Where have I been?

I knew after my last long entry that I was going to be MIA recently. The end of the quarter is fast approaching. Next week is the last week of classes and then finals are the week after that! T-minus 22 days and counting til Denver! Woo hoo!

I can't believe that the countdown that's been going on since September is finally drawing to a close. I can't wait to be reunited with some of my favorite people and spend TWO WHOLE WEEKS in my favorite place. Granted, I do have homework to do (stupid independent study) while I'm there, but it'll still be fun.

Two weeks from tomorrow, Megan and I will be heading to Cleveland for our girl's weekend with Lauren! We've got tickets to see Brad Paisley on the 11th since we couldn't make the Cincinnati or Indianapolis shows and decided to make a weekend of it. I haven't seen Lauren in like a year so I'm excited to be reunited with her. She was my best friend in college and I'm so glad we're still so close. They say you go to college to meet your bridesmaids and when (if) I ever get married, Lauren will definitely be one of them. :-)

Tomorrow I leave for Athens to visit Vince for the weekend. I'm also stopping in Columbus on the way to pick up Joe who is going to go visit Daniel for the weekend. I can't wait for a weekend in one of my favorite places with more of my favorite people. Noticing a trend here?? :-P

I can't sit here and say that things have been great since my last post because in fact, I had an emotional breakdown about two weeks ago. I hit a rough spot where I spent weeks in a funk (I hid it well here, making it sound like I was okay). I found myself constantly snapping at people, crying at the drop of a hat, and feeling like I was always on the verge of a panic attack. I finally hit my breaking point one Sunday evening after youth where I drove home in tears and then laid on my bed and just sobbed for an hour. I can't even call it crying because it was full blown hysterics, all for what seemed like no reason.

I finally came to the conclusion that I was just simply overwhelmed. It has been one thing after another this year from illnesses to school to work to my personal life and I just couldn't take it anymore. Add in the mix of coming off of a year of training for a half marathon and then an emotional finish and I was just done for. After long talks with Megan and my running partner Denise, I realized I needed to learn to prioritize and accept the fact that I'm not super woman. I don't have to do everything myself. It's okay for me to ask for help when I need it and to admit that I'm not perfect. I'm not meant to carry all of my burdens myself and I need to realize that.

Since then, I've felt as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm still stressed of course because I'm a busy grad student and I will be stressed until the day I graduate but I'm able to manage it. I need to start setting aside some "me" time once a week where I don't do anything except breathe and relax. And maybe work out because that helps the stress. I need to stop planning out every single minute of my life and slow down and enjoy it. If I don't learn to relax, eventually I am going to snap and it's not going to be pretty.

I am thankful for the wonderful friends and family who have gotten me over this rough spot. I'm thankful for the coworker who called me out on my attitude at work and asked me if I was okay because it made me realize how much my bad attitude was affecting my kids and my job. I'm thankful for the best friend who dropped everything on a Sunday night to lay on my bed with me while I cried my eyes out. I'm thankful for a Savior who loves me and grants me mercy and grace, regardless of my sins and my faults.

I'm not perfect and I never will be but that's okay. This is my life and even through the rough patches, I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

How far I've come...

Not to toot my own horn, but I had to write this entry. Tonight was Tym and Amy's wedding, probably the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to. I don't want to share too many pictures yet until they can share pictures themselves, but as I was looking through the few I had on my camera (there aren't many because I was in the wedding), I couldn't help but notice how freaking skinny I look! It's a big change from where I was four years ago at this time at Denise's wedding. Here are some comparison pictures simply because I'm in awe of how far I've come in the last couple of years.

Four years ago at Denise's wedding (I can't believe it's been that long!)

Tonight at Tym and Amy's wedding (I was a groomswoman so my dress was black with a sash that matched the bridesmaids :-) )

All I can say is...wow!

I'm a slacker

I'm such a slacker. I promised an update over a week ago and haven't gotten around to it. Granted, the last week has been insanely busy and I have even more to add to my "note to self" entry I wrote last week. The end of the quarter is just weeks away which means I'm going to be slacking again anyway.

Random side note: I am obsessed with Easton Corbin's music and can't listen to him without thinking about Denver. Five weeks from tomorrow I'll be starting my cross country drive...I can't wait! End side note.

I gave you all the update on the half marathon already so I'll start with the weight loss and changes I want to make. I've been so frustrated with my weight and I've hit a plateau so I decided it was time for a change. My body has gotten so acclimated to the running cardio I've been doing that Denise and I decided it was time to mix things up. Plus, my eating habits got all out of wack the couple of weeks leading up to the marathon because I noticed my emotional eating side taking over as I stressed about the dating situation and last week I'd had enough. It was time to reign everything back in and that's just what I did.

I've been portioning out my food so I'm not overeating and I've stopped reaching for food everytime I get worried or bored. Instead, I've been trying to make it a habit of grabbing my water bottle instead and let me tell you, I am SICK of water! I obviously still drink it, but it's getting a bit excessive and over the weekend I actually refused to drink it at all because I just couldn't handle the "taste" of it anymore. :-P

I took all last week off from the gym to recover from the Pig, which was good because my whole body hurt for the whole week. My plan was to get back on Monday and then I woke up with a stomach bug so instead I spent all of Monday sleeping. I finally made it back to the gym last night and let me tell you, it felt incredible! I did a two mile walk/jog (cutting three minutes off of my normal two mile time!), did 15 minutes of spinning, and then did some weights before stretching out and calling it a night. I was still at the gym for my normal hour and a half, but because we mixed it up, I actually enjoyed my workout again. I told Denise this is going to have to become routine. We need to mix it up. I love to run (obviously since I'm training for another half!) but I get bored being on the treadmill all the time so I enjoyed being able to do something else last night.

Now, the dating situation. I officially called it quits with the guy I had been out on a couple of dates with. Things started to just feel weird and I just started to get this vibe that he was after one thing and one thing only and he was just making me uncomfortable. I spent a lot of time in prayer about it and went for ice cream with one of my mentors who also told me she thought I needed to walk away so that's exactly what I did. In fact, when I did break it off, he was just like "Better luck next time!" and I'm thinking, "WHAT?!" When I tell people he made that comment everyone tells me they think I'm better off for walking away. Who says that to someone they've been going out on dates with?!?

So now it's back to the drawing board which is totally fine for me. I have walked away from the online dating though. I'm tired of looking so whatever is going to happen, is going to happen. God's just going to have to drop mr. right in my lap because I'm tired of being the one having to pursue love. Plus, I'm going to be so busy in the next year that I don't need to actively seek out a distraction. If it happens, fabulous. If not, that's okay too. I don't know what God has in store for me in the relationship factor of my life but I'm trusting that He's not going to lead me astray. He has a beautiful plan for my life and that's all that matters.

I had plans to have a "me" day on Saturday, which quickly turned into a family day. I did sleep until about noonish and woke up with awful cramps and not feeling good. I took a hot shower and some ibuprofen which helped and then went grocery shopping with my mom, followed by hanging out at my sister's so we could get things together for Mother's Day. It wasn't the "me" day I had planned, but I did love every minute of being able to spend time with my family and not having the pressure of having to be somewhere like I do for the next two Saturdays.

I had a follow up appointment at the doctor's two weeks ago today. The awful rash I had is something called pitryiasis (not sure if I spelled it right or not) and it was caused by my body having a bacterial and a viral infection at once. It started with the strep throat I had back in March, followed by the allergic reaction to the amoxicillin and then my body just kept developing the infections from there. It's not contagious but it does take six weeks minimum to clear up. Well, I've had it about that long and some of it has gone away but I still look awful. The doctor told me I needed to reduce my stress and it would help clear it up, but I'm a grad student and I work full time so that's not happening anytime soon. :-P

I did find out at that appointment that my white blood count was elevated, so she told me my body was either fighting off an infection at that time or getting ready to fight off an infection. She asked me if I had any symptoms and I said no, just the rash so she told me not to be surprised if in the following couple of weeks I did develop a sore throat or a runny nose and sure enough, here I am two weeks later with congestion and a runny nose. I'm using a netti pot, which is the most disgusting thing EVER but it helps so that's all that matters.

I decided after I finished my half at the Pig that I couldn't believe a year of training had come down to one day and that it had come and gone so quickly so I decided that I wanted to run another one! I am officially in training for the Air Force Half Marathon, which is held every September at the Air Force base in Dayton. Two of my friends are training with me and while part of me of course if already nervous and worrying if I can do this again, I'm excited to take on this challenge! Bring it on Air Force!

And finally, school. There are four weeks left in the quarter (three weeks of classes and a week of finals) and then I'm done for a week before going into summer term. Originally, I was only taking one class the second half of summer but then I found out that my financial aid wouldn't cover anything unless I was enrolled for at least five credit hours so I was stressing last week at how I was going to arrange this because the only other class I could take would interfere with my trip to Denver so instead of taking it, I'm not enrolled for two hours of an independent study. I get to choose my own topic so I'm going to spend the summer researching sensory integration disorder, something one of my friend's kids has been diagnosed with and then write up a research paper on it. As nerdy as it sounds, I'm actually really excited at the idea of spending the summer doing this. Of course, it's going to be busy with the independent study, a class the second half of summer, studying for the boards, working, and training for a half marathon but it wouldn't be my life if I wasn't busy all the time!

Alright, time to head to class. There's my massive update for now. Hopefully I won't slack and take as long to post next time. :-P

Flying Pig Half Marathon

I have so much to update on, but I feel like this subject deserves an entry all of it's own, because it's my biggest accomplishment to date and I know I have a lot to say on the subject. I still can't believe I ran a half marathon! This was the most incredible experience of my life! Yes, it was also the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can't tell you how amazing it felt to have that finisher's medal placed around my neck at the end of the race.

Beth and I woke up around 4 a.m. to eat breakfast and get ready and by 5 a.m. we were on our way out the door to head downtown. Denise called to see how we were feeling so I chatted with her for a bit. The closer we go to downtown, the more frequent the lighting was flashing. We were crossing fingers that the storms would roll out before the race started but unfortunately, we got rained on for the first couple of miles.

We walked a lot of the race and by a lot, I mean a lot. I'm actually disappointed in myself in how much I walked it. I know Beth had to be getting frustrated because I know she's faster than I am but she stuck by me until mile 9, when she finally decided to run it in. I kept telling her earlier in the race to go ahead and go but she stuck by me until mile 9. Without her, those final four miles were awful. I faced the biggest mental battles between miles 10 and 11 because my stepdad had been texting me since he works for our local ABC affiliate, which I had already passed once at mile 6 and would be passing again at mile 11 and he kept telling me "I only have three minutes" and I just burst into tears because I really wanted him to see me coming down that final two mile stretch when I hit mile 11 and I didn't think he'd be there because he would have to be in actually doing his job. Imagine my surprise when I looked up as I ran down the hill at mile 11 and there he was, on the balcony, watching for me. I wiped the tears away and pushed myself to keep running, telling myself I hadn't come that far just to walk it in.

I hit mile 12 and I finally started walking again because I was in so much pain. Since it had rained, my socks and shoes were soaked and they rubbed awful blisters on my feet. I was pretty much limping between miles 12 and 13. At mile 13, with .1 to go in the race, I was getting discouraged because coming from the opposite direction were all the people running the full marathon, who, in the time it had taken me to run a half, had run 26.2 miles. I started yelling at myself, telling myself I had't come that far just to walk it in and decided it was time to start running again. At that moment, I look up and I see Megan and James. That was it for me. I started crying again and sprinted to the finish line, where I collapsed into Beth's arms and was just crying. I couln't believe we had actually finished!!

A sweet older lady was one of the volunteers handing out medals and she asked me if she could do the honors of putting my medal around my neck. That did it for me. I started crying again! We headed through the finisher's area to the recovery zone where we got water, had our chips taken off, and got food! Then we headed out where my coworker Savannah was waiting for me, which meant so much! I loved that she had come all the way downtown to see me at the finish line. Then we headed off to find Megan and James and wound our way back up to the finish line to wait for Denise to come in, who had done the full. Megan and James left and I anxiously kept watching for Denise to come down the finish line so I could run her in. I think that was one of my favorite parts of the whole day, getting to run Denise in as she finished her second full marathon!

There is just nothing like the running community in Cincinnati and the Flying Pig was such an incredible experience. At mile 9.5, I lost my hat I had hooked around my running belt and got chased down by a volunteer at a water station to return it to me. I didn't get much further down the road when it fell off again because it was held together with velcro, which had gotten wet so it didn't want to stay closed. This time, some other runners returned it to me and we started chatting. They kept telling me I looked fabulous and they wished they had the stamina to walk/run the race the way I was. I told them I had been training for a year but that I was discouraged because I had walked so much of the race and they told me not to be discouraged because I looked incredible and should be proud of how far I had come. Then they told me that they would carry my hat for me if they thought they'd see me at the finish line and I just laughed and told them that it didn't matter, it was just a $2.00 hat from Wal-mart so I threw it off to the side of the road and kept going. I ended up seeing them again at mile 12 as we made the turn around the block to head back into downtown to the finish line and they were clapping and cheering me on as I rounded the corner to the home stretch.

It gave me chills to come down the home stretch to the finish line. I know I had gone downtown last year to watch Denise finish her marathon but it still amazes me to see how many spectators come out to cheer the runners on. To hear so many people cheering for us as we ran it in was one of the most incredible moments of my life. There is just nothing like the support of the running community in Cincinnati. It's one of the reasons I've gotten addicted to running and races. There's no such thing as size or body shape, or worrying about what someone else is doing. Everyone cheers for everyone else and even when running with a friend and running buddy, it's still an incredibly individual sport.

I officially finished in 3:49:01 but Beth and I had stopped for 10 minutes at mile four to use the porta potties (which are soooo gross, just incase anyone was curious!) so we deducted 10 minutes off of our time, which would make it 3:39:01. Not bad for my first half. I'm a little discouraged because I walked so much of it and had I run more it would have been a faster time, but I still came in under four hours which is phenomenal!

What's next you ask?? Well, apparently one half marathon wasn't enough because I am officially in training for my next one! My friend Desiree and I are running the Air Force Half Marathon on September 17th, which is held at Wright Patt, the Air Force base in Dayton. I think Tym is going to train too which is awesome! I'm sooo excited to run with Des for sure and to run another half marathon. My goal is to cut some time off and to actually run a good chunk of it. I'm going to try and do some speed training workshops at Mojo and push myself even harder to overcome these mental blocks that keep telling me I can't do this, when I know I can.

I still can't believe after a year of training that one day came and went so quickly but I can't wait to train for the next one! I am officially addicted to running and races and am excited for what the future holds! Here's to four months of solid training with (hopefully!) no injuries and setbacks! Flying Pig Half Marathon is in the books. Bring it on Air Force Half!!!

Another note to self

Another note to self since I'm supposed to be studying for midterms:

--Update on half marathon!!

--Update on weight loss/changes to be made starting tomorrow

--Update on dating situation

--Update on plans for a "me" day this weekend

--Update on outcome of doctor's appointment and this stupid rash

--Update on plans for next half marathon in September!!!

That's all. Back to these awful Tests in Counseling notes. Ugh.

Pictures from the half marathon weekend!

I'm way too tired to write out an update about how the weekend went so I thought I would just share some pictures for now. I finished my very first half marathon in 3:49:01 officially but Beth and I deducted 10 minutes from that time because we stopped for ten minutes at mile four to use the porta potty so without that 10 minute stop it would have been a 3:39:01 finish. Not bad for my first half!

For now, here are pictures to enjoy!

Beth and I at the Spaghetti Factory on Friday night to carb load!

Denise and I after carb loading the Spaghetti Factory!

Beth and I at the expo on Saturday!

After our first half marathon! We were sore, cold, tired, and a hot mess but we finished!!

So proud to have finished my very first half marathon!! Bring on the Air Force Half in September!

A close up of my medal!!

Real update to come tomorrow night after I get some sleep.