deep down, even if I don't realize it on the surface.
What makes me afraid the most about school is the fear that I'm not going to do well and I'm not good enough to be going back to get my Master's. My first couple of years in undergrad were rocky and a roller coaster of grades and obviously with this being a Master's program I can't afford for that to happen. I'm afraid I won't make the cut and end up being kicked out of the program, when really, I know it's ridiculous to think that way because obviously UC thinks I'm capable or I wouldn't have been accepted to such a competitive program.
On top of that, something is up at work and I'm not sure what. All of a sudden the administration has gotten really uptight and they're always on edge which makes me worried. No overtime has been given lately and we also lost our cleaning crew, though another teacher told me it was just for the summer. After having two checks bounce in the last couple of months, I'm not risking it and I'm taking tomorrow's check and cashing it at the bank the school uses and then going to deposit it in to my account so it can't bounce back on me. It's silly I even have to do this but right now, money is tight and I can't afford to have my paycheck bounce on me again.
I've also noticed lately that I've been withdrawing from everyone. I don't know what my deal is but all of a sudden it's like I can't talk to anyone and I don't want to be around anyone. Tym is worried sick about me and my constant updating of Twitter, though lately I haven't seen much of what could be upsetting him. However, no one in my day to day life knows what I'm going through with anything because I can't talk to anyone and I don't know why.
It feels as if dealing with people is just too much for me right now. I feel like I do way too much for others and don't get the same back. I also feel like I spread myself too thin and I told my small group last night that I have a problem saying no to people and because of that, I have no time to relax because I'm always on the go. I'm going to end up sick if I don't take the time out to rest and sleep but when I do relax, I'm edgy because I know there are things I could be doing.
I've been so empty spiritually lately that it's left me lacking in all areas of my life. However, this is the one area I feel is slowly building back up. God and I have been spending a lot of one on one time together and tonight as I pulled into the driveway, I felt compelled to come in the house, go in my bedroom, and just get down on my knees and pray, which is exactly what I did for a good 15 minutes. I poured my heart out and though I still know there's a lot I need to work through, I know I'm going to be okay because God will never give me more than I can handle.
The biggest thing in my life right now other than my spiritual life is my body. I feel like I was doing so well in working out and running and now, I just have no motivation to do it. The scale keeps bouncing in the last two months between two numbers and it continues to vary by about ten pounds, which drives me nuts. I had an amazing workout on Monday and then tonight I ran a mile in my neighborhood. My co-director at work told me I need to mix things up and take a class so that's what I'm going to try to do. Once a week I would love to hit a zumba class or something at the gym that will get me moving and excited about my workouts again.
The hardest part of the weight loss is that while I'm losing on top, my pants size isn't going anywhere. Everything is looser, but anything smaller than what I wear now is too tight. I hate that. I hate that my pants size is still so big, even after losing 43 pounds since December. It frustrates me to no end and I just don't know what I could do that will make me lose inches in the waist.
I've just felt discouraged everywhere in my life lately but I'm slowly taking steps to overcome it. I'm talking to and confronting the people I need to and seeking after God and His will. As for my body, well, I'll just keep pushing myself and hopefully switch things up for a bit and see if that works. If not, well, then I'll just have to re-evaluate and go from there.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and thinking about me lately. I'm going to try my best not to disappear as often as I have been lately and to actually allow myself to open up in the hopes that maybe, I won't sink into such a valley again anytime soon.
I haven't slept well in weeks. I'm averaging about five or six hours of sleep a night and that's it. I think a good chunk of it is due to the fact that once again things are about to change. School starts Monday and it'll be something completely different and new and I think that it being new makes me scared deep down, even if I don't realize it on the surface.
What makes me afraid the most about school is the fear that I'm not going to do well and I'm not good enough to be going back to get my Master's. My first couple of years in undergrad were rocky and a roller coaster of grades and obviously with this being a Master's program I can't afford for that to happen. I'm afraid I won't make the cut and end up being kicked out of the program, when really, I know it's ridiculous to think that way because obviously UC thinks I'm capable or I wouldn't have been accepted to such a competitive program.
On top of that, something is up at work and I'm not sure what. All of a sudden the administration has gotten really uptight and they're always on edge which makes me worried. No overtime has been given lately and we also lost our cleaning crew, though another teacher told me it was just for the summer. After having two checks bounce in the last couple of months, I'm not risking it and I'm taking tomorrow's check and cashing it at the bank the school uses and then going to deposit it in to my account so it can't bounce back on me. It's silly I even have to do this but right now, money is tight and I can't afford to have my paycheck bounce on me again.
I've also noticed lately that I've been withdrawing from everyone. I don't know what my deal is but all of a sudden it's like I can't talk to anyone and I don't want to be around anyone. Tym is worried sick about me and my constant updating of Twitter, though lately I haven't seen much of what could be upsetting him. However, no one in my day to day life knows what I'm going through with anything because I can't talk to anyone and I don't know why.
It feels as if dealing with people is just too much for me right now. I feel like I do way too much for others and don't get the same back. I also feel like I spread myself too thin and I told my small group last night that I have a problem saying no to people and because of that, I have no time to relax because I'm always on the go. I'm going to end up sick if I don't take the time out to rest and sleep but when I do relax, I'm edgy because I know there are things I could be doing.
I've been so empty spiritually lately that it's left me lacking in all areas of my life. However, this is the one area I feel is slowly building back up. God and I have been spending a lot of one on one time together and tonight as I pulled into the driveway, I felt compelled to come in the house, go in my bedroom, and just get down on my knees and pray, which is exactly what I did for a good 15 minutes. I poured my heart out and though I still know there's a lot I need to work through, I know I'm going to be okay because God will never give me more than I can handle.
The biggest thing in my life right now other than my spiritual life is my body. I feel like I was doing so well in working out and running and now, I just have no motivation to do it. The scale keeps bouncing in the last two months between two numbers and it continues to vary by about ten pounds, which drives me nuts. I had an amazing workout on Monday and then tonight I ran a mile in my neighborhood. My co-director at work told me I need to mix things up and take a class so that's what I'm going to try to do. Once a week I would love to hit a zumba class or something at the gym that will get me moving and excited about my workouts again.
The hardest part of the weight loss is that while I'm losing on top, my pants size isn't going anywhere. Everything is looser, but anything smaller than what I wear now is too tight. I hate that. I hate that my pants size is still so big, even after losing 43 pounds since December. It frustrates me to no end and I just don't know what I could do that will make me lose inches in the waist.
I've just felt discouraged everywhere in my life lately but I'm slowly taking steps to overcome it. I'm talking to and confronting the people I need to and seeking after God and His will. As for my body, well, I'll just keep pushing myself and hopefully switch things up for a bit and see if that works. If not, well, then I'll just have to re-evaluate and go from there.
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and thinking about me lately. I'm going to try my best not to disappear as often as I have been lately and to actually allow myself to open up in the hopes that maybe, I won't sink into such a valley again anytime soon.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Two weeks??
I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since I've updated. Everyday I come here with the intentions of writing and I have so much I want to say, but I can't make myself put it into words because I'm afraid of the reactions of certain people. Part of me wants so badly to spill my heart but I keep holding back and it drives me crazy.
So because I feel I can't share my heart, you get the shallow update.
School starts a week from Monday. I actually need to get on ordering my textbook for my first class because it's cheaper on amazon but I don't want to put it on my credit card. I'm going to try and wait until next Friday when I get paid but then I might have to rush ship it so it's here before the following Wednesday's class. Ugh, I don't know.
Work is fine. Our summer program has started so our enrollment is smaller than the school year. It makes it easier to be able to take classes because my boss could be flexible with my summer schedule. I'm not sure how fall will work out with Holly and I both back in school then.
Micah's dance season wrapped up tonight, except for Nationals which I can't go to because of school. They did a showcase tonight and it was amazing. I'm so proud of that little girl. Tomorrow I get to watch Lily dance her heart out onstage and I can't wait. :-)
Things here at home are quieter now that my sister moved back in with Brandon. I do miss having the kids around all the time, but studying will be easier now. :-P
Ok, I can't pretend to be shallow about what's going on anymore so that's all you've got. People who want to know more might just have to talk to me.
So because I feel I can't share my heart, you get the shallow update.
School starts a week from Monday. I actually need to get on ordering my textbook for my first class because it's cheaper on amazon but I don't want to put it on my credit card. I'm going to try and wait until next Friday when I get paid but then I might have to rush ship it so it's here before the following Wednesday's class. Ugh, I don't know.
Work is fine. Our summer program has started so our enrollment is smaller than the school year. It makes it easier to be able to take classes because my boss could be flexible with my summer schedule. I'm not sure how fall will work out with Holly and I both back in school then.
Micah's dance season wrapped up tonight, except for Nationals which I can't go to because of school. They did a showcase tonight and it was amazing. I'm so proud of that little girl. Tomorrow I get to watch Lily dance her heart out onstage and I can't wait. :-)
Things here at home are quieter now that my sister moved back in with Brandon. I do miss having the kids around all the time, but studying will be easier now. :-P
Ok, I can't pretend to be shallow about what's going on anymore so that's all you've got. People who want to know more might just have to talk to me.
Monday, June 1, 2009
New car!
I officially have a new car! After three days of car shopping and test driving two cars tonight, I settled on a 2007 Ford Focus with 38,000 miles on it. I test drove a 2009 Focus with 1,100 miles on it but it didn't feel right so when I drove the 2007 Focus I fell in love.
I am so happy with the decision I made, even though it took me three and a half hours of working out deals with the sales consultant and test driving the cars. I am forever grateful to Megan's uncle for shopping with me tonight because he's great with cars and was able to ask questions I couldn't and worked with them to get me the monthly payment I'm making.
I feel like I'm slowly making adult decisions. Grad school, a new car, what's next?!? :-)
I leave you with the link to my car. This is the exact car I drove off the lot tonight!
http://apps.dealerconnection.com/dealers/cincinnatiford/usedvehicles?_flowExecutionKey=_cE523C25E-710B-FE1C-982A-625E4B9D8547_kE5D8C665-B308-3DE0-6183-E4CB3414E701&_eventId_vehicledetails=true&vin=1FAFP34N37W310735&dealerPACode=01970
I am so happy with the decision I made, even though it took me three and a half hours of working out deals with the sales consultant and test driving the cars. I am forever grateful to Megan's uncle for shopping with me tonight because he's great with cars and was able to ask questions I couldn't and worked with them to get me the monthly payment I'm making.
I feel like I'm slowly making adult decisions. Grad school, a new car, what's next?!? :-)
I leave you with the link to my car. This is the exact car I drove off the lot tonight!
http://apps.dealerconnection.com/dealers/cincinnatiford/usedvehicles?_flowExecutionKey=_cE523C25E-710B-FE1C-982A-625E4B9D8547_kE5D8C665-B308-3DE0-6183-E4CB3414E701&_eventId_vehicledetails=true&vin=1FAFP34N37W310735&dealerPACode=01970
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