I figured it was time for a real update since I haven't updated since the Turkey Trot. There's been a lot that has gone on, most of which I can't update about here because this blog is too public and I don't know who reads it. Those of you who are privy to my more private blog already know and if you don't know, then ask and I'll give you updates.
I think the biggest update is that I don't think things with this new guy are going to work out for numerous reasons but the biggest reason of all is because of my own heart. Again, this goes back to my more personal blog so I'm just going to leave it at that. I'm waiting to see if he's going to call or text me again. I'm not going to keep pursuing this because I just don't feel that it's right. My friends have all asked me what I would do if he were to ask me out again and I honestly don't know. That's one of those things where I'll have to wait and see as it happens.
Tonight is my last night of classes for fall quarter. Finals are next week but my finals are both online so I don't have to come to campus next week. My Stats class doesn't have an attendance policy so I skipped class tonight and I'm currently sitting in the student center working on my 10-15 page research paper I have due next week. I figured that was more important than trudging up the hill in the rain to sit through a class where the TA reads verbatim from the power point. I can do that myself.
I love that Jesus Loves Me by the Go Fish guys just came on my Itunes. Brings back such fun memories from VBA this past summer. I had so much fun with my crew of girls and then leading music for the inner city church that brought their children's ministry to our church for a mini VBA. Ok...end side tangent. :-P
I'm flying out to Arizona in April for Beth's wedding so I'm currently looking up different flight options. Every single flight I've looked at has a layover in Denver so I'm actually going to extend my layover and stay in Denver overnight because Mike's birthday falls on that Friday night and I want to be there to celebrate this year. So basically I'm looking at flying out of Dayton or Cincinnati late Thursday evening, staying in Denver Thursday night to Friday night, flying to Arizona on Friday and then flying back to Ohio on Sunday. Lots of flying but it'll be so worth it.
Speaking of Mike...I don't know what I would do without him in my life. Going out to Denver last March was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made. I jokingly call him my soul mate but quite honestly, he is the gay male equivalent of me. He hears everything and I mean everything about my life and we have such an open relationship that we can be brutally honest with each other without having to worry about pissing each other off and hurting each other's feelings. In the last nine months he has quickly become one of the best friends I've ever had and I would be so lost without him.
Ok, end sappy part of my entry. I really should be working on my paper. That's why I skipped class in the first place. The more I can get done over the next couple days, the less I have to do when I'm with Vince this weekend in Athens. We're having a movie and wine night on Friday night when I get into town, something we both desperately seem to need. I can't wait to curl up on his futon and just talk about everything that's happened since we last saw each other. I live for these weekends with him where I can be myself and just relax.
Ok, seriously. Time to go be studious. Or something close to that. I have an hour and a half before my next class so I need to get some work done!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Turkey Trot 10k
I ran my first 10k this morning...in the rain! My pre-race traditions seem to continue and I couldn't sleep last night because I started doubting myself even though I know I've been training for weeks for this and knew I was more than capable to be running this morning. I set the alarm for 6:30 this morning so I could get up and eat before the race and once again, like the last three, I couldn't eat because my nerves were just too worked up. This comes back to kill me about halfway through a race because I lose all of my energy. I'm going to have to get over that for the Pig because I can't run 13.1 miles without eating anything the morning of.
Megan and I left the house around 7:10 and began our drive downtown. Of course it was pouring down rain and I knew this was how it was going to continue. However, we lucked out and by 9 a.m. when the race started, it was just a slow drizzle that really wasn't too bad. I think we got poured on once during the entire race but at that point, it felt good because we were hot from running.
We finished the full 6.2 miles in 1:39:22, which means I was able to maintain a 16 minute mile, even when walking. We walked a good chunk of it, especially the hills, but I did push myself when I was running so I feel like I'm making progress. I'm very pleased with how well we did and running in the rain this morning was a good training experience for the half-marathon because it almost always seems to rain on that day. I think I strained something in my leg though when I went sliding on the painted lines in the road and tried to keep my balance without wiping out. I took three ibuprofen when I got home from dinner which seems to have helped but I'm still limping a bit.
Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. My aunt, my cousin, and I had all run today so by the time I got to dinner (lunch I guess since we ate at 1) I was ready to sleep. It was fun spending time with the extended family and talking about school, work, and running with them. Of course the new guy came up because my cousin Kim saw my facebook status so I shared some of what I know about him with my cousin Vicki. They're all excited for me but my uncle Gary told me if I keep him away from the family too long that when I finally do bring him around, they'll make sure they embarrass me! Oh how I love my family! :-P
Speaking of the boy, we're having brunch tomorrow! We've been chatting for the last hour through text messages and I was telling him how I want hot chocolate but don't want to go to Starbucks alone and he told me not to waste my time or energy and to make Swiss Miss instead. I told him I don't like hot chocolate from a box because it doesn't taste right or I just don't make it right. He told me he'd invite me over for a cup tonight but he doesn't want me driving in this nasty weather. How sweet is he?!? I'm looking forward to spending time with him tomorrow. :-)
Alright, half time is over. Back to yelling at my poor pitiful Bengals team. *sigh* Is it baseball season yet??
Megan and I left the house around 7:10 and began our drive downtown. Of course it was pouring down rain and I knew this was how it was going to continue. However, we lucked out and by 9 a.m. when the race started, it was just a slow drizzle that really wasn't too bad. I think we got poured on once during the entire race but at that point, it felt good because we were hot from running.
We finished the full 6.2 miles in 1:39:22, which means I was able to maintain a 16 minute mile, even when walking. We walked a good chunk of it, especially the hills, but I did push myself when I was running so I feel like I'm making progress. I'm very pleased with how well we did and running in the rain this morning was a good training experience for the half-marathon because it almost always seems to rain on that day. I think I strained something in my leg though when I went sliding on the painted lines in the road and tried to keep my balance without wiping out. I took three ibuprofen when I got home from dinner which seems to have helped but I'm still limping a bit.
Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. My aunt, my cousin, and I had all run today so by the time I got to dinner (lunch I guess since we ate at 1) I was ready to sleep. It was fun spending time with the extended family and talking about school, work, and running with them. Of course the new guy came up because my cousin Kim saw my facebook status so I shared some of what I know about him with my cousin Vicki. They're all excited for me but my uncle Gary told me if I keep him away from the family too long that when I finally do bring him around, they'll make sure they embarrass me! Oh how I love my family! :-P
Speaking of the boy, we're having brunch tomorrow! We've been chatting for the last hour through text messages and I was telling him how I want hot chocolate but don't want to go to Starbucks alone and he told me not to waste my time or energy and to make Swiss Miss instead. I told him I don't like hot chocolate from a box because it doesn't taste right or I just don't make it right. He told me he'd invite me over for a cup tonight but he doesn't want me driving in this nasty weather. How sweet is he?!? I'm looking forward to spending time with him tomorrow. :-)
Alright, half time is over. Back to yelling at my poor pitiful Bengals team. *sigh* Is it baseball season yet??
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Twas the night before the turkey trot...
Twas the night before the turkey trot, not a creature was stirring, not even me. Okay, not quite the same tune, but you get my drift. I've been home from work since 5:15 and all I've done is lay on the couch in my pajamas. This has become my newest pre-race tradition. I don't make plans for the night before and I just relax to get myself pumped for the race.
Tomorrow is my first ever 10k, or 6.2 miles for those not familiar with the running lingo. My ipod is currently charging and has been updated with new music to keep me pumped and ready to run. The weather isn't supposed to be the greatest but at least it's not supposed to be as cold as it was today. The current forecast for 9 a.m. is scattered showers and temps in the mid 50s. I can handle the temps but running in the rain will be new territory for me. At least it'll toughen me up (as my uncle so lovingly said earlier on facebook!) to get me ready for the Pig because it seems like it rains every year on the day of the Pig.
As I stared at my running clothes in the bathroom earlier, it amazes me how much I've changed and grown in the last year. This time last year I was a year into my gym contract but wasn't running at all. A year later, I'm up to six miles and halfway through my training for the half marathon. I never thought I'd be a person who loves to run but it's become my stress relief, the one thing that keeps me sane through the crazy parts of my life. More of my money has gone towards new running clothes in the last few months than anything else I've bought and I don't regret a single cent of it.
I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my training is to NOT set a time goal for myself. I know my pace and I know what I'm comfortable at so setting a time goal isn't what matters. What matters is that I cross that finish line and prove to myself that I was able to do something I never thought I could do.
I never thought I'd be at this place, training for and actually running different races but this is my life now and I love it. I love this confident person I've become since I started running. I love being able to walk into a room with my head held high knowing I'm comfortable in my own skin and proud of how far I've come.
Here's to an amazing race tomorrow! 6.2 miles here I come!!
Tomorrow is my first ever 10k, or 6.2 miles for those not familiar with the running lingo. My ipod is currently charging and has been updated with new music to keep me pumped and ready to run. The weather isn't supposed to be the greatest but at least it's not supposed to be as cold as it was today. The current forecast for 9 a.m. is scattered showers and temps in the mid 50s. I can handle the temps but running in the rain will be new territory for me. At least it'll toughen me up (as my uncle so lovingly said earlier on facebook!) to get me ready for the Pig because it seems like it rains every year on the day of the Pig.
As I stared at my running clothes in the bathroom earlier, it amazes me how much I've changed and grown in the last year. This time last year I was a year into my gym contract but wasn't running at all. A year later, I'm up to six miles and halfway through my training for the half marathon. I never thought I'd be a person who loves to run but it's become my stress relief, the one thing that keeps me sane through the crazy parts of my life. More of my money has gone towards new running clothes in the last few months than anything else I've bought and I don't regret a single cent of it.
I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my training is to NOT set a time goal for myself. I know my pace and I know what I'm comfortable at so setting a time goal isn't what matters. What matters is that I cross that finish line and prove to myself that I was able to do something I never thought I could do.
I never thought I'd be at this place, training for and actually running different races but this is my life now and I love it. I love this confident person I've become since I started running. I love being able to walk into a room with my head held high knowing I'm comfortable in my own skin and proud of how far I've come.
Here's to an amazing race tomorrow! 6.2 miles here I come!!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
First date
Last night was the best first date I've ever been on. I wasn't 100% sure going into it that it was a date but about half an hour into it, I realized it was, not only because he insisted on paying for dinner as soon as we sat down but because he actually called it a date. *insert girly squeal here!*
I went over to my friend Amy's after work to change clothes and get ready which was so fun in itself. It's been so long since I've gotten ready for a night out with one of my girl friends. We had Pandora cranked up on my blackberry and we were trading make up back and forth and talking about my date. I jokingly told Amy at one point that I didn't know who was more excited, me or her! She held me hostage after I had gotten ready because she told me I needed to be "fashionably late." She finally let me leave and even though I was still early, Jeremy was already waiting for me.
We sat down to dinner and as soon as we sat down he told me to order whatever I wanted, that it was on him. I looked at him and told him that he didn't have to pay for dinner but he told me that he knew that, but because he had asked me out he was paying. As soon as we ordered (after a huge fiasco with our waiter who was a jerk for the rest of the night) we just started talking. Once we started, it was non-stop for the rest of the time we were together. We talked about everything from politics to religion to education and even his kids. He had me laughing so much and at times so hard that people at the table next to us kept looking over at us!
At one point, Amy and our other co-worker Missy "crashed" my date! They knew that Jeremy was taking me to O'Charley's for dinner and they came in and looked for me. Once they got to our table, they acted like they didn't know I was going to be there and then made it a point not only to introduce themselves to Jeremy, but to point out the fact that I had straightened my hair and put make up on. *cue blushing* I was mortified! Luckily Jeremy took it all in stride and was so polite to them. I was ten shades of red when they walked away but Jeremy took us right back into conversation and all of my morification just melted away at how quickly he made me comfortable again.
Eventually we moved our date from O'Charley's to Dairy Queen where we sat and talked for another two hours. We got comfortable with each other to the point that we were actually teasing each other and poking fun at each other, especially at our ages. I can't help but wonder if maybe part of him is concerned about the fact that we're ten years apart because he joked about it a lot while we were on our date. Whenever he would bring it up I'd tease right back and then we'd slip right back into conversation.
Not once during the night was there an awkward pause or a loss of conversation. You just couldn't shut the two of us up. The only reason we ended our date when we did was because the girl at Dairy Queen was sweeping the floor and we thought they were closing. We ended up lingering in the parking lot for about 15 more minutes just talking and at one point you could tell we were awkwardly trying to figure out how to say goodnight, whether we should hug or just leave so we just left. haha! If you couldn't tell we were on a first date before then, you definitely could after!
I think the best part of the entire evening was when we were talking about the things we do outside of work and our churches came up. It was such a sigh of relief for me to find out that we believe the same things spiritually! The only difference in our church going beliefs is that he prefers a more traditional service and I prefer the contemporary service at my church. I actually have a worship mix on my Itunes that I'm going to burn and give to him the next time we hang out because he told me he's willing to try anything once so I figured I'd share with him why I like what I do.
I know it was only a first date, but I really like this one. I'm hoping he stays around for awhile. I know the timing is going to be slower than your typical dating relationship, especially because there are kids involved, but I am not opposed to seeing where this goes, especially since I now know we share the same spiritual beliefs. Along with that, we even talked about raising kids and being a stay at home mom! (Not as in us of course-just in general). He told me he's not opposed to his wife going back to work once the kids are at a school age but before that, he thinks kids are better raised at home with their family and not in an all day day-care or preschool setting. (This all came up because we were talking about my job and I griped about parents like that). When he made those comments, I just wanted to swoon right there. I love that we're already on the same page about that!
The cynical side of me is already looking for reasons why this could fall apart while the emotional side of me is ready to jump in head first. I'm praying like crazy to guard my own heart so that I don't get hurt. I know there's a chance it could happen but he's the first guy I've met in awhile that I'm willing to take that risk with. This is all happening so quickly that I'm still processing. I never expected to agree to letting Andrea introduce us last week and then actually going out on a date this week.
I'm ready to take this as slow as it needs to go and I'm praying for guidance on it, for protection of my heart, and for God to show us what His plan is. That alone is the most important factor in my opinion. It's such a comfort to know we share a mutual love for the Lord. That's so important to me in a relationship.
I haven't been able to stop smiling since Friday. I was alone in the car tonight and just kept thinking of Friday night and I could feel the grin just slide across my face. I have butterflies whenever I think of him and I'm excited for the next time we get to spend time together.
Now that it's taken over an hour to write this entry (I've been distracted several times!) I'm going to bed to pray this out and then get some sleep.
Sweet dreams. I know mine will be. :-)
I went over to my friend Amy's after work to change clothes and get ready which was so fun in itself. It's been so long since I've gotten ready for a night out with one of my girl friends. We had Pandora cranked up on my blackberry and we were trading make up back and forth and talking about my date. I jokingly told Amy at one point that I didn't know who was more excited, me or her! She held me hostage after I had gotten ready because she told me I needed to be "fashionably late." She finally let me leave and even though I was still early, Jeremy was already waiting for me.
We sat down to dinner and as soon as we sat down he told me to order whatever I wanted, that it was on him. I looked at him and told him that he didn't have to pay for dinner but he told me that he knew that, but because he had asked me out he was paying. As soon as we ordered (after a huge fiasco with our waiter who was a jerk for the rest of the night) we just started talking. Once we started, it was non-stop for the rest of the time we were together. We talked about everything from politics to religion to education and even his kids. He had me laughing so much and at times so hard that people at the table next to us kept looking over at us!
At one point, Amy and our other co-worker Missy "crashed" my date! They knew that Jeremy was taking me to O'Charley's for dinner and they came in and looked for me. Once they got to our table, they acted like they didn't know I was going to be there and then made it a point not only to introduce themselves to Jeremy, but to point out the fact that I had straightened my hair and put make up on. *cue blushing* I was mortified! Luckily Jeremy took it all in stride and was so polite to them. I was ten shades of red when they walked away but Jeremy took us right back into conversation and all of my morification just melted away at how quickly he made me comfortable again.
Eventually we moved our date from O'Charley's to Dairy Queen where we sat and talked for another two hours. We got comfortable with each other to the point that we were actually teasing each other and poking fun at each other, especially at our ages. I can't help but wonder if maybe part of him is concerned about the fact that we're ten years apart because he joked about it a lot while we were on our date. Whenever he would bring it up I'd tease right back and then we'd slip right back into conversation.
Not once during the night was there an awkward pause or a loss of conversation. You just couldn't shut the two of us up. The only reason we ended our date when we did was because the girl at Dairy Queen was sweeping the floor and we thought they were closing. We ended up lingering in the parking lot for about 15 more minutes just talking and at one point you could tell we were awkwardly trying to figure out how to say goodnight, whether we should hug or just leave so we just left. haha! If you couldn't tell we were on a first date before then, you definitely could after!
I think the best part of the entire evening was when we were talking about the things we do outside of work and our churches came up. It was such a sigh of relief for me to find out that we believe the same things spiritually! The only difference in our church going beliefs is that he prefers a more traditional service and I prefer the contemporary service at my church. I actually have a worship mix on my Itunes that I'm going to burn and give to him the next time we hang out because he told me he's willing to try anything once so I figured I'd share with him why I like what I do.
I know it was only a first date, but I really like this one. I'm hoping he stays around for awhile. I know the timing is going to be slower than your typical dating relationship, especially because there are kids involved, but I am not opposed to seeing where this goes, especially since I now know we share the same spiritual beliefs. Along with that, we even talked about raising kids and being a stay at home mom! (Not as in us of course-just in general). He told me he's not opposed to his wife going back to work once the kids are at a school age but before that, he thinks kids are better raised at home with their family and not in an all day day-care or preschool setting. (This all came up because we were talking about my job and I griped about parents like that). When he made those comments, I just wanted to swoon right there. I love that we're already on the same page about that!
The cynical side of me is already looking for reasons why this could fall apart while the emotional side of me is ready to jump in head first. I'm praying like crazy to guard my own heart so that I don't get hurt. I know there's a chance it could happen but he's the first guy I've met in awhile that I'm willing to take that risk with. This is all happening so quickly that I'm still processing. I never expected to agree to letting Andrea introduce us last week and then actually going out on a date this week.
I'm ready to take this as slow as it needs to go and I'm praying for guidance on it, for protection of my heart, and for God to show us what His plan is. That alone is the most important factor in my opinion. It's such a comfort to know we share a mutual love for the Lord. That's so important to me in a relationship.
I haven't been able to stop smiling since Friday. I was alone in the car tonight and just kept thinking of Friday night and I could feel the grin just slide across my face. I have butterflies whenever I think of him and I'm excited for the next time we get to spend time together.
Now that it's taken over an hour to write this entry (I've been distracted several times!) I'm going to bed to pray this out and then get some sleep.
Sweet dreams. I know mine will be. :-)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Sweetly dreaming
I know I need to share details but all you get tonight is that I had a great time on my date and have so much peace about seeing where this goes. For tonight, I just want to soak in the details by myself before sharing them with the world.
All I can say is that tonight's dreams will be very, very sweet.
All I can say is that tonight's dreams will be very, very sweet.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Second date!
Guess who has a second date tomorrow night?!? I DO!!!!
Jeremy and I were texting this afternoon and talking about getting coffee after work tomorrow when he suggested dinner instead! So we're getting dinner tomorrow night when I get off of work!!!
AHHH!!! I am freaking out right now!!! I'm hoping I can eat since I haven't been able to keep anything down but toast today.
And I'm soooo nervous!!! AHHH!!!! I'm going to be freaking out all day tomorrow!! And this entry has taken me a million tries to write because I'm so excited I keep making typos!!
AHHH!!! YAY!!!!
Jeremy and I were texting this afternoon and talking about getting coffee after work tomorrow when he suggested dinner instead! So we're getting dinner tomorrow night when I get off of work!!!
AHHH!!! I am freaking out right now!!! I'm hoping I can eat since I haven't been able to keep anything down but toast today.
And I'm soooo nervous!!! AHHH!!!! I'm going to be freaking out all day tomorrow!! And this entry has taken me a million tries to write because I'm so excited I keep making typos!!
AHHH!!! YAY!!!!
Just my luck
As I write this, I'm currently sitting at home curled up on the couch under my UC blanket. I took a sick day from work today after getting sent home yesterday afternoon right after my lunch break because I started getting sick. It all came on quickly.
At 10:30 yesterday morning I started getting really bad stomach cramps but still felt fine. I thought I was just hungry. Over the course of the next hour as I sat down to lunch with my kiddos, it got so bad that I was doubled over holding my stomach. Stacey sent me to the bathroom and even that didn't help. At noon one of our other girls came over to break me and I sat in my car trying to convince myself I wasn't sick. That only worked for about 45 minutes before I finally did get sick. Twice in ten minutes to be exact so Stephanie sent me home. I spent about eight and a half hours getting sick before it finally passed. I fell asleep around midnight and slept until 10:30 this morning.
I feel okay right now. In fact, I woke up hungry but I figured I should probably try and keep water down first before I attempt food. Last night I couldn't even keep water down. I really want some toast and juice but I'm going to wait for another hour or so to make sure this bug has really passed. The best part of it is that it truly is short lived. It last about 12-24 hours and then it's done.
The best perk of being sick? I've been curled up in bed watching episodes of Law and Order SVU and Bones on Netflix. This morning there's a House marathon on so I'm sitting on the couch watching that right now. I can't fathom the idea of laying in bed anymore because I've been laying in bed since two yesterday afternoon and my back actually hurts from laying in bed for so long.
I should go strip my bed and wash the sheets now since I spent all day yesterday sick in bed. Blah.
At 10:30 yesterday morning I started getting really bad stomach cramps but still felt fine. I thought I was just hungry. Over the course of the next hour as I sat down to lunch with my kiddos, it got so bad that I was doubled over holding my stomach. Stacey sent me to the bathroom and even that didn't help. At noon one of our other girls came over to break me and I sat in my car trying to convince myself I wasn't sick. That only worked for about 45 minutes before I finally did get sick. Twice in ten minutes to be exact so Stephanie sent me home. I spent about eight and a half hours getting sick before it finally passed. I fell asleep around midnight and slept until 10:30 this morning.
I feel okay right now. In fact, I woke up hungry but I figured I should probably try and keep water down first before I attempt food. Last night I couldn't even keep water down. I really want some toast and juice but I'm going to wait for another hour or so to make sure this bug has really passed. The best part of it is that it truly is short lived. It last about 12-24 hours and then it's done.
The best perk of being sick? I've been curled up in bed watching episodes of Law and Order SVU and Bones on Netflix. This morning there's a House marathon on so I'm sitting on the couch watching that right now. I can't fathom the idea of laying in bed anymore because I've been laying in bed since two yesterday afternoon and my back actually hurts from laying in bed for so long.
I should go strip my bed and wash the sheets now since I spent all day yesterday sick in bed. Blah.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thoughts from "that" girl
Since Friday, I have found myself being "that" girl. The one sitting by the phone, whose heart leaps into her throat each time it rings or beeps with a text message, hoping it's the guy she went out with over the weekend. Each time, my heart comes crashing back down with disappointment.
I don't know how to do this. It's been so long since I've gone out on a real date that I don't know how it works anymore. I know that this situation especially is delicate because there are kids involved. I never thought I'd let myself even consider dating a man who has kids and now I find myself genuinely interested in getting to know this guy and I don't know how to work this situation.
I've text him here and there but so far nothing seems to pan out from his end. Andrea keeps telling me I need to take it slow, that he's been hurt in the past and that if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have asked for my phone number and suggested we get together again. But still, my stupid girl heart keeps thinking that because he hasn't called, he's truly not interested. On Sunday evening, I suggested we get coffee later in the week or over the weekend and his response was "I'll try. I'll text you again later in the week" and my girl brain took that to mean he truly wasn't interested and didn't want to see me again.
I hate that I've gotten my hopes up, that I've met someone I actually want to get to know, and now I find myself being the girl I always hated-the one sitting by the phone waiting for a guy who may or may not call her. I hate that I've done this to myself and the fact that everyone is being vocal on their opinions of this particular person. All I want is to be happy and instead I'm making my own self miserable by waiting on something that may or may not happen and letting everyone give me their two cents, when really it doesn't matter what anyone but myself thinks.
How long do I wait before I call him and ask him to get together? I don't want to be pushy but I genuinely do want to get to know him. So how long do I wait for him before I give in and call him?
AHHHHHH!!!! WHY HAVE I BECOME THAT GIRL THAT I HATE?!?!?
I don't know how to do this. It's been so long since I've gone out on a real date that I don't know how it works anymore. I know that this situation especially is delicate because there are kids involved. I never thought I'd let myself even consider dating a man who has kids and now I find myself genuinely interested in getting to know this guy and I don't know how to work this situation.
I've text him here and there but so far nothing seems to pan out from his end. Andrea keeps telling me I need to take it slow, that he's been hurt in the past and that if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have asked for my phone number and suggested we get together again. But still, my stupid girl heart keeps thinking that because he hasn't called, he's truly not interested. On Sunday evening, I suggested we get coffee later in the week or over the weekend and his response was "I'll try. I'll text you again later in the week" and my girl brain took that to mean he truly wasn't interested and didn't want to see me again.
I hate that I've gotten my hopes up, that I've met someone I actually want to get to know, and now I find myself being the girl I always hated-the one sitting by the phone waiting for a guy who may or may not call her. I hate that I've done this to myself and the fact that everyone is being vocal on their opinions of this particular person. All I want is to be happy and instead I'm making my own self miserable by waiting on something that may or may not happen and letting everyone give me their two cents, when really it doesn't matter what anyone but myself thinks.
How long do I wait before I call him and ask him to get together? I don't want to be pushy but I genuinely do want to get to know him. So how long do I wait for him before I give in and call him?
AHHHHHH!!!! WHY HAVE I BECOME THAT GIRL THAT I HATE?!?!?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Blind date
Since I'm home, I figure it's time to give you all details since I left you all hanging in suspense on Friday. Denise, read no further until I call you tonight!
Last week, I wrote an entry about how Megan wanted to set me up on a blind date and that I had agreed to let her give this guy she knows my phone number. Well, nothing came of that because he never called me or anything.
On Thursday night, I drove up to Dayton to have dinner and hang out with Andrea who was in town for a funeral. We had such a great time hanging out and laughing with her family and it was such a good reminder for us that no matter how far apart we are, we'll always be best friends. I can't imagine what life would be like without her.
On Friday morning, she was working out of Cincinnati International Airport (she actually works in Minneapolis) so we were chatting on the phone on our drives to work. She asked me about my facebook status about the blind date so I shared with her about Megan wanting to set me up. She then proceeded to tell me about this guy she works with when she works at CVG (the airport) and that she thought we would like each other. I fought her for awhile, telling her I had gotten my hopes up earlier in the week and that I wasn't going through that. She kept pushing so I finally agreed to it because I honestly didn't think it would go anywhere.
I'm not normally the type of person to wait by my phone but I checked it during a quick break I had taken at work and I had three text messages from her. One was a picture of Jeremy (that's his name) and two others were text messages saying that he thought I was cute and wanted to know when my break was because he wanted to drive in and take me to lunch. At first I was hesitant until she told me that she would be there to act as a buffer incase Jeremy and I didn't hit it off.
Well, imagine my surprise when we actually DID hit it off. We found out that we both have a slightly crazy obsession with Disney and we both love to travel. We chatted about Denver and it turns out he knows a lot of the places I've been to. We got so wrapped up in our conversation at one point that poor Andrea was just sitting in a corner texting her boyfriend on her cell phone. I apologized for that later but she told me it was what she had wanted to happen. haha
At the end of lunch (which he paid for!) he held the door open for us and then he shook my hand which I thought was cute. haha We exchanged numbers and I told him that we should do this again sometime without Andrea, which made both of us laugh. I went back to work all smiles and then had to explain myself to all of my coworkers and my boss, all of whom knew about my date because originally they weren't going to give me a lunch break and were going to send me home at 3 since I was supposed to leave at 4 anyway. I put my foot down though and fought Stacey until she agreed to find someone to cover me so I could still go on my date. Of course the entire staff found out, which doesn't surprise me since I work with 25 women! Gossip spreads quickly!
When I got off of work, I text Jeremy to tell him thank you for lunch and that I had a really good time. We chatted for a bit before I had to leave for camp and I haven't talked to him since because he's in Tennessee for the weekend. I haven't been able to get my mind off of him and did text him once last night to tell him I hoped he was having fun but left it at that. The ball is in his court now so if he really did like me, then it's his move.
Now, I owe you all an explanation. I was leery of going out with Jeremy because Andrea had told me he was 36, had been married, and has kids. Four of them to be exact. The age wasn't a factor for me, nor was the fact that he had been married. I can deal with those. But the fact that he has kids is a little scary for me. However, I decided to give it a try anyway and really surprised myself when I genuinely liked him. I hadn't expected to hit it off with him and counted this as one of those things I was doing to get Andrea off of my back so I was shocked when we clicked imediately.
I still have reservations about him having kids but at this stage in my life, the people in my life aren't surprised by the fact that I would even consider it. I've always been more mature for my age so dating someone older than me isn't an issue. Things just always get scary when kids are involved and when exes are involved. Considering I've never been in a relationship, this would be new territory for me.
I'm not sure what's going to happen honestly. Like I said, the ball is in his court. In the last 48 hours however, I've found myself being "that" girl, the one who is anxiously sitting by the phone waiting to see if he's going to call or not. It's driving me crazy that he hasn't, even though I know he's in Tennessee with his kids and that today they're driving home. He has full custody so I know things are going to be completely different for him than for me so I need to be patient.
The fact that he hasnn't called yet is giving me doubts though and making my brain go crazy. I text Andrea this morning and told her that I was afraid he hadn't called yet because he really didn't think I was cute and didn't like me, etc. Being the great best friend she is, she immediately sent me back a reply saying "Has he given you a reason to doubt? No! Remember he's with his kids, he could be driving home. You have to be patient," which I know is true. His timing is going to be different than mine, especially because he does have the kids. It's just driving me crazy not knowing if he actually liked me or not.
So there you have it. I had a really great time on Friday and I actually really liked him. I prayed about it a lot this weekend during fall retreat with the kids and I have peace about seeing where this goes, if it goes anywhere. I never thought I would consider this but I'm interested to see if it does go anywhere. I'm just a bundle of nerves waiting to see if anything is going to come of it. I know you risk getting hurt anytime you open yourself to something new and this is no different. It still doesn't make it easy. I hate waiting and I'm not the most patient person in the world but I'm trying.
I still have butterflies and smile whenever I think of Friday so we'll see what happens!
Last week, I wrote an entry about how Megan wanted to set me up on a blind date and that I had agreed to let her give this guy she knows my phone number. Well, nothing came of that because he never called me or anything.
On Thursday night, I drove up to Dayton to have dinner and hang out with Andrea who was in town for a funeral. We had such a great time hanging out and laughing with her family and it was such a good reminder for us that no matter how far apart we are, we'll always be best friends. I can't imagine what life would be like without her.
On Friday morning, she was working out of Cincinnati International Airport (she actually works in Minneapolis) so we were chatting on the phone on our drives to work. She asked me about my facebook status about the blind date so I shared with her about Megan wanting to set me up. She then proceeded to tell me about this guy she works with when she works at CVG (the airport) and that she thought we would like each other. I fought her for awhile, telling her I had gotten my hopes up earlier in the week and that I wasn't going through that. She kept pushing so I finally agreed to it because I honestly didn't think it would go anywhere.
I'm not normally the type of person to wait by my phone but I checked it during a quick break I had taken at work and I had three text messages from her. One was a picture of Jeremy (that's his name) and two others were text messages saying that he thought I was cute and wanted to know when my break was because he wanted to drive in and take me to lunch. At first I was hesitant until she told me that she would be there to act as a buffer incase Jeremy and I didn't hit it off.
Well, imagine my surprise when we actually DID hit it off. We found out that we both have a slightly crazy obsession with Disney and we both love to travel. We chatted about Denver and it turns out he knows a lot of the places I've been to. We got so wrapped up in our conversation at one point that poor Andrea was just sitting in a corner texting her boyfriend on her cell phone. I apologized for that later but she told me it was what she had wanted to happen. haha
At the end of lunch (which he paid for!) he held the door open for us and then he shook my hand which I thought was cute. haha We exchanged numbers and I told him that we should do this again sometime without Andrea, which made both of us laugh. I went back to work all smiles and then had to explain myself to all of my coworkers and my boss, all of whom knew about my date because originally they weren't going to give me a lunch break and were going to send me home at 3 since I was supposed to leave at 4 anyway. I put my foot down though and fought Stacey until she agreed to find someone to cover me so I could still go on my date. Of course the entire staff found out, which doesn't surprise me since I work with 25 women! Gossip spreads quickly!
When I got off of work, I text Jeremy to tell him thank you for lunch and that I had a really good time. We chatted for a bit before I had to leave for camp and I haven't talked to him since because he's in Tennessee for the weekend. I haven't been able to get my mind off of him and did text him once last night to tell him I hoped he was having fun but left it at that. The ball is in his court now so if he really did like me, then it's his move.
Now, I owe you all an explanation. I was leery of going out with Jeremy because Andrea had told me he was 36, had been married, and has kids. Four of them to be exact. The age wasn't a factor for me, nor was the fact that he had been married. I can deal with those. But the fact that he has kids is a little scary for me. However, I decided to give it a try anyway and really surprised myself when I genuinely liked him. I hadn't expected to hit it off with him and counted this as one of those things I was doing to get Andrea off of my back so I was shocked when we clicked imediately.
I still have reservations about him having kids but at this stage in my life, the people in my life aren't surprised by the fact that I would even consider it. I've always been more mature for my age so dating someone older than me isn't an issue. Things just always get scary when kids are involved and when exes are involved. Considering I've never been in a relationship, this would be new territory for me.
I'm not sure what's going to happen honestly. Like I said, the ball is in his court. In the last 48 hours however, I've found myself being "that" girl, the one who is anxiously sitting by the phone waiting to see if he's going to call or not. It's driving me crazy that he hasn't, even though I know he's in Tennessee with his kids and that today they're driving home. He has full custody so I know things are going to be completely different for him than for me so I need to be patient.
The fact that he hasnn't called yet is giving me doubts though and making my brain go crazy. I text Andrea this morning and told her that I was afraid he hadn't called yet because he really didn't think I was cute and didn't like me, etc. Being the great best friend she is, she immediately sent me back a reply saying "Has he given you a reason to doubt? No! Remember he's with his kids, he could be driving home. You have to be patient," which I know is true. His timing is going to be different than mine, especially because he does have the kids. It's just driving me crazy not knowing if he actually liked me or not.
So there you have it. I had a really great time on Friday and I actually really liked him. I prayed about it a lot this weekend during fall retreat with the kids and I have peace about seeing where this goes, if it goes anywhere. I never thought I would consider this but I'm interested to see if it does go anywhere. I'm just a bundle of nerves waiting to see if anything is going to come of it. I know you risk getting hurt anytime you open yourself to something new and this is no different. It still doesn't make it easy. I hate waiting and I'm not the most patient person in the world but I'm trying.
I still have butterflies and smile whenever I think of Friday so we'll see what happens!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Quick teaser!
Just a quick teaser to say I went out on a "date" today with a guy that one of my other friends set me up with. This one was completely different than the one I mentioned in the last entry and it all happened so quickly.
I have to leave for camp but I just wanted to leave a teaser saying that I went on a date and I'll fill you in when I get back on Sunday. All I can say is-I can't stop smiling and I have butterflies!
I have to leave for camp but I just wanted to leave a teaser saying that I went on a date and I'll fill you in when I get back on Sunday. All I can say is-I can't stop smiling and I have butterflies!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Matchmaker
Just a quick entry before bed because my four mile run is finally kicking in and the adrenaline has worn off so now I'm just exhausted.
Megan and I had dinner tonight and I was able to share with her a lot of what was on my heart, things I've been letting build up for awhile that I spilled out in an e-mail to my dear friend Heather last night. In the midst of that conversation, Megan jokingly asked me if she could set me up with a guy she used to date, someone who she's still friends with but thinks would be good for me.
At first, I told her she was crazy. But then I started thinking about it and kept asking myself what harm there could be in it. After all, I don't exactly travel in social circles with many available guys in my age group so how else am I going to meet someone if I don't put myself out there right? I posed the question to my facebook status and it wasn't long before I had close to 20 comments on it, some saying I shouldn't do it, but most saying I should.
I finally caved and gave Megan permission to work her magic. She has apparently given this guy my phone number and now I'm just waiting to see how this works outs. About an hour later I decided I didn't want to be "that" girl who sits by the phone anxiously waiting for a guy to call or not call so I made myself go to the gym and run the four miles I needed to run tonight, even though I had contemplated not going because Denise was working late. Those four miles did wonders for me because I was able to clear my head and forget about it while I watched the CMA's.
I had a great run though and loved pushing myself harder and further than I've pushed myself in the last several months of my training. I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning but it will be so well worth it.
Alright, I should get some sleep because I'm chaperoning fall retreat with the youth this weekend and I know I won't sleep much being in a cabin with a bunch of giggly junior high and high school girls!
Megan and I had dinner tonight and I was able to share with her a lot of what was on my heart, things I've been letting build up for awhile that I spilled out in an e-mail to my dear friend Heather last night. In the midst of that conversation, Megan jokingly asked me if she could set me up with a guy she used to date, someone who she's still friends with but thinks would be good for me.
At first, I told her she was crazy. But then I started thinking about it and kept asking myself what harm there could be in it. After all, I don't exactly travel in social circles with many available guys in my age group so how else am I going to meet someone if I don't put myself out there right? I posed the question to my facebook status and it wasn't long before I had close to 20 comments on it, some saying I shouldn't do it, but most saying I should.
I finally caved and gave Megan permission to work her magic. She has apparently given this guy my phone number and now I'm just waiting to see how this works outs. About an hour later I decided I didn't want to be "that" girl who sits by the phone anxiously waiting for a guy to call or not call so I made myself go to the gym and run the four miles I needed to run tonight, even though I had contemplated not going because Denise was working late. Those four miles did wonders for me because I was able to clear my head and forget about it while I watched the CMA's.
I had a great run though and loved pushing myself harder and further than I've pushed myself in the last several months of my training. I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning but it will be so well worth it.
Alright, I should get some sleep because I'm chaperoning fall retreat with the youth this weekend and I know I won't sleep much being in a cabin with a bunch of giggly junior high and high school girls!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Not where I pictured I'd be
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I think a lot of it is coming from being one of the only single people in my immediate circle of friends lately. I don't know how this has happened again but it has and it sucks. My weekends have been spent at home recently because on any given Friday and Saturday evening my friends are out on dates. Maybe that's why I've poured my life into my school work and running lately. It's the only thing I have keeping me going.
This isn't exactly where I pictured I'd be at 26. I thought by now I'd be married and getting ready to have kids. I thought I'd be out on my own instead of still living at home with my parents. The only thing that's going right is that I'm in school working on my Master's, taking steps towards being an advocate for our school children who don't have a voice for themselves. I'm living out my dream and proving to everyone who didn't believe in me growing up that I'm making something of myself.
I know that God has a plan and I know His timing is perfect, but right now, it's another season in my life that I'm struggling with. I'm struggling to understand why everyone my age is settling down in great careers, are in healthy and happy relationships, and are starting their families and God has asked me to remain single for this time. It just doesn't seem fair and maybe it's why I keep losing myself in these situations I know are unhealthy for me.
I hate that I keep letting myself fall into this season. 99% of the time I am perfectly content and don't let it bother me but every now and then I find myself struggling and wondering "why me?" I have so much else in my life that is fulfilling me that I don't know why I let this one area become the thing that I focus on. I'm running full speed ahead at my future, one that is bright as the sun and something I've always wanted to do. I'm in a place health wise where I'm taking care of my body and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. Running has given me this amazing confidence I never knew could exist in my life. I can look in the mirror and actually like (most of the time!) the person who is looking back at me. We all have those days where nothing we own fits right or when our hair just doesn't want to sit right. It's a part of life. But I can still walk into a room with my head held high, knowing that I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.
So why is it that I still feel myself longing for something God clearly doesn't have for me right now? It's not to say He never will. He may eventually bring along the right person for me, someone He has been molding to be my husband, but right now, He's asking me to be single and to be content with that. I need to learn what that contentment is all about. In the last 11 months, I don't feel like I've learned that at all. I don't know if taking another year off dating is the right response either, but I still feel as if I have a lot to learn about God's plan for my own personal life and where He is taking me. I can already feel Him convicting me in certain areas of my life and I need to stop taking those back from Him. He's trying to teach me lessons that are going to be crucial to my future so I need to step back and let Him reveal those lessons to me or else I'm never going to be able to see the bigger picture He has for my life.
The question is: how do you begin to achieve that contentment? What am I missing and how do I allow myself to be content in the Lord? You'd think after eight years of following the Lord that I would know the answer to that but I don't. Instead, I just keep floundering and allowing myself to get caught up in all these worldly emotions that make me human. All I want is to be Christ like and to let Him guide my life. How do I stop myself from taking the pen back out of His hand?
This isn't exactly where I pictured I'd be at 26. I thought by now I'd be married and getting ready to have kids. I thought I'd be out on my own instead of still living at home with my parents. The only thing that's going right is that I'm in school working on my Master's, taking steps towards being an advocate for our school children who don't have a voice for themselves. I'm living out my dream and proving to everyone who didn't believe in me growing up that I'm making something of myself.
I know that God has a plan and I know His timing is perfect, but right now, it's another season in my life that I'm struggling with. I'm struggling to understand why everyone my age is settling down in great careers, are in healthy and happy relationships, and are starting their families and God has asked me to remain single for this time. It just doesn't seem fair and maybe it's why I keep losing myself in these situations I know are unhealthy for me.
I hate that I keep letting myself fall into this season. 99% of the time I am perfectly content and don't let it bother me but every now and then I find myself struggling and wondering "why me?" I have so much else in my life that is fulfilling me that I don't know why I let this one area become the thing that I focus on. I'm running full speed ahead at my future, one that is bright as the sun and something I've always wanted to do. I'm in a place health wise where I'm taking care of my body and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. Running has given me this amazing confidence I never knew could exist in my life. I can look in the mirror and actually like (most of the time!) the person who is looking back at me. We all have those days where nothing we own fits right or when our hair just doesn't want to sit right. It's a part of life. But I can still walk into a room with my head held high, knowing that I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.
So why is it that I still feel myself longing for something God clearly doesn't have for me right now? It's not to say He never will. He may eventually bring along the right person for me, someone He has been molding to be my husband, but right now, He's asking me to be single and to be content with that. I need to learn what that contentment is all about. In the last 11 months, I don't feel like I've learned that at all. I don't know if taking another year off dating is the right response either, but I still feel as if I have a lot to learn about God's plan for my own personal life and where He is taking me. I can already feel Him convicting me in certain areas of my life and I need to stop taking those back from Him. He's trying to teach me lessons that are going to be crucial to my future so I need to step back and let Him reveal those lessons to me or else I'm never going to be able to see the bigger picture He has for my life.
The question is: how do you begin to achieve that contentment? What am I missing and how do I allow myself to be content in the Lord? You'd think after eight years of following the Lord that I would know the answer to that but I don't. Instead, I just keep floundering and allowing myself to get caught up in all these worldly emotions that make me human. All I want is to be Christ like and to let Him guide my life. How do I stop myself from taking the pen back out of His hand?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
The life of a busy grad student and runner
I realized I haven't done a proper update in weeks (unless you're privy to my more personal blog on another site) so I figured since I'm procrastinating that this would be the perfect time to do it. I'm not actually procrastinating-I'm giving my brain a small break after writing a reflection paper and taking a quiz before I start researching another paper and take my Stats midterm. :-P
My birthday weekend a couple weeks back was probably one of the best birthdays I've had in years, simply because I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm confident in myself and feel good about who I am and where I am in my life. Vince came in from Athens for the weekend which was fun as always. He put up with all my random shenanigans, including having to drive me home after my birthday dinner because I had two daiquiris that went straight to my head. haha
I ran a 5k the morning of my birthday celebration and finished in 47:48, cutting another minute off of my overall 5k time. I loved that I finished, but the week after the race was a difficult week in my half marathon training because I was disappointed in myself. I had set a goal of finishing in 45 minutes or under, which clearly didn't happen. On top of that, I didn't run as much of it as I had planned on doing because it was cold outside and it hurt my lungs to run in the cold. My training that week was rough because I just kept telling myself I couldn't do it, I don't know why I ever thought I could, and that I was crazy for thinking I could actually do something like running a half marathon.
Luckily, I have a GREAT training partner in Denise who was right there with me every step of the way pushing me and encouraging me and cheering me on through the darkest of moments that week. She kept reminding me of how far I've come since I officially started training in May and how far I've come in the year that I've been working out along side of her while she trained last year for the full marathon. Since that week, my training has kicked into full gear again and I'm now just weeks away from running my first 10k, which is 6.2 miles. I'm running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, something I have been eagerly looking forward to for the last couple of months. I completed my first four mile run last week and tomorrow I'm running five miles with Denise.
I have to give Denise major props-without her, I wouldn't be able to do this. She has been there every step of the way with me and she pushes me when I don't think I can keep running. She has put up with all of my whining about my various aches and pains (something I'm becoming accustomed to as a runner!) and my mental state and she still hasn't give up on me. If I were her, I would have gone running for the hills months ago but instead, she stays along side of me and just keeps cheering me on. She is my biggest fan and without her, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Other than the running and my birthday celebration, my life has been all work and school lately. I had to take two six hour inservices for work to keep my certification current so I spent four nights in the last two weeks at work for three extra hours both nights to sit through a Communicable Disease class and a Child Abuse and Neglect course. On those nights I also went straight to the gym for training runs, so I've been busy.
School is stressing me out this quarter. I'm taking a Group Theory and Process class, which I actually enjoy. I wish I had taken it before my practicum last spring because it would have been much more beneficial to running the groups at the school I was at. I'm also taking Stats, which has been the bane of my existence all quarter. All I do is study for that class, which is paying off because I have an A but I'm still stressed over it. I have to take my midterm tonight online so I'm praying I do well on it.
As the quarter winds down, I'm looking at one more quiz, a couple more journals, and a 10-15 page research paper for my Group Theory class. For Stats, I have I think two more assignments, the midterm, and a take home final to complete. My social life is pretty much non-existent between now and the week after Thanksgiving when the 10-15 page paper is due. The only exception to that is chaperoning fall retreat next weekend which I think will be good for us adults, along with the youth. I know all of this hard work is going to pay off when I'm looking at another quarter of excellent grades but I miss having a life!
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and where I want to be after grad school is done. I keep going back and forth on moving to Denver and I'm trying to figure out if that's where God is really calling me to. I'm going out for two weeks in June after spring classes are over and taking the state boards out there just so I can have a back up plan incase I can't find a job here. I'm also looking at getting licensed in Kentucky and Indiana since both of those are close to Cincinnati as well. I need to do some soul searching and praying to figure out exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Speaking of my spiritual life...well, that's where I've been struggling the most. I have felt so completely empty lately and finally broke down and met with my small group leader. He encouraged me to "cut the fat" and let go of things that I don't need in my life right now. We tried to figure out where I could make cuts and decided that my side baby-sitting jobs needed to go, especially since most of the families I was sitting for waited until the last minute to call me and I was taking the jobs because I needed the money. Since I was baby-sitting so much, I wasn't getting enough time to do homework and that just added to my stress level. I was choosing to sleep in on Sundays instead of going to church because I wasn't sleeping on the weekends so I could stay up late to do homework. It was a viscious cycle and it was killing me.
My wonderful and amazing friend Heather from OU has been so incredible through all of this. She follows me on twitter and has seen some of my more distressing tweets and so she and I now have a long distance accountability partnership going. We've vowed to spend 20 minutes a day in the Word and share with each other what we've learned and what the Lord is revealing to us. It's been so helpful and has left me feeling so refreshed. God knew exactly what I needed in letting us continue our friendship since we graduated from OU, even if she's in Indiana and I'm here in Ohio. I am so blessed by her friendship and I don't know what I would do without her.
I'm slowly coming up out of the pit that I've been in and can see the light on the other side of the valley. I know we have seasons in our life where we struggle and I'm blessed by the people the Lord has brought into my life to bring me through this latest valley in my life. I still have a lot of struggles going on in my heart (if you're privy to my other blog you know this) but I know that I'm going to be okay. It's going to take baby steps but by God's grace, I know He still loves me, regardless of the sins I commit and the choices I make in my life. His grace covers all and for that I am grateful.
For now, I need to run to the grocery store and then get back to the books so I can finish this midterm and start on my research paper. A few more weeks. I can make it right?
My birthday weekend a couple weeks back was probably one of the best birthdays I've had in years, simply because I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm confident in myself and feel good about who I am and where I am in my life. Vince came in from Athens for the weekend which was fun as always. He put up with all my random shenanigans, including having to drive me home after my birthday dinner because I had two daiquiris that went straight to my head. haha
I ran a 5k the morning of my birthday celebration and finished in 47:48, cutting another minute off of my overall 5k time. I loved that I finished, but the week after the race was a difficult week in my half marathon training because I was disappointed in myself. I had set a goal of finishing in 45 minutes or under, which clearly didn't happen. On top of that, I didn't run as much of it as I had planned on doing because it was cold outside and it hurt my lungs to run in the cold. My training that week was rough because I just kept telling myself I couldn't do it, I don't know why I ever thought I could, and that I was crazy for thinking I could actually do something like running a half marathon.
Luckily, I have a GREAT training partner in Denise who was right there with me every step of the way pushing me and encouraging me and cheering me on through the darkest of moments that week. She kept reminding me of how far I've come since I officially started training in May and how far I've come in the year that I've been working out along side of her while she trained last year for the full marathon. Since that week, my training has kicked into full gear again and I'm now just weeks away from running my first 10k, which is 6.2 miles. I'm running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day, something I have been eagerly looking forward to for the last couple of months. I completed my first four mile run last week and tomorrow I'm running five miles with Denise.
I have to give Denise major props-without her, I wouldn't be able to do this. She has been there every step of the way with me and she pushes me when I don't think I can keep running. She has put up with all of my whining about my various aches and pains (something I'm becoming accustomed to as a runner!) and my mental state and she still hasn't give up on me. If I were her, I would have gone running for the hills months ago but instead, she stays along side of me and just keeps cheering me on. She is my biggest fan and without her, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Other than the running and my birthday celebration, my life has been all work and school lately. I had to take two six hour inservices for work to keep my certification current so I spent four nights in the last two weeks at work for three extra hours both nights to sit through a Communicable Disease class and a Child Abuse and Neglect course. On those nights I also went straight to the gym for training runs, so I've been busy.
School is stressing me out this quarter. I'm taking a Group Theory and Process class, which I actually enjoy. I wish I had taken it before my practicum last spring because it would have been much more beneficial to running the groups at the school I was at. I'm also taking Stats, which has been the bane of my existence all quarter. All I do is study for that class, which is paying off because I have an A but I'm still stressed over it. I have to take my midterm tonight online so I'm praying I do well on it.
As the quarter winds down, I'm looking at one more quiz, a couple more journals, and a 10-15 page research paper for my Group Theory class. For Stats, I have I think two more assignments, the midterm, and a take home final to complete. My social life is pretty much non-existent between now and the week after Thanksgiving when the 10-15 page paper is due. The only exception to that is chaperoning fall retreat next weekend which I think will be good for us adults, along with the youth. I know all of this hard work is going to pay off when I'm looking at another quarter of excellent grades but I miss having a life!
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and where I want to be after grad school is done. I keep going back and forth on moving to Denver and I'm trying to figure out if that's where God is really calling me to. I'm going out for two weeks in June after spring classes are over and taking the state boards out there just so I can have a back up plan incase I can't find a job here. I'm also looking at getting licensed in Kentucky and Indiana since both of those are close to Cincinnati as well. I need to do some soul searching and praying to figure out exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Speaking of my spiritual life...well, that's where I've been struggling the most. I have felt so completely empty lately and finally broke down and met with my small group leader. He encouraged me to "cut the fat" and let go of things that I don't need in my life right now. We tried to figure out where I could make cuts and decided that my side baby-sitting jobs needed to go, especially since most of the families I was sitting for waited until the last minute to call me and I was taking the jobs because I needed the money. Since I was baby-sitting so much, I wasn't getting enough time to do homework and that just added to my stress level. I was choosing to sleep in on Sundays instead of going to church because I wasn't sleeping on the weekends so I could stay up late to do homework. It was a viscious cycle and it was killing me.
My wonderful and amazing friend Heather from OU has been so incredible through all of this. She follows me on twitter and has seen some of my more distressing tweets and so she and I now have a long distance accountability partnership going. We've vowed to spend 20 minutes a day in the Word and share with each other what we've learned and what the Lord is revealing to us. It's been so helpful and has left me feeling so refreshed. God knew exactly what I needed in letting us continue our friendship since we graduated from OU, even if she's in Indiana and I'm here in Ohio. I am so blessed by her friendship and I don't know what I would do without her.
I'm slowly coming up out of the pit that I've been in and can see the light on the other side of the valley. I know we have seasons in our life where we struggle and I'm blessed by the people the Lord has brought into my life to bring me through this latest valley in my life. I still have a lot of struggles going on in my heart (if you're privy to my other blog you know this) but I know that I'm going to be okay. It's going to take baby steps but by God's grace, I know He still loves me, regardless of the sins I commit and the choices I make in my life. His grace covers all and for that I am grateful.
For now, I need to run to the grocery store and then get back to the books so I can finish this midterm and start on my research paper. A few more weeks. I can make it right?
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