Finding myself in the Lord

This entry may be all over the place as I try to explain some of what I've been feeling lately.

I gave my life to the Lord back in November of 2002 and immediately launched myself into events at church. I was active in the youth group and then I started volunteering with the children's ministry. Over the last seven years, I've done everything from leading crews at Vacation Bible Adventure to subbing as one of the preschool Sunday school teachers. Occasionally, I've helped out with other events at the church and last night was no different.

Last night, my church showed the movie Fireproof. I offered to help serve desserts and do whatever else needed to be done before the movie began. After we had gotten the dessert table set up and the coffee bar organized, I got pulled to the nursery for about 15 minutes until the people who had signed up to work in there arrived.

When I finally got in to watch the movie, I could feel God tugging at my heart and urging me to listen to what it was He wanted to tell me. I began praying and asking God to reveal Himself to me and what it was He wanted me to know and the more I prayed, the more I realized how much I have a heart for outreach ministry. Our church doesn't have a set outreach team, which I think is a shame. We had so many people show up last night who weren't from our church and it was such an encouragment to me to watch as members of our congregation reached out to them and made them feel welcome.

I was at church until almost 11 last night helping with the movie and then cleaning up afterward. This morning, I got up to go for coffee (ok I had a smoothie!) with my mentor and we were talking about how last night's event was such a success. I told her how I wish our church could do more outreach events and how I would love to be able to volunteer and do outreach ministry within our church.

I also shared with her something that I've had trouble accepting myself. Megan is the reason that I started going to Bethany and for that I am grateful. But for seven years, I've followed in her shadow and her ministry. When she moved to Baltimore one summer to do her youth ministry internship, I stepped in and was "Megan" for a summer and took her job in the nursery so it would still be there when she got back. When people at church used to see me, they used to ask where she was because we were attached at the hip.

It was for this reason that I have always had a tough time stepping out and finding a place in the church that "fits" and is my ministry, a place I can pour my heart and soul into. Last night was hard for me. It was hard to step up and be like, "Yes, I want to help!" In reality, all day I had been trying to think of excuses why I couldn't go and couldn't be there but I also felt God calling me to be there and to help with this outreach event and I'm so glad I did.

It's hard when you feel that you're only following in someone's footsteps but I realize that slowly God is revealing His desires for my heart and life to me and I'm loving it. I truly have a heart for outreach and I know that I'm going to be watching our church bulletins closely for opportunities to get involved. I think my heart for outreach stems from working with the inner city youth at my last job because it's also the reason I want to do school counseling. I want to give youth that "last chance" that otherwise they may not get elsewhere. I believe that our church has the ability to do great things and I believe that God is going to work through us so long as we continue to have a passion to serve Him and love the members of our community.

I also have a heart for both our children and our youth. Tomorrow I'm filling in in the preschool Sunday school class and I told Mrs. G. today that if I enjoyed it, I would be more than happy to fill in for the summer since I know they need someone in there on a regular basis. I also told our youth leader that Iwould love to help support his ministry and volunteer if needed.

I feel like the pieces of my life are slowly coming together. I still haven't heard from UC but like I told Mrs. G. today-God knows where I'm going to be this fall. He knows the plans for my life even before I do. If for some reason I don't get into grad school for this fall, it doesn't mean I'm not meant to go back to school. It just means the time isn't right. God might use that extra time to do great things through me. I don't know what His plans are but I trust that He has me right where He wants me. I don't need to follow in someone else's footsteps and their shadow because that's not what God wants. He wants to work through me and He has great plans for me. I just need to learn to listen to His voice and not the voice that tells me I can't do something. Through Christ I can do all things. To know I'm living God's plan for my life is an amazing feeling and I can't wait to see where He takes me next.