Meltdown mode

I've been in pre-meltdown mode since getting home from Athens on Sunday night and today I finally broke down and cried. Too bad the meltdown came at work, the one place I always swore I'd never cry but it all came tumbling down and I lost it after our weekly weigh in.

I had a conversation with Megan and then with Vince last night about how I think it's depressing that I always have to call on my gay best friend to take me to things such as weddings and out on special occasions such as my birthday because I don't have a boyfriend to do those things for me. I told Vince I felt it was a burden and he was quick to reassure me that he doesn't think it's a burden, that he enjoys it and told me I was over thinking all of this, though I don't think I am. He also told me I'm ridiculous, which is probably true but he loves me anyway which is a good thing considering all that he tolerates from me, though he tells me he chooses to do it and doesn't just tolerate it. :-)

On top of that, I woke up feeling sick this morning. A couple of days before I went to Athens I lost my voice but didn't feel sick at all. This morning, I woke up nauseous and I couldn't breathe and I've had no appetite. When I got to work this morning I asked to be sent home early but didn't get sent home until 3, which I guess is better than nothing. I'm thinking this is all because the weather is changing and all of my kiddos at work are sick as well but it still sucks, especially with my Denver trip being 48 hours around the corner.

We're doing a Biggest Loser competition at work and today was our second weigh in. Today's number was enough to set me over the edge and was what led to my emotional breakdown at work. According to the scale, I've put on 3.5 pounds in the last week. Granted, we changed scales and this one is supposed to be more accurate but it discouraged me. Everything has felt looser but apparently I'm gaining weight? I don't get it.

I walked out of the office and into the baby room and Patti asked me how I was feeling and I ended up in tears with she and Amy. I went back into the office and asked Kelly to send me home because I wasn't feeling well. I ended up crying with Kelly for about ten minutes as she tried to reassure me but by the time I got back to my classroom I was a mess. I was so glad when Katie came back and told me that she was relieving me and they were sending me home. I don't think my emotional state could have handeled the rest of the afternoon at work.

I know I'm not over the hump and I still have a lot on my mind but that brief cry helped a little. I have a feeling I may end up breaking down again. I need to get it out now because I don't want to be a mess while I'm in Denver. I knew it was coming based on Sunday afternoon and a talk I had had with Vince and today it all finally came tumbling down. Now I just need to sort it all out.

All I have to say is thank God for people like Megan, Vince, and Kelly who have been dealing with my emotional self all week. I don't know what I'd do without them.