Anxieties

I lay in bed with the fan on for white noise, hoping it will lull me to sleep. Knowing I have to be back at work at 8:30 tomorrow morning means I should be sleeping. Instead, I lay here with so many anxieties rolling through my head that I just need to get them out so I can sleep.

It's the end of week nine. That means one more week of classes and then finals week. I'm so ready for this quarter to be over but I've had so many mishaps with my on campus supervisor that I'm afraid all of a sudden that I'm going to end up with an incomplete because of something that's been out of my hands. I know it will all work out and I know I'm worrying for nothing but that's what happens when week nine rolls around. I tend to freak out about the littlest things.

I have one more day left at Monroe. It was supposed to have been yesterday (Wednesday) but since I ended up with strep, I'm going in briefly on Tuesday to wrap up with all of my kids and go over my final evaluation with Elizabeth. I feel like this has been a good fit for me and I feel as if I grew a lot from this experience. I have all of my hours complete but now my brain is running away with the idea that she's going to give me a bad evaluation, which I know is crazy since we've been chatting all quarter about how well I've been doing.

Add on top of that the fact that there's a certain someone I can't stop thinking about and my brain is on overload. Even after so long and the length of time it's been since we've seen each other, the thought of him still gives me butterflies. I'm going to soak up the next two weekends and enjoy our time together. There is no one quite like him and even now I'm sure God placed him in my life for a reason.

Focus Heather. It may be time to pull out the future husband journal. In fact, that's a great idea for this weekend. I need to journal out the struggle of the last couple of months in this no-dating year and journal out my reactions to this weekend. In all of this, I need to keep my mind focused on what God is teaching me in this year He has asked me to be single. I need to remember what my goal is and where this year is taking me. I can't let silly things like emotions and my heart run away with the logical side of me. I promised to make this the year of no dating and I intend to finish out strong.

It's end of the quarter. I CAN and WILL do this. There is no reason to let these silly anxieties plague me when I know I'm stronger than them. Yes, I've had setbacks but they are NOT enough to lose sleep over.

On that note, I'm going to bed. Maybe now I'll actually sleep.