Love is a choice

Last night was Ebonie's wedding and the second wedding I've attended in two weeks. Since I was so sick at Bethany's wedding, it was nice to actually be able to have a good time and enjoy myself at Ebonie's. Tym went along as my date (Amy graciously allowed me to borrow her boyfriend for the evening-thanks Amy!) and I don't think I've laughed as much as I did last night in awhile. He had me cracking up on the dance floor and he learned that I have no rhythm what so ever! It was hilarious watching me try to do the Cupid Shuffle and the Booty Call! Someone should have gotten it on video because it was entertaining!

During the wedding ceremony itself, Ebonie's pastor made a comment about love being a choice. She told Ebonie and Kelvin that even when they're tired and frustrated with each other, that they should choose to love each other and work through their differences. That comment really stuck with Tym and I and we got into a huge discussion about it during the reception while we waited for dinner.

Today at church, my pastor made a comment about love being a verb and that love is something you do, and not something you feel. We were talking about sharing the love of Christ and going out into the world and showing Christ's love by our actions. As he was talking about love being a verb, I was thinking about what Ebonie's pastor had said and it made me realize how much I have to learn about love and relationships.

I told Tym as we waited for the ceremony to start that it was the season for everyone to get married and that it seemed as if everyone I knew was getting married. He rolled his eyes and was like, "We talk about this everyday!" to which I told him that we didn't. He started to say something about how it would be my turn eventually and I interrupted and told him that I truly was okay with everyone I know getting married but I know he didn't believe me.

However, I am okay with it because after some soul searching and heart to heart conversations with God lately, I know I'm not ready for marriage. I know I am not ready to commit to a relationship and spending the rest of my life with somebody. I have things I still need to learn about love and what it means to love someone as Christ loved the church. I want to seek the Lord first and when He feels I'm ready, then I'll be ready for that next journey in my life.

Do I get lonely? Yes. Does it upset me when everyone else is going out on dates and I'm not? Yes. Does it bother me that I have to borrow a friend's boyfriend to go to a wedding? Yes. (However I had a great time and since he knew Ebonie there was no one else I would have had more fun with!) Do I think I know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with? Yes. (Don't even ask-only certain people know and right now I'm still praying about what it is God is showing me in regards to this person).

Even with all of this, I know I'm not at a point in my life where I believe I could give myself 100% to a relationship. God still has a lot of work to do in me and through me and once He feels I'm ready for that, then I'm ready to embark on that journey. For now, I just want to see where He's going to take me next.