Coming to a close

Tomorrow marks my last full day in Denver. Saturday morning I'll start the drive back east and I'm already not looking forward to the goodbyes I know I have to say, at least until March. Every time I come out here, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye and go back home. On the flip side, I do miss my family and my best friends...a lot more than I expected to. Maybe it's because I've been out here for two weeks. I don't know. But I do miss them and I'm looking forward to being in the same time zone again, simply to make phone calls that much easier.

This visit out here has given me the opportunity to see what real, everyday life would be like in Colorado. The boys both worked while I was here, so I had a lot of down time to myself. I did do a few fun things but this vacation was mainly an opportunity for me to relax before having to go back into the hecticness that will be the rest of my summer and the whole coming academic year. I spent many days relaxing on the couch and sleeping in. It was almost as if I lived here and just simply had the day off of work.

Truth be told, my heart is a mess of emotions again, just as I knew it would be. A huge part of me is regretting not taking the Colorado boards after all, especially because I'm pretty certain that in the coming months when it's time to begin applying for full time jobs I'll most likely be applying out here as well as at home. I knew this would happen when I made the decision to come out for two weeks. I think extending my time here was simply a test to see how well I would do being separated from my family and friends for longer than just simply a week. I miss them but I could see myself doing this. I truly could.

I spent yesterday at the Denver Art Museum and on the way there, I felt just like any normal Denver-ite wearing my headphones and listening to my ipod as I caught the shuttle that would take me within blocks of the museum. I've always been a city girl and Denver is such a big city that I could see myself living here and working here and exploring the city I would call home.

This visit has given me a chance to remember the sides of me I don't let show at home. I remembered how much I love doing things such as spending the day by myself exploring an art museum or sitting in a coffee shop downtown just people watching. I love the opportunity to debate religion and Christianity and theology without someone making me feel stupid for my opinions. I love sitting out on the front porch at night, looking at the stars and just dreaming of what my future could look like and praying about what God has in store for me. How I did I forget about all those parts of me? Why do I spend so much time at home pushing my thoughts and feelings down? My opinions are just as important as anyone else's and instead I've learned to keep my guard up because I've gotten tired of the people around me making me feel awful for some of the things I think and believe.

There are so many little moments about being out here that I'm going to miss, such as the ridiculousness of Mike and I texting each other while in the house together, like we just now did. I'm going to miss sitting on the front porch together until 10 or 11 at night just talking and watching the grass grow. (No we really DID watch the grass grow because they just laid new sod in the yard so it's been fun to watch the sprinklers water it. Yes we are that lame. haha) I'm going to miss driving around in the truck with the windows down singing (badly!) at the tops of our lungs. I'm even going to miss him poking fun at me when we're at dinner or out with friends.

Somehow, in the last year, he has become the other half of me, the side of me that doesn't show very often. He pushes me in my faith and to discover who I really am and what I think and believe. He makes me laugh in a moment when I feel like I could cry. He listens to me vent and whine (a lot!) about things that probably aren't worth being upset over. I never expected him to become my best friend, but he has. He's the one person who can tell me like it is, know it'll piss me off, and know I'll take it because I know in the end he's usually right. Leaving here on Saturday is going to break my heart simply because I know for the next nine months all we're going to have is our weekly phone calls and random text messages here and there.

It sucks when all of your best friends are scattered so far away. I'm blessed at home to have Megan. She is my heart and my rock in Cincinnati and without her, I would be lost. But then, I have Diana and Denise in Youngstown, two of the people who have known me the longest. It doesn't matter how far apart we are or how long it's been since we've seen each other. We pick right back up where we left off. I also have a circle of close friends in Cincinnati, people who my life would be incomplete without.

And then, here in Denver, is Mike. I truly mean it when I say I never expected us to become the friends we are now. When I first came out here in March of 2010 I thought I was coming out to reconnect with family. Instead, I gained a new best friend, someone my life would be a mess without. I never expected this, but I am so very blessed to have someone so amazing in my life.

I need to stop writing. I just broke down in tears when Angie walked in. I told myself I wouldn't cry until Saturday in the privacy of my own car but I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears shed in the next 48 hours as these goodbyes loom on the horizon. I hate this.

Life in Colorado

I am loving my trip to Denver so far. The drive out was long but surprisingly wasn't too bad. I got on the road around 3:30 on Friday and checked into my hotel shortly after 11 central time in Columbia, Missouri. I was so impressed by the quality (I stayed in a Motel 6 which I've heard mixed reviews on) that I went ahead and booked a room for my return trip home. I couldn't beat the price of $45 (before taxes) for just one night.

On Saturday I got on the road around 8:30 or so central time to drive the last ten and a half hours to Denver. I did pretty well time wise until I hit an intense storm just 15 miles from the Colorado border and about got pushed into the side of a semi so I got off the highway and sat for about 30 minutes waiting for it to pass. I finally got back on the road and got in around 8:30 or so mountain time.

As soon as I got in the boys whisked me off to dinner at Unos, which is not my favorite but that's okay. I had a burger and fries and I knew I was starting to get tired after my long day of driving when I just kept randomly cracking myself up at stupid stuff that no one else understood. Then, as I was trying to stack my silverware on my plate, my knife hit my cup and my entire glass of pepsi ended up all over the table and all over Mike's lap. I felt awful! Unfortunately, the night didn't end there because Mike and I ended up having to drive downtown to pick up a drunken Jack who was in no condition to drive home.

I told Mike to wake me for church on Sunday but when he did, I told him to let me sleep. I knew I was going to crash from my drive and I definitely did. I didn't crawl out of bed until almost 11 Sunday morning and the whole day I was just dragging. I took the boys to brunch for a belated birthday celebration and then we just hung around the house before having spaghetti for dinner, made with my mom's homemade sauce that I had brought in a cooler with me during my cross country trip.

I've been sleeping about ten hours every night since I got here. I truly did need this vacation to just relax and not go go go all the time. I spent some time downtown on Monday after having lunch with Mike and then spent the day in Boulder with Angie yesterday but overall, it's been very relaxing. I spent today by the pool because the doctor told me to get some sun to help dry up my psoriasis. I put sunscreen everywhere but my back (because I couldn't reach it and no one was home to help) and my legs (because my legs never burn). Well, I definitely got some sun. My poor white legs that never burn at home in Ohio definitely got some color after two hours in the Colorado sun without sunscreen. My back also got some sun because I can feel the heat of it through my shirt but I haven't looked yet since showering to see how bad it is. My legs tingled in the shower but they don't hurt right now. I have to go pick up stuff to cook dinner so I may pick up some aloe just incase for later tonight when I'm sure they will finally hurt.

I needed this vacation badly. I've been on the go for what feels like months now and I have craziness of an independent study, my summer class, work, and soon my internship facing me when I get home so I'm going to love these two weeks of just relaxing, sleeping as late as I want, and doing whatever I want, when I want to while I'm here. I don't even want to think about going home next weekend....

I have a lot on my mind as far as Colorado versus Ohio goes (I'm sure everyone saw that coming when I made the decision to come out for two weeks...) but I'm not ready to put it into words yet. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time for that later.

For now, I'm off in search of my blanket since Mikey keeps the a/c set at 68 (brrr!) and then I'm going to do some studying for my comps exam until he gets home from work. Oh vacation....

Bullets

I know I haven't done a proper update in like two weeks so I apologize profusely! The end of the quarter got away from me, but it was successful! I got an A in my Special Education elective and a B- in Tests in Counseling, which was an awful class. I got a 3.3 for the quarter and a 3.45 overall. Why couldn't I do this awesome during undergrad?!

Things have been pretty crazy so here are some bullets for now. I'll do a proper update probably from Denver on SUNDAY! Can you all believe it's so close?? We went from counting down when we had 100+ days left to being down to being less than 48 hours from being on the road. I'm driving out (crazy I know!) so I'm doing eight hours on Friday and like 10 or 11 on Saturday. I'm staying overnight in Columbia, Missouri Friday night and then making the last of the drive on Saturday. The drive will be long but it's going to be worth it for TWO WEEKS with my favorite people in my favorite place!

Anyway...bullets...

--I finally got a diagnosis of psoriasis from the derm. We're now trying to figure out the best course of treatment for it. I'm still covered in spots but I only itch every once in awhile, like if  I leave the steroid cream on too long (such as putting it on last night and not showering this morning so I had it on all night and then all day at work) or when I get overheated. This came as a shock because there's no family history of it on either side. I'm definitely the first. Plus it doesn't present as normal psoriasis. I'll do a full update on this sometime next week.

--School is out...for two weeks. My independent study starts when I get back from Denver and then my summer class starts the last week of July.

--I need to study for my comprehensive exam to graduate from the program. The exam is August 6th. Eeek!

--Work is work. That's all I have to say about that. I'm glad for two weeks off.

--My sister is pregnant!!!! I've been hiding this for awhile because at first she wasn't telling anyone but now she is so I'm prouldy telling the world! She finds out tomorrow if it's a boy or a girl and aunt Heather is just thrilled. Since she wasn't exactly expecting this pregnancy, she has nothing so aunt Heather is trying to reign herself in from going too crazy. :-P

I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff but that's okay. It'll come back to me. Hope you all are doing well!

Finally!

If you all are friends with me on facebook, you've seen my recent status updates about this awful rash. I'm pretty sure I've blogged about it and how I finally got a diagnosis about a month ago. Well, it never went away. In fact, it just keeps spreading. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I tried to call and schedule a dermatology appointment but the lady I talked to was really rude and told me they couldn't get me in until September. I kept trying to explain I couldn't wait but she insisted I needed to follow up with a regular doctor first and made me an appointment with a doctor that I silently call a witch for how rude she was to me about my weight two years ago when I first started going to UC without even reading my chart to know why I struggle with my weight loss. I decided to cancel that appointment and just walk in today before class.

Well, this morning I woke up and the spots on my stomach no longer itched-they were burning. Well, not so much burning as tingling. It's hard to describe the feeling. I went into work crying because of how uncomfortable I was. Stacey immediately decided I needed to go see a doctor before this afternoon and she called our boss and arranged for me to leave work at 8:45 to go to the doctors. So mnay of my co-workers gripe about her, but today was just another reason of why I love working with her. She always has my best intentions at heart.

I got to campus and found out my favorite doctor (Dr. Harrison) was working. I immediately asked to see her and as soon as she walked into the exam room, she knew I needed to see a dermatologist. She did prescribe me a cream she's hoping will ease some of my itching because she thinks the cortizone cream I've been using has been making the rash spread. I was so relieved that she believed something was wrong that I started crying. I explained to her about trying to call derm myself and about how I'm so uncomfortable I can't function and she knew I needed to see someone. She called the derm nurse in who just happened to be working today and even she took one look at me and was like "Oh honey we need to get you in now. You can't wait until September." Thank you! Finally someone who sees why I'm so miserable!

I am so thankful for Dr. Harrison and the fact that she actually believed there was something wrong with me. I'm at a point where I literally just can not take this anymore. From now on, I see no one but her because three other doctors have seen me, all of whom said this just needed to run it's course. Obviously there is something wrong with me or it wouldn't keep spreading and itching like this!!

Now, just to suffer through the next few days until I can get into the derm. :-/