Tomorrow marks my last full day in Denver. Saturday morning I'll start the drive back east and I'm already not looking forward to the goodbyes I know I have to say, at least until March. Every time I come out here, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye and go back home. On the flip side, I do miss my family and my best friends...a lot more than I expected to. Maybe it's because I've been out here for two weeks. I don't know. But I do miss them and I'm looking forward to being in the same time zone again, simply to make phone calls that much easier.
This visit out here has given me the opportunity to see what real, everyday life would be like in Colorado. The boys both worked while I was here, so I had a lot of down time to myself. I did do a few fun things but this vacation was mainly an opportunity for me to relax before having to go back into the hecticness that will be the rest of my summer and the whole coming academic year. I spent many days relaxing on the couch and sleeping in. It was almost as if I lived here and just simply had the day off of work.
Truth be told, my heart is a mess of emotions again, just as I knew it would be. A huge part of me is regretting not taking the Colorado boards after all, especially because I'm pretty certain that in the coming months when it's time to begin applying for full time jobs I'll most likely be applying out here as well as at home. I knew this would happen when I made the decision to come out for two weeks. I think extending my time here was simply a test to see how well I would do being separated from my family and friends for longer than just simply a week. I miss them but I could see myself doing this. I truly could.
I spent yesterday at the Denver Art Museum and on the way there, I felt just like any normal Denver-ite wearing my headphones and listening to my ipod as I caught the shuttle that would take me within blocks of the museum. I've always been a city girl and Denver is such a big city that I could see myself living here and working here and exploring the city I would call home.
This visit has given me a chance to remember the sides of me I don't let show at home. I remembered how much I love doing things such as spending the day by myself exploring an art museum or sitting in a coffee shop downtown just people watching. I love the opportunity to debate religion and Christianity and theology without someone making me feel stupid for my opinions. I love sitting out on the front porch at night, looking at the stars and just dreaming of what my future could look like and praying about what God has in store for me. How I did I forget about all those parts of me? Why do I spend so much time at home pushing my thoughts and feelings down? My opinions are just as important as anyone else's and instead I've learned to keep my guard up because I've gotten tired of the people around me making me feel awful for some of the things I think and believe.
There are so many little moments about being out here that I'm going to miss, such as the ridiculousness of Mike and I texting each other while in the house together, like we just now did. I'm going to miss sitting on the front porch together until 10 or 11 at night just talking and watching the grass grow. (No we really DID watch the grass grow because they just laid new sod in the yard so it's been fun to watch the sprinklers water it. Yes we are that lame. haha) I'm going to miss driving around in the truck with the windows down singing (badly!) at the tops of our lungs. I'm even going to miss him poking fun at me when we're at dinner or out with friends.
Somehow, in the last year, he has become the other half of me, the side of me that doesn't show very often. He pushes me in my faith and to discover who I really am and what I think and believe. He makes me laugh in a moment when I feel like I could cry. He listens to me vent and whine (a lot!) about things that probably aren't worth being upset over. I never expected him to become my best friend, but he has. He's the one person who can tell me like it is, know it'll piss me off, and know I'll take it because I know in the end he's usually right. Leaving here on Saturday is going to break my heart simply because I know for the next nine months all we're going to have is our weekly phone calls and random text messages here and there.
It sucks when all of your best friends are scattered so far away. I'm blessed at home to have Megan. She is my heart and my rock in Cincinnati and without her, I would be lost. But then, I have Diana and Denise in Youngstown, two of the people who have known me the longest. It doesn't matter how far apart we are or how long it's been since we've seen each other. We pick right back up where we left off. I also have a circle of close friends in Cincinnati, people who my life would be incomplete without.
And then, here in Denver, is Mike. I truly mean it when I say I never expected us to become the friends we are now. When I first came out here in March of 2010 I thought I was coming out to reconnect with family. Instead, I gained a new best friend, someone my life would be a mess without. I never expected this, but I am so very blessed to have someone so amazing in my life.
I need to stop writing. I just broke down in tears when Angie walked in. I told myself I wouldn't cry until Saturday in the privacy of my own car but I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears shed in the next 48 hours as these goodbyes loom on the horizon. I hate this.
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